College Logic
Ah, yes, the logic of the collegiate mind, there is nothing finer. In high school, excuses for being irresponsible were base, trite, and hardly cogent to one whose knowledge surpassed that of. . . a high school student. However, in college, more students are exposed to the wonderous world of philosophy . This knowledge affords the college student the ability to bend the rules of Academia through philosophically fabricating - however incongruous - different ways to validate laziness, lethargy, and acts of debauchery (the last being perpetuated through a rather lovely affair known to Academians as the "Debauchery Ball."). Here, I present scenarios, a list of common courses of action, the recommended course of action (based on what an adult would tell you to do), the actual course of action (based on what a college freshman would do), the logic behind the actual course of action, and finally, the "college logic" which rationalizes, not only the actual course of action, but allows for even more room for irresponsibility. Enjoy!
I've not much on this page. I'm working on several pages at once, you undestand, so this - the first of my attempts at funny - will take a bit of time.
RT
Scenario:
It is now 10:25 a.m. You have a class at 10:30 a.m. and another 11:30 a.m. For your 11:30 a.m. class, you have a test for which you've neither read nor studied. You are not doing well in your 11:30 a.m. class. You are watching T.V. and are still a bit hung over from the night before.
What do you do?
1. Go to your 10:30 a.m. class, pay attention, go to your 11:30 a.m. class, and fail the test because you deserve it.
2. Go to your 10:30 a.m. class so you can hit on the girl that sits in front of you and hope that she's forgotten about the beer you spilled on her last night.
3. Skip both classes because some guys in the other room are playing Gameday 2000.
4. Skip the 10:30 a.m. class and study.
Recommeded Course of Action:
1. You probably knew about the test for a while and it's your fault for not having studied. Go to both of your classes and fail your test. Those are the breaks, kid, those are the breaks.
Actual Course of Action:
3. This way, you can salvage something from the day. When you pass the test, the teacher will know that you have the ability to do well and will be more lenient the next time you hand in a paper written in courier new.
Logic:
Alright, you haven't studied for this test and you need to, in order to maintain a G.P.A. worthy of monthly money orders from your parents. You have the 10:30 a.m., but really, that has nothing to do with anything. So, you skip your 10:30 a.m. Now, you have a full hour to study. . .
College Logic:
Well, you're a fast learner. You weren't asleep in ALL the previous classes and the notes you copied from that Long Island blonde - from Sacred Heart Academy :) - are pretty good. You have an ENTIRE hour to read and study! You don't need 60 minutes for that! You can do it in much less time! You don't need all that time at all! So, now that you have all this free time provided by skipping class, you can watch T.V. for a while.
I'd like to thank my college roomate, Ethan, for both giving me the idea for this page and providing me with the best case of "college logic" I've known. Thank you, Ethan. . . now turn off the T.V. and study for your test at 11:30.
(C) 2000 RighTings (R)