The
Peril
MH3 Weakly Newsletter of Hash Indignties
(FOR MEMBERS ONLY !!!)
8th December 1998,(Tuesday)
Run 1645
Tuesday, December 1, 1998
Lambir Reservoir
Hares : Jock the Strap & Masochist
Oh Fuck! her it goes.
The St. Andspew's Day Hash
If shiggy, shite, muck, mud, and down right crap is your pleasure,
then missing this year's St. Andrew's Hash Run would be a let down.
After assembling at the run site I saw a sight I thought I'd never
see in my lifetime. Sixty hashers stand in a CUE for tickets and their
rights to a T-shirt. I'm still stumped on what kind of incentive was used
to persuade this brainless herd to do this most civilized act, but I'm
sure it had to do with something free or, most likely, sex. Was Short Change
giving out something that I'd missed?
After a garbled briefing of the run by JTS, the pack was off into the
jungle. At the beginning of the run the shiggy quotient was quite low with
minor streams and mud holes. After a few select false trails through more
shiggy, this hasher and Give-Her-One Grant was searching for the new trail
when ON ON back was called on the shortcutter's trail. Later we heard from
JTS that we were very close to breaking the check for the long run, which,
no one actually did; but that's another story. At this point I was hopelessly
behind every slow bastard on the hash and had to walk. This would not have
been so bad if there were some nice bums to watch, but, as luck would have
I was stuck with the flabby ones (save Give-Her-One). Finally we entered
a long stretch of trail that can be classified as nothing less than a cesspool.
Actually cesspool is a far too tame a description. Perhaps a putrid, festering
shite hole is more appropriate?! Clearly the Scots like this kind of thing.
Why else would they run the hash through it. Probably reminds them of one
of those fucking heath bogs back in the motherland. More likely though,
is that they were so pissed on that fine nectar of life, Scottish Whiskey,
that they staggered into the local cesspool and thought it was a heath
bog! After navigating this boil producing shiggy, we were rewarded(?) with
a handsome(?) St. Andrew's Day singlet and a clean run in.
Once in, JTS realized that the Masochist was missing. Lost is an unkind
term. Actually he was waiting for the long runners to come around the long
trail that no one ran on. At this point JTS went into the cesspool to look
for him. JTS should be iced for breaking hash rules. By not drinking at
least 3 beers before looking for lost hashers (or hares). This rule was
created to inject patience and
punishment into the hash simultaneously. If you wait long enough, perhaps
the fuck wit will get out of the forest by himself. Additionally,
if he is hopelessly lost, being half cocked will take the edge off and
probably reduce the risk that you will kill the bastard for going off paper.
At the end of the day, a decent run, with lots of shiggy. One should
expect no less from a bunch of piss-head Scots anyway (or American either!)
ON ON you losers!
Melonhead
Joke !!!
Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the play ground and go
into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane
in a "Passionate Embrace." Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can
barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly
.... "MOMMYMOMMY, IWASAT THEPLAYGROUNDAND DADDYAND.."
Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story. So Little
Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into
the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane
a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped
Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy.."
At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an
interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I
want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the
dinner table, Mommy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts
his story, describing the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down
on the seat, and..... "then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy
and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the army".
Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy
rushes in and says, "Guess what, guys? Our request for an audience with
the Pope finally came through approved!" Everyone gets all excited
and chants, "We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him."
Two days later, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out in
front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey and saying,
"Go ahead, Dopey, ask him, ask him!" The Pope looks at Dopey and asks,
"Do you have a question to ask me, young man?"
Dopey looks up shyly and says, "Well, yes." The Pope tells him to go
ahead and ask. Dopey asks, "Well, are there nuns ..... nuns in Alaska?"
The Pope replies, "Well, yes, I'm sure we have nuns in Alaska. "The others
all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, "Ask him the rest, Dopey, ask him
the rest!" The Pope asks Dopey if there's more to his question, and Dopey
continues, "Well, uh, do you have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?" To which
the Pope replies, "Well, my son, I think there must be a few black nuns
in Alaska, yes."
Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, "Ask him the last part,
Dopey, ask him the last part!" The Pope asks Dopey, "Is there still more
to your question?" To which Dopey replies, "Well, uh, yeah......are there,
uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?" The startled Pope replies,
"Well, no, my son, I really don't think there are any midget black nuns
in Alaska." At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colors, and the others start
laughing and yelling, "Dopey fucked a penguin...... Dopey fucked a penguin!"
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her
grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because
there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day. The teacher says,
"Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early
today. Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here.
I'm smart and will answer the question".
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before
Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln".
The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD
that Susie answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could
open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King".
The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even
MADDER than before that Mary answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for
you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy".
The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go".Johnny was BOILING
MAD. Nancy answered first.
Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these Bitches
would keep their mouths shut".
The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"
Subject:A girls first time!!!!
(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy) It's your first time. As you
lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for
an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if
you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience,
but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes
deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised
he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him--
he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open
wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and
beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as
little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the
tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight
trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you
if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your
head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but
you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel
something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting,
glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with
a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to
have a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty! What were you thinkin'? PERVERT I know what you were
thinking!
Two men are on opposite sides of the Earth.
One is walking a tightrope.
The other is getting a blowjob from a 90 year old woman.
Both get the exact same thought at the exact same time.
What is it?
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(!!NWOD KOOL T’NOD)
