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The Peril

2nd February 1999 MH³ Weakly Newsletter of Hash Indignties (FOR MEMBERS ONLY !!!)

Run: 1657 ( Tuesday ) Date: 26th January 1999 Location: 5 km PAST Bakam Turn-Off Hares: Flesh Gordon, Michelle Trottle, Microhead & Squeeze AUSTRALIAN DAY HASH Location: Anywhere past the Police Check-Point – they always are aren’t they?

I guess many of us headed off for the Ozzy Hash to really find what an Ozzy is made of (now that will be answered later). After all it was set by real Australians (We all know there’s no real Australian as they’re full of English, Scottish and Irish blood ties and to remove that from them means there’s not much Oz to survive on)

Now to get you in the mood for the Hash -twists, turns, false trails, stopping and dangerous over taking were all part of the drive there and that was just to set the scene. Marian Bottman in particular deserves the award for her careful driving skills. And it’s also fucking hilarious to see the way we all change our approach to driving from dangerous, to fucking dangerous, as we leave Miri behind us and nearly piss our pants from the experience. And who the hell was the bastard in the truck who tried to pass us all?

Once checked in and it was noticeable to see more people this week, simply I guess because of a 'T'shirt –again surprising what slimy tight gits will do for a T shirt – Rub-A-Dub even came from Perth for one. (Or does she just commute here each Tuesday as she’s not missed a Miri Hash since she left.)

Now the hash (I’ve not done many)- just appears to be mainly full of Chinese people making the best possible use of English language; e.g.

- At the start       “Come on you fuckers”

- Over the bridge      “Move it fuckers”

- Through the mud      “Bastards”

- Up the steep fucking muddy hill    “YOU fucking slow fuckers”
(and if you happen to be the slow fucker – ‘I was the slow fucker ‘– it makes you want to kicker the fucker with the big fucking mouth in the fucking head!)

- And when forced to miss out the short cut “For fucks sake”
(fuck you Gordon)

- Finally completing the Hash     “That was fucking good”

Earns you all a Certificate in the English Fucking Language .
Now to get a degree you only have to attend the ‘On On’ – “Fucking Never Again” I say after the amount of Down Downs I had to enjoy!

Now they say a person can be judged from the type of Hash they set

The Scots       -- are so fucking tight they’ll be few short cuts.

The English     -- have no fucking idea who they are and therefore you’ll get lost, as they have no fucking idea where they are.

The Chinese    -- well they just FUCK off and leave you all behind

And well now

The Australians -- your hash was WET, MUDDY and FULL OF SHIT
Work it out for yourselves what an Australian is.

Hash Trash
With all these interesting poem that have been circulating around in the e-mails these days, I thought it’s only appropriate that the Miri HHH share them as well. Here they are;;
Roses are straight Violets are twisted Bend over, love You're about to get fisted. Roses are crap Violets are wanky Oooh I've just come Pass me a hanky Roses are stupid Violets are silly Grease up your flaps Cos here comes my willy Roses are awful Violets are the pits lift up your shirt And show us your tits Roses are crap Violets are shit Sit on my face And wiggle a bit Roses make me laugh Violets make me titter You're a dirty bitch And you love it up the shitter Roses are red When in reality sleeping with girls don't beat bestiality ! Roses are red but I like carnations you're so crap in bed that I fucked your alsatian Roses are red Violets are finer Chickens are fowl just like your Vagina Roses are red it's elementary Let's ring up a friend and try double entry Roses are shit Violets are crap Show me yer clit And I'll cum in yer lap A wee bit of Scottish culture to brighten up your day. Robert Burns' oratory and prose skills are world renowned. As is his fondness for all things, well...If it moves... These are a few extractions from his repertoire. TO A PENIS. An hour or twa ago, puir thing, Ye made a lassie's gled hert sing, For then ye stuck oot firm and prood An' put Jean Armour in the mood. She doted on the love ye geid, An' lost wi' glee her maidenheid. Her comely thighs, her erse sae braw Did answer mother nature's ca'. She squirmit like a trimlin' jelly, As ye went scuddin' up her belly. Fu' prood she wis o' hard worked penis: an' hoo ye jerked sae weel between us; She lay there, gigglin' wi' pleasure; Lie doon, and rest - ye've earned yer leisure. For Ye geid yer a' tae satisfy The urgent need o' Jean and I. Still ye did a guid night's work; Ye did yer duty, didnae shirk. Noo, wee thing ye look sae sad, You're just nae use tae Rabbie lad. Ye're wabbit oot, an' saft as butter - But hoo ye made Jean Armour splutter. An' as I slowly puff my pipe Ye look just like some wrinkled tripe. Noo ma Bonnie Jean's gang hame Tae hing her heid in sorry shame. Ye ken gie weel ye did her wrang - I kept ye in her far too lang, An' noo we'll hae tae wait an' see If Jean will hae a pregnancy. Oh weel, we a' men, we tak oor chances, Let's saunter doon tae Poosie Nansy's, An' when I've had a dram or twa I'll let ye piss agin' the wa'. Maybe ye'll pardon my abuses I realise ye've ither uses. ORAL SEX - AN ODE TO LOVE Penis breath, a lover's dread Is what you get when you give head Unpleasant as it tends to be Be grateful that he doesn't pee It's times like this, you wonder why You bothered reaching for his fly But it's too late, can't be a tease Accept the fact, get on your knees You know you've got a job to do So open wide and shove it through Lick the tip then take it all Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl Slide up and down, use your tongue And feel the precum start to run Your jaw it aches, your neck is numb So when the fuck's he gonna cum Just, when you can't take anymore You hear your lover's might roar And when he hits that real high note You feel it oozing down your throat Salty, fishy, sticky stuff Okay already, that's enough Let's switch you say, before you gag And what revenge, you're on the rag.

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"

One day the seven dwarfs were coming home after a hard days work. As they approach the house, they hear some sounds coming from the garden. Their curiosity aroused, they stand on each others shoulders until finally one of them can see over the garden wall.

The dwarf at the top, sees Snowwhite and the prince sitting and talking in the garden.
He says to the dwarf who`s shoulder he is standing on, "Snow White is with the Prince"
This in turn gets passed down, dwarf to dwarf, "Snow White is with the Prince" "Snow White is with the Prince" "Snow White is with the Prince" "Snow White is....." (and so on) until it has reached all the dwarfs.

Then the dwarf at the top says: "They`re Kissing" Again the chain starts: "They`re Kissing" "They`re Kissing" "They`re Kissing" "They`re ......." "He`s taking off her clothes" "He`s taking off her clothes" "He`s taking off her clothes" "He`s taking off............" "They`re both nude now" "They`re both nude now" "They`re both nude now"

"They`re both........." "He`s about to enter her" "He`s about to enter her" "He`s about to enter her" "He`s about to.........."

At this point Snow White hears a sound near the wall, and so she gets up to investigate.

The dwarf at the top sees this and says: "She`s Coming" "So am I" "So am I" "So am I" "So am I" "So am I" "So am I"

HASH INVITATION & CELEBRATIONS 27th February 1999 Miri HHH Chinese New Year ’99 Hash & Party 29-31 May 1999 Borneo Nash Hash, Tawau --- Reg. Rm150.00 29-31 October 1999 Pan Asia Hash 1999, Perth --- Reg. USD130.00 / A$180.00 25-27 February 2000 Interhash 2000 Tasmania --- Reg. A$250.00