The
Peril
23th March 1999
MH3 Weakly Newsletter of Hash Indignties
(FOR MEMBERS ONLY !!!)
Run: 1667 ( Tuesday )
Date: 16th March 1999
Location: 5.5 km PAST the Bakam Turn-off
Hares: Jungle Cock, Premature & Luminous
Palm
Event: Nothing Special
At 5.15 on this balmy Tuesday evening, when sane men were returning
home from their work with thoughts about beer and women, and in some cases
the wife, and sane women…(well there are none are there?), the usual raggle-taggle
bunch of born-again (perhaps re-aborted is a better expression) hashers,
gathered by the road side dressed in standard issue hash uniform. In fact,
the uniformity of the hash code of dress is quite astounding given the
diversity of the population. But I suppose the climate and the terrain
aren’t really suitable for dressing up as a chicken or a gorilla and running
around the jungle making silly fucking noises. Better leave those disguises
and noises for the bedroom……Anyway, the RA would give you a down-down for
trying to be an arsehole.
Slowly the mob began to stretch its legs, flex its buttocks and even
run as we all set off full of expectation. Eventually someone noticed some
paper heading off down a fresh trail towards the undergrowth. Following
a short stampede as the pack jostled for position, the FRB’s quickly asserted
themselves with usual gusto, led early on by the Dengue fever survivor,
Fudge Packer, once again showing that when it comes to packing he’s full
of fudge. Had he made the On-On he’d have been sure to have been down-downed
for being sick without permission and worse, spending five nights in the
Selesa Clinic (something was muttered about pretty nurses and bed baths
but when I visited the clinic there were no obvious beauties around). I
suspect old Fudgie had the girls hiding in the cupboard and that as soon
as I left, they finished off the job. That’s probably why he was complaining
about having a sore head! And foolish me thought it was the one on his
shoulders!
After some confusion at the first check, probably because it had two
short false trails heading off in the opposing directions, the trail was
discovered heading across a cultivated clearing. Up a steep hill went the
paper before another check. Then it was up and down and…… up and down and
up and down and up and up and up, aagh aagh aagh, aaaaaaaagh, yes, yes,
yes, yes…….. and we eventually surfaced for air. We were lying naked
on logging trail with the sound of JE carrying mosquitos buzzing in our
ears and we sat up together to watch the last rays of sun disappear behind
a jungle covered ridge…… But luckily it had been dry for the last few weeks
and the river levels were low. So the last check was broken by JTS and
the hashers emerged from next to the pylon tower and the trail led back
down to Mr Po’s wagon. A good run except for the last false trail which
was a bugger to break.
So after a few down-downs, including 8 virgins (good to see some fresh
faces – even a pretty one amongst them for a change), and as the rains
began to fall it was off to the Ying Yang Café to watch Yoggy Bear
and Jungle Cock chasing off the local headcase with the aid of some chair
swinging. A clutch of wonderful down-downs were consumed by those who turned
up before vast quantities of beer appeared for the quaffing to bring quickly
the oblivion we were seeking.
On-On
Anon
Hash Trash
A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working in
the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband
said: "Hey, honey you are getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet
it is as big as the gas grill now."
The husband feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yardstick,
measured the grill & then measured his wife's butt. "Yep, he said,
"Just what I thought, just about the same size."
The wife got very incensed & decided to let him do the gardening
alone. She went inside & didn't speak to her husband the rest of the
day. That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his
wife, and said, "How about it honey? How about a little lovemaking?" The
wife rolled over & turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder.
What's the matter?" he asked. To which she replied, "You don't think I
am going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?"
Paddy and Mick are walking home after a night on the Piss. They've
got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they
find themselves outside the bus depot. Paddy has a brainwave and
says to Mick "Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I'll
stay out here and look out for the police".
Mick duly breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while
Paddy is wondering what the hell he's doing. Eventually Paddy sticks his
head around the door and sees Mick running from bus to bus and looking
very worried.
"What the hell are you doing Mick, get a move on!" to which Mick replies,
"I can't find a number 7 anywhere Paddy" Whereupon Paddy, holding
his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts "You fucking idiot Mick, steal
a number 9 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the
way!".
A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her
hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office
and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains
why.
The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with
the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice.
The woman replies, "He's a midget."
A couple was on their honeymoon, laying in bed, about ready to consummate
their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession
to make, I'm not a virgin." The husband replies, "That's no big thing in
this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one other
guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods the golfer?"
"Yeah." "Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to
bed with him." The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they get done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" says
the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry. I was going to call room service
and get some food." "Tiger wouldn't do that. " "Oh yeah? What would Tiger
do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with
his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the
phone. "What are you doing?" She says. The husband says, "I'm still hungry
so I was going to get room service to get some food." "Tiger wouldn't do
that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it
one more time."
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to
his wife one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags
himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling
room service?" "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for
this hole !"
A young virgin couple is finally wed. Each one is nervous about the
impending night, but neither is willing to admit or ask each other about
it. Wondering what to do first, the young man calls his father.
"Pop, what do I do first?"
"Get naked and climb into bed," his father replies. So, the young man
does as he is advised. The girl is mortified and calls her mama.
"Get naked and join him," is the advice from mama, so she complies.
After laying there for a few moments, the young man excuses himself and
calls his dad again.
"What do I do?" he asks.
His father replies, "Look at her naked body. Then, take the hardest
part of your body and put it where she pees!" is the dad's advice.
A few moments later, the girl again calls her mama. "What do I do now?"
she asks.
"Well, what is he doing?" mama asks.
"He's in the bathroom, dunking his head in the toilet bowl!"
Copyright © 1999 Miri HHH. All Rights Reserved.
