The Peril
MH3 Weakly Newsletter of Hash Indignties
(FOR MEMBERS ONLY !!!)
22nd September 1998,(Tuesday)
 Run No. 1631
Hares: Big Hole, Bald Eagle and Nosher
Location: 1 km Past the Sg. Rait Kindergarten
 
A great fucking hash day, it was “Big Hole’s” “BIRTHDAY”, the sun was shining, “Bald Eagle” had hit town and “Nosher” was ready to party. With hares like these, hashers were coming out of the Miri sewers and as expected getting to the run site early proved to be a good idea. Rumour has it that there was a queue of hashers a kilometre long jamming the Sg. Rait turnoff trying to get to the most anticipated hash of the century! Only these hares could be the cause for such excitement! It was later noted that it should not have been so well publicised about who your hares were as notable hasher like “Blow-up Rubber Doll”, “Margarita  Chang”, & “Jock The Strap” elected not to chance the superb trail these three hares are noted for and didn’t show up.
Pre-wagon chit-chat was great as “Bald Eagle” mingled with old hash friends while chugging real beer, not that weak piss from the States. At about 5:20 “Big Hole” mounted the wagon, much like he mounts the girls at the Pub. Brief instructions followed which basically amounted to nothing more than pointing that the ON-ON was straight across the road. Being typical hashers the pack headed straight up the road totally ignoring “Big Hole’s”  directions. “What a Bunch of Wankers”,  almost as bad as Houston Hashers! “Big Hole” quickly came to the rescue though and hit the trail just in time to call the Bastards back and lead them straight up the  first hill. It was good jungle from here, easy running with only  a few up and downs. The first check was a top the first hill which the FRB’s had no trouble breaking, (shit, knew we should have made it more difficult!) On-On was down and to the  right. Great hash trail from here with a few  thorns however, the hares had chopped most of them so not to worry. Another up hill to the second check which was a bit more difficult, or so we thought. I forgot how clever you Miri Hashers are, you Bastards broke it in no time and were now headed to the Sg. Rait river where check number 3 awaited you. I  personally laid a false trail to the right across the river, up the hill, down and across a stream, back up the other side to a big fat “F”, hopefully  I caught at least 3 or 4 of you front running bastards on this one.
Actually this proved to be the best check as  “Big Hole” and myself were stationed at the point of exit down the river and could hear the call checking for quite some time.  “Big Hole” was ready with camera in hand when front running bastard “The Monk” and “Hormone” finally picked up trail and greeted us along with long time Miri hasher, “Lovebyte” who elected not to attempt trail as he’s evidently been back in Scotland accumulating notable quantities of whale blubber around the mid-section! As noted from the smell of the water the pig farms weren’t far away.  From this point it was up the bank along a kampong road to the main road and back to the car park.
Front runners were about 40 minutes with the stragglers coming in about 30 minutes later. All in all not a bad hash although some said it was too short.
The On-On was held at a place on the River Front unknown to me. “Jock the (Pussy) Strap” finally showed up using his kids as an excuse to miss the run. In true fashion he managed to down-down all 40 hashers at least once and some lucky ones 3 or 4 times. The On-On was topped off with a birthday cake especially made for “Big Hole”, complete with tits, two ripe juicy nipples and a dark patch of seaweed with a cherry buried in the middle! “Big Hole” went for the gusto and did a muff dive right into the seaweed and succeeded in plucking out the cherry.
On-On-On in typical “Bald Eagle” fashion was at Benny’s followed by the Ranch and the Pub. The last I remember I was staggering in at 4:30 in the morning, oh it’s great to be back in Miri!
 
On-On                                                                                                                “Bald Eagle”

 
Joke !!! Joke !!!
 
Sherlock Holmes and Watson were on a camping and hiking trip.  They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?  "Well, I see thousands of stars."  "And what does that mean to you?"  "Well, I suppose it means that of all the planets and suns and moons in the universe, that we are truly the one most blessed with the reason to deduce theorems to make our way in this world of criminal enterprises and blind greed. It means that we are truly small in the eyes of God but struggle each day to be worthy of the senses and spirit we have been blessed with. And, I suppose, at the very least, in the meteorological sense, it means that it is most likely that we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"
"To me, my dear Watson, it means someone has stolen our f**ing tent."

Bill & Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night at the White House. Hillary wakes up and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. "Bill, Bill wake up." Bill stays sleeping. Hillary continues, "Bill, Bill wake up." Bill finally wakes up and says, "What do you want?" Hillary responds, "I have to go use the bathroom", to which Bill says, "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom."
Hillary says, "No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."

Helpful wife:
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place....
The man says "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80. [Man gives his wife a dirty look.]
Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. [Man gives his wife a dirty look.]
Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!"
Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife says: "No, only when he's DRUNK."

This is what happened when you put somebody who can't speak international language in the international airport. You guys should read this. A very good example.
One day, one Mat Salleh (European) from Europe arrived in Kuala Lumpur International Airport and after he checked out from the Customs he felt that he needed to go to the toilet, so he looked for toilet. When he found the toilet, there was a lady sitting in front of it. When he was about to enter the toilet, the lady stopped him and said forty cents in Chinese SAY KOK, the Mat Salleh just wondered why in Malaysia, they have to See the cock (forty cent in chinese) before entering the toilet? So he said NO but the lady insisted. Since he has no choice, he took out his cock and showed to her. The lady said No, No, No, DUIT, DUIT=92 (Money in Malay) but the Mat Salleh misunderstood again because he thought she said DO IT, DO IT. So he asked "NOW, HERE?. The lady just reply YES, YES because she doesn't understand English. The Mat Salleh thought she agreed to have sex with him, so he stripped the lady and made love to her, but the lady was screaming and said "SAKIT, SAKIT (Pain in Malay) and again he thought is SUCK IT, SUCK IT, so he said OK, I will suck it for you" and take the breast and sucked. The lady again screamed "OH TUHAN" (Oh, My God!! in Malay). The Mat Salleh
misunderstood again. "TOO HARD, OK sweetheart. I'll be gentle a bit, OK"  the Mat Salleh replied. Suddenly, the Security Officer walked by, and the lady screamed for help, "TOLONG, TOLONG, ENCIK." (Help, Help.......in
Malay). But on the other hand , the Mat Salleh replied " Not too long, just about 6 inches only".
Now , WHOSE FAULT IS IT if the INTERNATIONAL language is not IMPORTANT.