Hares : Volker The Happy Hun, Velcro Lips, Attila the Hun
& Seld Marschall Balaclava Sampson
This hash was billed as the
meanest HUN RUN ever. Previous HUN RUN's had involved hashers hospitalised
with broken limbs and bee stings and so anything less than severe bodily
mutilation, loss of genitals or premature death was going to be a big disappointment
to the bloodthirsty hares.
The crowd was quiet as it gathered, as if expecting
the worst. Surprisingly a fair number of virgins had come along-- either
they knew no one on the hash so had no idea what was going to happen or
their hash mates are complete bastards. Happy Hun tried to scare
the crowd shitless by saying all non-swimmers would drown, and even those
who could swim would be sucked down into the swamp - to prevent this he
recommended holding hands with other hashers. For the first time I got
scared, I mean really scared - I glanced nervously around at the crowd
and decided I would rather drown than hold hands with any of you ugly bastards.
The run, despite its billing turned out be a
pussy outing, more like a Fun Run than a Hun Run. The first section of
swamp stunk of chicken shit but for the rest it was lovely fresh mud and
crystal clear water all the way. It was so nice people were stopping to
fill up water bottles and take refreshing swims. I have no idea what all
the f****in fuss was about. I also don't have a clue what went on in the
run as for once I broke through to the front of the pack and stayed within
sight of Jock the Strap and Fudge Packer.
OK it was in and out of swamps across a pile
of drainage ditches. Every so often we came across Happy Hun, obviously
more lost than the rest of us, clutching his mobile phone and hoping to
see injured bodies. At the end of the run a nice section of road to stretch
the legs. Slowly the hashers came back to the wagon including a late MONK,
on his last Miri hash he'd spent his time strolling around with the ladies.
The ON-ON was at MDCS where a fine evening's
entertainment had been laid on. Pig-racing and roasted frog had been planned
but because pigs cost so much and shit all the floor we swapped them around
at the last minute. 5 fat froggies fought for freedom by racing for the
crowd - Fat Fucker, Limp Dick, Hopalong Kid and Kermit the Kunt despite
weeks of training were a bit slow despite some fine "riding" by their jockeys
but the crowd loved it. HAPPY HUN rounded it off by presenting TIP TOP's
toilet to the MONK and the rest of the night was spent drinking from it.
About that time I hit the deck and had a strange dream involving a bucket,
a policemen and five happy frogs - I'm still trying to forget it.
ON ON
Blowfish
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
THERE WILL BE A TREASURE HUNT FUN RUN
AT THE PIASAU BOAT CLUB ON THE 24TH DECEMBER 1998 STARTING AT 5:00 PM.
EVERYBODY IS WELCOME ----NO ENTRY
FEE
PLEASE BRING A WRAPPED PRESENT OF ABOUT
RM$5.00
Joke !!!
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon
as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out. The next day,
the same performance, with the man walking out laughing, fit to bust. The
chemist thinks this odd and asks his assistant, if the man returns, to
follow him. Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating
his actions once more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later,
he returns. "So did you follow him?"
"I did." "And...where did he go?" "Over to your house..."
A preacher who wanted to raise money for his church was told there
was a fortune in horse racing, so he decided to buy a horse and enter it
in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses
was so steep that the preacher ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured,
however, that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in
the races. To his surprise, in the first race, his donkey came in second.
The next day the paper read:
PREACHERS ASS SHOWS
The preacher was so pleased that he entered the donkey in another race.
This time it won, and the paper read:
PREACHERS ASS OUT IN FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The new headline
read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHERS ASS
This was too much for the Bishop, and he ordered the preacher to get
rid of the animal. The preacher, being a charitable chap, gave it to a
nun in a nearby convent. The headline the next day said:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted! He told the nun that she would have to dispose
of the donkey, and she finally found a farmer who would take it off her
hands for ten bucks. The paper said:
NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS
They buried the Bishop the next day....
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and
says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and
I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time
he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination
the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the
doctor then said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health.
Do you have any medical concerns that you would like discuss with me?"
" In fact, I do," said the man. "After I have sex with my wife for the
first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with
my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly." "This
is very interesting," replied the doctor. "Let me do some research and
get back to you." After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "Everything
appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like
to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns.
The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims
that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with
you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that old buzzard!" she replied. "That's because the first time is usually
in July and the second time is usually in December!"
Bill rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his
name on the group mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady comes
out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Bill smiles
at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk,
her robe slips open, and it quite obvious that she has nothing on under
the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go
in my apartment, I hear someone coming..." He proceeds her into the apartment,
and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to
fall completely open. She purrs at him, "What would you say is my best
feature? "The flustered, embarrassed Bill stammers, clears his throat several
times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!" She's
astounded! "Why my ears? Looks at these boobs! They are full, don't sag,
and they're all mine! My butt - it's firm doesn't sag, and has no cellulite!
Look at this skin, no blemishes, or scars! Why in heaven's name would you
say my ears are the best part of my body?!" Clearing his throat once again,
Bill stammers - "Outside when you said you heard someone coming - That
was me!"
Charlie marries a virgin, and it's their wedding night. He's on fire.
He gets naked, jumps into bed, and then starts groping her as soon as she
climbs in. She says, "Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as
you are at the dinner table." He sits up, folds hands on his lap, and says,
"Is that better?" She says, "Much better." He says, "Okay. Now will you
please pass the pussy."
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over
the bar: 10,000 dollars FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy
asks the bartender what the test is. Bartender: "Well, FIRST you have to
drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND,
you can't make a face while doing it. SECOND, there's a gator out back
with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. THIRD,
there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things
right for her. Man: Well, as much as I could use 10,000 dollars, I won't
do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and they
get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few,
he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequila with both
hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face.
Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most
frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into
the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he
says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
HASH INVITATION & CELEBRATIONS
1. 29-31 May 1999 7th Borneo Nash Hash, Tawau – Reg. Before
31 Dec. 1998 – RM150.00 2. 39-31 October 1999 Pan Aisa Hash 1999, Perth –
Reg. Before 31 May 1999 – USD130.00 / A$180.00 3. 25-27 February 2000 Interhash Tasmania 2000 – Reg.
Before 31 Dec. 1998 – A$225.00
