The Cinema Cynic

these are in no particular order MOVIE REVIEWS
Read on for totally biased, and politically incorrect reviews of what I think are great movie masterpieces, and/or total pieces of shit that deserve to be crucified. -cc-

"Black Hawk Down" - Kick ass movie based on actual events! I give all the military men and women praise for putting your lives on the line for your country and the countries of others. However, although you're willing to sacrifice your lives for us, that still does not give you the right to act like TOTAL ASSHOLES when you're out in public with the rest of us civilians!
"Monsters Inc." - All I can say is that I totally loved this movie, and that if I ever have a daughter (yeah right...but if I do), I hope she's just like Boo.
"Barbershop" - AWESOME movie! It actually has a very heartwarming story, and was damn funny too. Ice Cube is da man! I really liked Eve too. I mean, I can't stand her music, but she is a good actor...and I think she's pretty hot too!
"Lord of the Rings...the 1st one" - This was a really good movie, but I had a hard time paying attention to the story. I spent most of the time trying to figure out how they made all those Hobbit (or is it Hobbitt) dudes appear so short on the screen. Oh well...
"Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course - Everyone thought I was crazy when I told them how much I liked this movie. But give credit where credit is due. Steve Irwin (and his wife Teri) kick ass! I don't think even Jackie Chan would attempt to do the things these guys do in this movie.
"The Sweetest Thing" - I give praise to the Goddess Christina Applegate! Oh, and the movie was pretty good too.
"Undercover Brother" - This movie is destined to be a great American Classic. Well, maybe not, but it was damn funny! If you like black comedy (no offense), then this is a must-see.
"Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones" - This one was almost as bad as "Phantom Menace." That whiny Anakin Skywalker, the rest of the boring characters, and a weak story made this movie a waste of time. And when Yoda came out and fought that light saber battle...that really killed the movie. It looked like someone got a Yoda doll, tied it to a fishing pole, and bounced him around the studio! The one and only good thing about this movie was that Natalie Portman was flashing some belly button.
"The Original Kings of Comedy" - Funny shit! If you love [racial, raunchy, profane] stand-up comedy as much as I do, then this is the one for you. Steve Harvey, D.L. Hughley, Cedric the Entertainer, and Bernie Mac rip the stage up! Laughter is definitely the best medicine.

Clarification of some of the terms I use in my movie reviews: AWESOME means AWESOME CLASSIC means CLASSIC COOL means COOL SUCKED means it SUCKED CHEESY means CHEESY simple enough, huh?

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© 2003 evol65@hawaii.rr.com

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