The Peril
MH3 Weakly Newsletter of Hash Indignties
(FOR MEMBERS ONLY !!!)
3rd November 1998
Run # 1640 --- Tuesday, 4.5 km Past the Bakam Turn Off
Hares : Luminous Palm, Premature & Jungle Cock
As usual it gave me great pleasure accepting the wrike up last week knowing full well that after penning yet another boring, pathetic and stupid diatribe it will be at least another year before everybody forgets and I’m asked to do it again. Run # 1640, hared by Premature Ng and PalmYeo started off unusually with Palm bringing some virgins onto the wagon. This apparently was a cunning stunt to draw the pack’s attention to the wagon and since these virgins were stunning cunts it worked admirably. Palm had something important to say about drink stealers who apparently turn up, don’t sign in, run anonymously and then steal our drink from under our noses. A serious business which deserves a more thoughtful approach than Palm’s threat of a severe icing in the case that we catch the buggers. Back in Glasgow we had a similar endemic problem and it was a sure bet that if you left your pint on the bar and went for a piss you’d return to an empty glass. The widely adopted solution was to retch up a thick green mass of phlegm and dribble it out artfully so that it floated on the foamy beer head as a purulent claim of ownership. Although Glasgow’s weather and smoking habits usually made this a particularly effective remedy, there would always be some reprobate, presumably with spaces between his teeth who would still beat all your efforts, drink your beer and leave your sputum on the bottom of the glass to greet you. Anyway, the point is a serious problem like drink stealing requires serious remedial action. Well no, the real point is I wasn’t paying any attention on the run so in the best traditions of  tabloid journalism I’m forced to gibber away like this making nonsense copy on the fly as the deadline fast approaches. What I do remember is that it was a good run that kept the pack together all the way using an expert combination of checks, false trails and narrow paths through thick bush. While normally the front runners manage to pass me a half dozen times during the run, this time I just didn’t see them at all. The turnout was good but wankers like Supersucker (or is it Pishflaps ?) have been noticeable by their absence over the last few weeks, rumoured to be hard at triathlon training and scared of injury as they dream of glory now that Jock the Strap has partially withdrawn. Back at the wagon the major attraction was the virgin down downs with one particularly striking virgin in white slacks, pristine and fluorescent even after the run. As usual Melonhead’s recruitment technique had all the subtlety of a flying mallet although with whiteslacks I’m not sure whether he gave her more abuse than he got himself. Although he managed to put her on the ice momentarily (unheard of for a virgin !) she took it sportingly and managed to douse him and half the hash with iced water before departing spectacularly in the back of a pickup truck. The On On at Miri Hotel café was apparently an extra jolly affair livened up by the new rule that if one hare drinks, all hares drink. So for a cheap night out set your next hash with plenty of pals.
On On,                                                                                                             Masochist
Joke !!! Joke !!!
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortuneteller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
 
Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
 
"Will I be acquitted?"
 
A nun died and she met St. Peters at the gates of heaven. St Peters told her that since she has not sinned before she can be anyone she wishes to be for seven days before entering in to heaven.
 
The nun said: "I want to be Sarah Pepilini".
 
St Peter asked "Who the hell is Sarah Pepilini?, People wants to be Monica Lewinski or someone famous.
 
The nun then took out an old newspaper cutting and showed it to St Peter.
"SAHARA PIPELINE LAID BY 30 MEN IN 7 DAYS!"
 
 
HASH INVITATION AND CELEBRATIONS 

1.  11-12 December 1998 Bintulu HHH’s 20th Founder’s Day ---1st November onwards --- RM 240.00 
2.  15-18 January 1999 Pan Asia – The Dark Side, INDIA ---  Reg.  Before 15 Dec. 1998 --- US$  70.00 
3.  29-31 May 1999 7th Borneo Nash Hash, TAWAU --- Reg. Before 31 Dec. 1998 --- RM150.00 
4.  29-31 October 1999 Pan Asia Hash 1999,  Perth --- Reg. Before 31 May 1999 --- USD130.00/A$180.00 
5.  25-27 February 2000 Interhash Tasmania 2000 ----- Reg. Before 31 Dec 1998 --- A$225.00