Leave the clean, warm laundry on the table overnight to give your cat the five star, flat-out sleep treat.
When your cat comes around your ankles at mealtimes feed him the best cuts of steak from your plate. Justify this to your family by saying "I only fancy the chips!"
When your cat lies on the juicy Sunday story you are reading, read around him. After all, purring is much better than gossip.
having your feet on cold tiles with icy wind around your ankles. When your cat asks for the door to be opened and then sits down to assess the weather, smells and moonlight before going through it, just smile patiently in the sure knowledge that he'll change his mind just before numbness sets into your toes.
It doesn't matter how little quilt you have as long as your cat is cosy and doesn't have to be woken for you to cover up.
When your cat is in a 'sniff and refuse' mood, full every dish he has with everything he previously gobbled up with no trouble. When he goes back to the first offering, smile - the birds will be very grateful for their table to be full for the next three days.
When your cat is cleaning himself after a snooze in the hedge, be happy that the carpet, sofa, bed and your new black sweater are covered in sticky seeds, burrs and bits of dead conifer. Make an interesting arrangement that will give you pleasure as it grows and grows and grows.
exercise part of the book reading experience. When your cat wants to jump out of the back window and come in at the front door several times a chapter, be glad that he is stopping you becoming sedentary.
Your cat on your lap is the greatest honour bestowed upon man. One move of your leg could lose you the treat for the night. Fight cramp with secret movements that don't feel like rejection to the warm furry weight you love so much.
If the neighbourhood bullying tom doesn't respond to all your frenzied shouting, water pistol firing at two a.m., loud hand clapping and missile throwing, move to a friendlier environment. After all, your cat's happiness is your happiness.
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