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The Peril

MH³ Weakly Newsletter of Hash Indignties (FOR MEMBERS ONLY !!!)

10th November 1998 Run # 1642 --- Tuesday, Oil Well # 1, Canada’s Hill Hares : Edison Robert Orbital re-entry is tough. Just ask John Glenn (Who the fuck is he??…Ed.) For an assortment of Hash space debris, Melonhead, The Monk, JTS, Happy Hun, Fudge Packer and Super Sucker, it was even tougher. In true Hunter E. Thompson style (is he a hasher??—Ed.) this pitiful lot re-entered, not only from Labuan, but more importantly from Jupiter 8, in let us just say, a tough manner. So tough in fact that I had to asked my wife, Juice Extractor, where exactly last week’s run was located. Now that I remember, I can understand why I forgot in the first place.

Canada Hill runs can only go so many places; usually down, down down and down and then bloody up, bloody up and bloody up (note the use of the word bloody and this note, to use up as much space as possible for this unfit for human consumption rag). This time however, Edison, SSB finest, took the fastest and the least UP route there could be; which was fine by me because basically I think runs on Canada Hill really suck. Anyway, after running down a fairly steep slope to the bottom of the behemoth, we took a leisurely run around its base and then ascended the monster at the least steep point, down near the Miri Mayo Clinic. A relatively short run well attended by numerous virgin and a good start to an even better weekend.

The wagon was well attended, but participation by the Hash masses was, as usual, quite pitiful. Which leads me to my next diatribe on group participation at the wagon. Every fucking week (note that I, Melonhead, have refrained from using the work ‘fuck’ yet in this tone) the GM, Hormone, and his band of sad associates, Luminous Palm, JTS and Melonhead, climb onto the wagon and try to give you tossers some sort of a show. One would think that this type of effort, week in and week out, would demand some respect and, at minimal, some sort of participation. We don’t expect you to get woody over the wagon, but at least you bastards could sing when some unfortunate soul is being pottied or iced.

Anyway, I’ve got to get back to reality here and jumpstart my brain so that I am somewhat productive today.

Orbital re-entry is tough.

ON ON, you losers! MELONHEAD

Attention to all new hashers!!
Now you have done over 50 runs, don’t you think it is about time that you contribute something to a hash event. Christmas party is just round the corner and we require your talent to do some hash acts. SO COME FORWARD AND VOLUNTEER or be a COWARD in all your hashing life.

If you are interested, look for Curly Dick/ Short Change/Nosher /or Big Spender

Joke !!! Joke!!!

Q: What's black & white & black & white & black & white & black & white?
A: A nun falling down the stairs.

It's the spring, and the baby bear comes out of his cave. His knees are wobbling, he's a wreck. He's skin and bones, with big circles under his eyes.
His mother says, "Junior! Did you hibernate all winter like you were supposed to?"
He says, "Hibernate? Shit! I thought you said masturbate!"

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are in Ft. Lauderdale for a two-week period helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.
The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.
Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.
"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.

A deaf couple got married, and arrived at their hotel on the wedding night. They had decided to wait for their wedding night before having sex, so they were both a little nervous as they prepared to spend their first night together. They realised that in the darkness, they would have trouble using sign language to communicate, so they tried to come up with a way to signal their partner about their mood.
"If you want to make love to me" signed the wife, "Then rub my breast one time. If you aren't in the mood to make love, then rub my shoulder one time".
The husband nodded in understanding, and then signed "If you want to make love to me, rub my penis one time. If you aren't in the mood to make love, then rub my penis eighty times."

A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a haemophilic. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always gets wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.
So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, "Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?"
"Well," says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash." "What if he has an erection?" asks one of the women.
"Honey," says Sophie, "on a day like that, you don't do the laundry."

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before they realise there is no soap. Father John says he has some soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the showers. He gets halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his dick. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look," says the 2nd nun..."a soap dispenser." To test her theory she also pulls his dick...and sure enough he drops the last bar of soap. The third nun then pulls, first once, then twice and three times.
Still nothing happens. So she tries once more and to her delight she yells..."Look, hand cream!"

HASH INVITATION AND CELEBRATIONS

1. 11-12 December 1998 Bintulu HHH’s 20th Founder’s Day ---1st November onwards --- RM 240.00
2. 15-18 January 1999 Pan Asia – The Dark Side, INDIA --- Reg. Before 15 Dec. 1998 --- US$ 70.00
3. 29-31 May 1999 7th Borneo Nash Hash, TAWAU --- Reg. Before 31 Dec. 1998 --- RM150.00
4. 29-31 October 1999 Pan Asia Hash 1999, Perth --- Reg. Before 31 May 1999 --- USD130.00/A$180.00
5. 25-27 February 2000 Interhash Tasmania 2000 ----- Reg. Before 31 Dec 1998 --- A$225.00

Miri HHH Christmas Party '98 Date : 5th December 1998nue : Kelab Shell Lutong (KSL) Cost : $30.00 (member 50% discount) Get your ticket from Hormone Harvie now!!