Thought this location sounded Familiar,
this was about where Big Hole, James & I set one last year. Still,
should be good, we saw some nice jungle and hills beyond last year’s run
and had talked about using them next time. So he’s stolen my idea. Bastard.
Anyway, I know Big Hole’s got the homing sense of a dead pigeon, so there
should be plenty left.
“I had to cross our old run,” says he, “so you might
recognize bits of it”
“Did you get to the hills over the back of our run?”
“No, not really, to be honest I couldn’t find our
old run again, should be much shorter though”
Thank God for that, I was dreading that 5km. Run in. It was all right
last year when we made every one else do it, but can’t say I fancied it
myself. (Have you noticed how run setting brings out the sadist in people?
It’s always the little fat bloke at the back who sets the 20 mile mountain
marathon, muttering “I’ll show the buggers” and looses half the hash)
Off we go then, miss out our little jungle start, and straight in to
the main valley. This is where we put the check last year. “CHECK
IN!” I hear. Ok well, it’s a good spot, no harm in using it again. Surely
he hasn’t used the same exit on top of the hill “ON UP!” yes he has. Just
down here there’s a river where we set another check.
“CHECK IN!” Bloody hell! Again! On along the river, We put a
false trail down here, “False Trail!” F#@%! Ok, if he’s used the
same trail all the way, I need only stroll 50 yards down here and wait
for the rest of the hash to turn up. Hang on, he said it was much shorter
so there must be something different. Got it! He’s going over the bridge
and up the hill then right and back out to the beach, ergo shorter and
different. No good sitting here then, better grunt up that hill. Check
at the top (as before) should be right here and back at the beer in 10
minuets. “ON DOWN!” From my left, Shit! He’s still on the old trail, down
the hill, through the farm, cross the swamp, over the river, and back to
where I was waiting 20 minuets ago.
I finally see the light; IT’S THE SAME BLOODY RUN! And just to really
piss me off there’s no shortcut from here so it’s the 5km run in for me.
I can’t believe it; I know every inch of the ground and still fall for
every check, false trail, and loop on the run.
Back at the wagon, the hares are nowhere to be seen, we seem to have
lost a virgin, and Hormone is talking to himself up where Jock the Strap
would be if he wasn’t chasing pondans in Bangkok. As usual I’m last away
from the run site, because you really can’t drink and drive on a bike (though
I’m working on a sort of chest harness and rubber tube gadget to overcome
this problem. The gravity fed model was not a success, the wind blows the
can off the top of your helmet, and if the beer comes down your nose it
makes a horrible mess inside the visor.)
Next time, I’ll show the buggers.
ON ON
Botak
Hash Trash
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation
of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland
in October,1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations
10-10-95.
Americans: Please divert your course 15
degrees the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course
15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US
Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert
YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN,
THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET.
WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, 3 CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT
VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S
ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE
THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse.
Your call.
On a farm out in the country lived a man and
a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while
looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's
only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to
her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?
In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself.
When the man awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began
to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.
Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!),
and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself. When he got to
the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, "I've
seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex
with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to
you."
The son agreed to try, but after four times,
he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in
the river.
Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering
what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river. The
mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row,
I will make everything right." And while the son tried his best (seven
times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in
the river.
The youngest son woke up and saw his parents
dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that
life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself
in. And there he also met the mermaid. "I have seen all that has
happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with
me fifteen times in a row."
The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not
twenty times in a row?" The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request.
Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?" And even as she
was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not THIRTY times
in a row?"
Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will
have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back
to perfect health." Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know
that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"!
Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Al Gore were in
an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the
great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion
engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if
any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll
all die."
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can
live with that. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill Clinton. "Bill, what
do you believe in?”
Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power
to the people. I think people should be able to make their
own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone
else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that
sounds good. Come and sit at my right."
God then address Bill Gates. "Bill Gates,
what do you believe?"
Bill Gates said, "I believe you're in my chair."
A woman was trying to do her laundry one day,
when her washing machine suddenly broke down. Distraught, she called her
husband at the office and said, "Honey, can you please come home and fix
the washing machine? It doesn't work." The angry husband replied, "What
do I look like? The freakin' Maytag man?" and hung up.
The woman decided to go to the Laundromat to
complete her washing. She got in the car, but when she turned the key in
the ignition, it wouldn't start. She again called her husband at work and
said, "Honey, I tried to go to the Laundromat with the car, but it wouldn't
start. Can you come home and take a look at it?"
Again, the angry husband snaps, "What do I look
like? Freakin' Mr. Goodwrench?" and hung up. She decided that the
best thing to do is call the Maytag man.
The Maytag man arrived and fixed the washing
machine. She then asked him if he knows anything about fixing cars. He
replied that he knows a little and goes outside and takes a look under
the hood. Ten minutes later, he returned and said, "Your car is running
fine now. The only thing wrong was your fuel filter was a little dirty."
The lady said, "Wow, you're a pretty handy guy!
How much will this all cost?" The Maytag man says, "I'll tell ya what,
lady. You can bake me a cake or have sex with me - your choice."
Later that evening, the husband returned home
from work. The lady explained to her husband that the Maytag man fixed
the washing machine and the car. The husband asked how much all of this
will cost. She replied that he wanted me to bake a cake for him or
have sex.
The husband then said "Well, what kind of cake
did you bake for him?"
The lady said, "What do I look like? Freakin'
Betty Crocker?
