I spent much
of last week trying to remember who I awarded the rike-up to. And last
night at 11.30pm I remembered. It was me. Must have had a few too many
down-downs at the on-on. But who could resist all the free beer? I've only
ever been to one free on-on before, and that was to spend the excess monies
from the Nash Hash as a farewell to the Lovebytes. So what was wrong with
Melonhead and why was he so generous as to feed and drink 70+ hashers at
the on-on? To be revealed later.
The run commenced on a lovely wet, cool afternoon.
In fact it was so gloriously damp and misty it seemed as if the RA had
requested the God's for a wet run. But then we all know that it's the RA's
duty to ensure it's dry on the run. I take it that I'm out of favour at
the moment.
The run began in traditional fashion with an
early sprint down the road and into the track which leads into the cleared
area left of the park boundary. After a false trail, the real trail led
uphill and into the park. Some able-bodied front-runner types (known to
the RA) found the paper but, according to recent character, kept on running
without calling the On-On - one can only assume they were speechless at
the thought of Melonhead leaving....but should I see this behaviour again
I'll ice the culprits. So all runners please remember to call "ON-ON" when
on paper thus ensuring a free flow to the run and don't forget to pick
up paper on false trails to avoid confusion further back. Get the message
or you're on the ice, boys.
The trail proceeded up one of the many ridges
before descending after another false trail towards the new water-project
road. A check was strategically placed near the road end and it took some
time before the On-On was found. More hill and jungle was trekked before
the last check was discovered on top of a lonely ridge. It took the hash
a full 10 minutes to find the On-On due to the enormous length Melonhead
had traversed before he generously laid the paper again. And that was the
last juice he had left as the trail wound it's way back down to the road
and out onto the new road cut destined to follow all the others down the
slope towards Sgt Thien's haunted forest. An excellent run of some 60 minutes
for the FRB's.
The On-On was at Pujut 7 Seafood, where copious
quantities of food and beer were consumed before those still strong enough
of constitution departed to the oblivion of Benny's Cocktail Bar. Many
down-downs were given out to aid beer consumption. But watch out 'cos it
is not unknown for proprietors to get rid of "old" beer stock at our expense
- luckily this time the deed was spotted (or more tasted) and the bad batch
hastily removed at the Hash's request.
So did we all get Melonhead wrong? Is he really
just one big-hearted hell-of-a-guy? Was he so overcome with grief and passion
at the thought of departing Borneo's shores, having fallen madly in love
with the hash and later Dorothy, that he decided as a fitting last gesture
to make Uncle Sam proud, and do it the American way? Or perhaps it was
a late bit of sponsorship from some old American pals?
We'll never know, 'cos he's gone. But it's a
dangerous precedent - isn't there enough freebies on the Hash already without
this kind of absurdity? Still I drank and feasted like all the other free-loading
bastards. And Melonhead and Juice Extractor, as you sit in the freezing
cold of Boston, Mass. I drink one more beer to your continued good health.
See you soon.
ON ON
JTS
HAVE YOU SUBMITTED YOUR PHOTOGRAPH YET ????
Hash Trash
A guy walks into a diner and asks for a bowl of chili. The waitress
says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl." So, he gets a cup
of coffee instead. Then he sees that the guy next to him has finished his
meal, but the chili bowl is still full.
He asks, "Are you going to eat that?"
The other guy says, "No. You can have it." The guy takes it and starts
to eat it. When he gets about half way down, he sees a dead mouse in it,
and he pukes the chili back into the bowl. The other guy says, "That's
about as far as I got, too."
here's a joke for guys only . choose 1 girl to make love with....?
A. nurse
B. secretary
C. a bus conductress
? If you choose to make love to a nurse, she will probably say "Next,
please."
? If you make love to a secretary, she will probably say "Did you make
any appointment?"
? If you make love to a mini bus conductress, she will probably say"
masuk, banyak lagi tempat di belakang! Masuk! Tepi sikit, ada orang mahu
masuk lagi!" (Enter, there’s a lot of space in the back, Enter!, move to
the side a bit, there’s still some body who wants to enter)
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman
beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are
both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart
is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."
A few months ago, there was an opening
with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard
to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before
you can even be considered for the position.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely
secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to
a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow
your instructions no matter what the circumstances", they explained. "Inside
this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and
kill her."
"The man got a shocked look on his face and said "You can't be serious!
I could never shoot my own wife!"
"Well", says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for
this job then."
So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We
must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances",
they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting
in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nonetheless took the gun and
went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened.
The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot
her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not
the right man for the job."
"No" the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your
wife and go home."
Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to
the same door to the same room and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure
that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this
is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair.
Take this gun and kill him."
The woman took the gun and opened the door. Once the door closed, the
CIA heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. Then
all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging
on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet.
The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat
from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with
blanks! I had to beat the bastard to death with the chair!"
A man who worked for the fire department
came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful
system at the fire station.
'Bell 1' rings and we all put on our jackets.
'Bell 2' rings and we all slide down the pole.
'Bell 3' rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.
From now on we are going to run this house the same way.
When I say 'Bell 1', I want you to strip naked.
When I say 'Bell 2' I want you to jump in bed and
When I say 'Bell 3' we are going to make love all night."
The next night he came home from work and yelled,
"Bell 1." His wife took off all her clothes.
"Bell 2" - his wife jumped into bed.
"Bell 3" - they began making love.
After 2 minutes the wife yelled "Bell 4".
"What's this Bell 4?" asked the husband.
"More hose," she replied. "You're nowhere near the fire..."
Why is it that Singapore has selected its last
4 or 5 years of Miss Universe representative who are NUS/NTU undergrads,
or at least, an 'A'-level qualification ? It all started in the '80s
when ......
There is this Miss Universe contest.....and the 3 finalists are Miss
American, Miss Australia, and Miss Singapore. Miss Singapore, was
represented by Ah Huay who had no 'O'-level qualification. She is
socially -a class- better than an average Singaporean because she think
she could -slank- like an Ang-Moh when she converse, just like any SPG
(Sarong Party Girls).
Now....the judges are asking 3 questions to the finalists..
The 1st question is: -name me an electrical appliance starting with
the letter L...-
Miss America is as confident as ever, and replies straight away:-..lamp...-
The judges say good....
Miss Australia replies: .light bulb..- The judges say good.
Now Miss Singapore is not too sure...she finally says:-.....ladio....-
Then the judges say:-....sorry, radio doesn't start with letter L.....-
Now the 2nd question is:-..... name me an animal starting with the
letter L-
Miss America says confidently:- lion - The judges say good
Miss Australia says:- leopard.- The judges say good.
and now Miss Singapore isn't too sure again....she says:-...Labbit...-
The judges say:-...sorry, rabbit doesn't start with the letter L.....and
if you get the next question wrong, I'm afraid you are out of the contest....-
Now, the 3rd and last question......:-name me a fruit starting with
the letter L.....-
Miss America says:-.lime.- The judges say well done.....
Miss Australia says: lemon.- The judges say well done
Now Miss Singapore knows the answer for once.....she is very confident
that she will make it to the next round ....she
says:-.................LIEW LIAN.....(durian).........-
Now, the judge wants to give a final chance for Miss Singapore with
an additional 4th. question.
The 4th question is ... - name me a human organ starting with the letter
L...-
Miss America say : -. liver..-, The judge says well
done.
Miss Australia say:-.lung.-, The judge says well done again.
Miss Singapore is very over-confident, nothing can go wrong this time.
She told the judge she will name him 2 human organs with letter L instead
of 1, to gain extra points. The judge say,-.... go ahead please....-
Miss Singapore grabbed the microphone and shouted loudly,
....No.1 is LAM-PAH &
....No.2 is LAN-CHEOW........
And she looked at the judge with very wide smile.
( The judge by the way is a Singaporean himself ).
HASH INVITATION &
CELEBRATIONS
1. 29-31 May 1999 7th Borneo Nash Hash, Tawau – Reg.
Before 31 Dec. 1998 – RM150.00
2. 29-31 October 1999 Pan Aisa Hash 1999, Perth – Reg.
Before 31 May 1999 – USD130.00/ A$180.00
3. 25-27 February 2000 Interhash Tasmania 2000 – Reg.
Before 31 Dec. 1998 – A$225.00
The
Peril