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The Peril

MH³ Weakly Newsletter of Hash Indignties (FOR MEMBERS ONLY !!!)

15th September 1998,(Tuesday) Run No. 1630 Hares: Pubyc, Luminous Palm Job, Smashed Wong & Big Spender, Location: 500 M past the Bakam Turn-Off

This week’s run site was easily reached just by driving to the police check-point, then on-on a minute, and then hitting the breaks at the road side parking space. If the site could be as conveniently reached at more Hashes, additional wrecked runners would turn up after a hard day’s work. We all know that some of us hardly ever find the site!!

   After something wet-in-the-face and a chit-chat the crowd was told by the hares to f**k off towards Bintulu. The hares were Pubyc, Luminous Palm and Smash and from their initial running enthusiasm it looked like they would hang low that day. Understandable, considering the age of regulars like Pubyc, but we will come to the details later………

   Well, the run went down the Bintulu road and Jock the Strap tried to short-cut right from the wagon!! Interestingly, we soon went off to the right into new-ish hash county. Good country side with veggies, fruit trees and other shrubs and mature rubber trees. The weather was warm but not too warm, nice and cloudy, and it never really felt like your a** had to sit on ice any time soon !!
As usual, the trail snaked on-up, on-down, on-up, on-down and so on and so on. At one point I was over taken by Short Change and Juice Extractor while washing my glasses, but on the next hill they looked like out of steam. The trail was well-marked in places. Altogether a good run, well set, except that compared with other runs lately it felt bone dry.

    By the time I returned to the wagon the wagon was gone. Amazingly, the hares and a few of the crowd had readied the torches to help the last errant out of the bushes (it never occurred to them that he could be doing something there!!). On my showing some shouted ‘ice him, ice him’ !!! and again ‘ice him, ice him’ !!! Tough that the ice was no longer by this time!!! Rather, I got awarded the WOW and there seemed to be no way of rejecting the honour, although I was sure there would have been other candidates for the trophy.

   Anyway, the story I later gave at the On On was that I lost the trail (until then, it surely felt like a too short run, HARES!) at the plantation and ran on their paved road into the wrong direction until it got dark. Last I had come across Fireballs who looked pretty confused, and usually you are best off relying on your own senses of direction! Of course, paper-wise it looked like a f**k-up to me, losing the trail for the first time in 114 runs !!!!!!!!!

    I straight went to the MDSC awaiting plenty-full food. However, these days most of the crowd seems to piss off home into the shower, so I really had to wait a long time when only the hosts Fat Boy and Big Spender were there. Let’s not tolerate this pussy behavior! Meanwhile, we signed in a book for T-shirt orders (who knows what damn design this time, smells like a Pubyc fart).

    By the time the crowd was there the food-stuff came shortly after and everybody shovelled in the familiar fashion, pouring the drinks with it. Food was excellent and there really was lots of it. So much that Kiing Prawn made a killing in doggy-bag style. Perhaps time to punish On On parasites!! Gersip Singh was the last arrival, nearly missed the food and got duly punished of course.

    The first round of down-downs was for the hares and it was well deserved. After the virgins were welcomed, the evening produced hordes of criminals, most notably Curly Dick for run No. 200, myself, Attila the Hun for qualifying WOW and of course Pubyc. Another round was for the matching T-shirts where 90% of the lot were found guilty by Jock the Strap, including all the young girls! Shame that they don’t know how to dress for an On On!!

    The limelight of the night belonged to one of the hares, Pubyc. He was given a birthday cake by xx, heart-shaped and sporting a big brown dick!! Pubyc cat-crawled upon the table to lick this dick ( !!!) and ….. on close approach, his nose just above, ….. was pushed face-down in the slimy-brown mass!!! After that a few indulged in a tit-for-tat cake battle, and Jock the Strap and Luminous Palm Job did not miss out on the mess!!

    After this cake-splash it was time for ‘up on your chairs’, the last down-down, and the obligatory Hash Hymn concluding the night’s action (for some!).
Then the evening mellowed and most were probably looking forward to the coming weekend’s Men’s and Ladie’s Hash activities.

On On Attila the Hun Wuertz

Joke !!! Joke !!! Today, the world was stunned by the news of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred approximately 8:42 last evening. Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going, and going, and going. "Pinkie", as he was known to his friends and family, was alone at the time of his death.
An emergency autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief Medical Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone had put the bunny's batteries in backwards and he kept coming, and coming, and coming...

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli.

Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back.

As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"

A newly weds went for honeymoon in train from Delhi to Mumbai. Due to the heavy booking they had to sleep on separate berth.
The husband told the wife, to make it easy, you just tell me that you want a chappati, then I 'll climb onto your berth and we can make love. So, as the train moves an hour later, the wife calls the husband, "Darling, I want a chappati." The husband gets on with the task.

When finished, the husband returned to his berth. This process went for about THREE TIMES, and the husband had no choice but to oblige his new, young and beautiful wife. What a nice honeymoon!
In the morning they sat in the buffet car for breakfast. The husband asked the wife, "How was the chappati last night?" The wife replied,"I liked the FOURTH chappati...........the best!". The husband was surprised and said, " I thought I gave you only THREE chappati!" On the next table replied a husky sadarji, " I found the oven was still warm so I fried my chappati there too!"

There was once a tourist who visited Singapore for business. She intend to stay for quite a long period. She had to pass-by a foreign bank in Shenton Way every morning in order to get to her office.

In the bank, there was this Singh security guard who caught her attention. It was his well-kept and curled moustache that attracted her. She told herself, "I have not seen such a beautiful moustache in my life before. How I wish that I could have just one strand of it as a souvenir to bring home."

Thinking about this, walked up to the man. "Excuse me mister, I admire your moustache very much as it is soooo....beautiful and well-kept. Would you be so kind enough as to give me just a strand of it for souvenir?" On hearing this, the man pulled out his pants and took out a strand of hair and gave it to the girl.

She was so shocked and said, "No..no..no.., I mean..a strand of your moustache...." Pointing to his moustache, the singh said, "Here SHOWROOM..." and pointing to his private part, said, "there STOREROOM."