Miri HHH Homepage\mixedexe

The Peril

9th March 1999 MH³ Weakly Newsletter of Hash Indignties (FOR MEMBERS ONLY !!!)

Run: 1664 ( Tuesday ) Date: 2nd March 1999 Location: 4 km UP the Bakam Turn-Off Hares: Blow Fish
I’ll make this bloody write up as boring as I possibly can, as it was involuntary. But then in the Miri Hash nothing is voluntary, including that evening when Blow Fish Huw was spotted bending over, with his shorts down, for you know who. Anyway, let’s not get distracted here.

The drive up the Bakam Turnoff was the usual dusty, bumpy, you-give-way-because-my-car-is-bigger ride. The crowd at the run site was bigger than I’ve expected, as the local Chinese community was suppose to be celebrating “Chap Goh May” to mark the end of the lunar new year. Sadly, tradition is fast disappearing but you can’t blame the locals. Remember, Sarawakians were suppressed by the British for over a century, and I dare you to give an example of a country where tradition has survived the brutality of British colonial rule. Anyway, back to the run.

The hare Blow Fish was seen, just minutes before the start of the run, to wonder out of the bush looking clean and dry, immediately making me suspicious of a long, wet and dirty run ahead. As usual, the first hill always end in a false trail and experienced as I am, I naturally stay well behind the pack. Minutes later, Jock the Strap breezed past me, but I was still well ahead of slower runners such as Riff –Raff Clayburn. After numerous false trails, streams, smelly swamps, rubber trees, hills & more hills, I finally emerged back to the Wagon, well ahead of most others, Riff-Raff for example.

After the routine down downs at the wagon, the locals headed home for sex while the impotent Shell Expats went off to the Khan’s for the on-on. I as usual do not attend such monotonous party so no details of the on-on in this write up.

ON ON Charlie Lee

Hash Trash A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny, keep me potent". The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" and says,"Here, if you eat this,you'll go nuts for twelve hours".The guy says, "Gimme three boxes".The next day the guy walks into the same pharmacy goes up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's member is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.The man says, "Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat".The pharmacist replies, "You're not going to put Deep Heat on that are you"? The man says, "No, it's for my arm, the girls didn't show up".

There was this couple in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on and read a book. As he was reading he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling with her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book. The wife then got up and started stripping off in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, "What are doing taking all your gear off? "The wife replied, "You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier. "The husband said, "No, not at all."The wife then asked," Well, what were you doing then?""Oh", he said, "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book!"

An old Welsh farmer and his wife went to a country fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "£10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot."That's too much," said the farmer. The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if youmake a sound, you'll have to pay £10."The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a braveman. ""Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I’ve got to tell you, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."

A guy went to a grocery store and asked the clerk behind the counter for2 cans of dog food."Do you have a dog?" asked the clerk."Yes, I do," replied the puzzled customer. "I'm sorry, sir," the clerk replied, "but you're going to have to prove to me that you have a dog before I can sell you the dog food." The frustrated customer went home to get his dog and pulled it on its leash all the way to the store."Here's my dog!" said the tired customer. "Thank you, sir. Here are your 2 cans of dog food."Two days later, the same guy returned to the same store. He went up to the same clerk and asked for 2 cans of cat food. "Do you have a cat, sir?""Of course, I do!" said the exasperated customer. "I'm sorry, sir, but I have to see your cat before I can sell you the cat food."The guy stormed out of the store, went home, grabbed his cat, dragged it to the store and held the cat up by its tail for the clerk to see."Thank you, sir. Here are your 2 cans of cat food."The very next day, the guy returned to the store with a white shoe box with a small hole on its cover. He approached the clerk and placed the shoe box on the counter. "Yes, sir, " asked the clerk, "what can I dofor you? "Put your finger in the hole," ordered the guy."I beg your pardon?" asked the clerk. "Just do as I said. It won't bite. "Cautiously the clerk put his finger in the hole. "Pull your finger out and tell me what it looks like," said the guy. The clerk pulled out his finger and exclaimed, "It looks like shit! ""YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT. Now give me 2 rolls of toilet paper.

Our staff has completed the 3 years of work on time and under budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files,including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the following new standards:>>>>Januark , Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December and...>>>>Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak>>>>I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y-to-K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We'll await your direction.

One day a young Texas couple decided to get married. After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees a cow and bull having sex. The new bride asks, "What are they doing honey? "The husband answers, "They're roping!" she replies, "Oh, I see!" A few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex. Again the bride asks, "What are they doing honey?" the husband answers, "They're roping!" she replies, "Okay, now I see! "Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they started to explore each other's body. The bride discovers her husbands penis. "What is that?" she asks. "That is my rope," he answers. She slides her hands down further and gasps, "What are those? ""They are my knots," he answers .Finally the couple begin to make love. After several minutes the bride says, "Stop honey, wait a minute!" Her husband asks, "What's the matter honey? "The bride replies, "Undo those knots and give me more rope!"