Lisa's Journal

January 25th - February 1st

January 25th.. Was GREAT to get back!! oOh! and I noticed how lame i can be when it comes to typing in my journal, hehe. But its the truth! Really how I feel.. its my emotions.. how could THAT possibly be lame. hah HAH.

January 26th.. Oh Im so tired. And I feel bad.. im tired, and you know.. just dont feel great. Ever been mad and not known why? lol no im not on the rag. I donno why I was just so pissed this evening. I was talking with purple ( a really good friend of mine though at times I've wanted to smack him upside the head ) and its like I can't trust him anymore, and that hurts. You see he tried to break me and my bf up cause he didnt think we should be together. You know me I couldnt stay mad at him even if I wanted to, lol. We were talking about matt and me and there was stuff I wanted to tell him, but felt it was like this little girl talking to an older guy who was probably rolling his eyes at her everyword. Okay the little girl vs the mature man was true, but not the rolling of eyes. heh lucky me. I thought it was cute, he told a friend of mine, "I wish lisa was 10 years older and lived around me." I thought that was sweet, but of course :). Matt had to go and I swear my heart just about broke. You know that feeling in your heart when you're in love and something happens between you and the person and you feel like you're heart is just about going to break? That times 10 s what I felt.. I hate that feeling, but I only hear Im gonna go through it a lot more then just once heh.

Patty really pissed me off today. Patty and I have been friends since 5th grade and she can be a total bitch. I dont know what her problem is but ever since she found out I didnt believe in god, she's been treating me like one of her enemies. Today she came over to me and looks at me up and down and goes, "Lisa can i tell you a secret?". I said leaned back wondering what smart ass thing she had to say to me and she says "I dont like you're hair dearist" I'm laughing, and said, "and you think I actually value your opinion, hun?" She gives me a dirty look so I lean over pat her stomach and told her since we were on the subject of how each other looks, you might want to lose a few pounds. the girl is like 5'5" and weighs 200. Ok I have to admit it was mean, but shes been asking for it all week. I mean jeez she even called ME a whore the other day. ME!! a whore! hmph!!

January 28th.. New Moon tonight :) I went to school today. I got really paranoid, because we're taking this test called the "FCAT". It like desides what classes you'll take next year.. either the ones for "special" kids ( the dumb ones ) or the regular or advanced. If you get stuck in the "special" classes you can pretty much kiss going to college GOOD BYE! You see, they put you way behind, and when you get into regular classes you have no clue what they're saying. So you flunk you SATS and you get a 900 and dont go to a good college and end up being the manager of Mc Donalds!! *GRABS HAIR* SO pretty much.. dumb kid classes=no college. Not like I'll get stuck in one..... but I did something sort of..... stupid :). I christmas treed my math section!!! AAAHHHH!!! Christmas tree means you just fill in any bubble ;) So I was totally freaked out because I totally flunked my SATS because I christmas treed that too!!! I was in total histarics muddering about being the manager at Mc Donalds. So I finished my English section and.. naughty me.. went back and did the math section again. THe teacher said "go back you die" but im still alive so its all good :).

January 29th.. I stayed home today, I didn't really feel like going to school. My evening was totaly fucked up. I was so so so upset. Okay where do I start.. I was talking with my friend and teacher ( she teaches me paganism in general ) Mystique, and she said, "Lisa if you dont shut up I'm going to tell Matt you're having an affair with your "Brother n Law" and you're trying to deside who to stay with." I laughed and I said "I dare you, girl!!! I fricken dare you. He'd never believe that!!!!. :)". Guess I was wrong. He did believe it. I dont mean to sound stuck up and I hesitate typing this but when Mystie told him his first words were, "Why do I always get dumped? I'm always getting dumped... Why dont I dump someone" I was, like, shocked. #1 He believed it!! #2 I figured if he really loved me he wouldnt be crying about being dumped, but wondering why and screaming about how I could possibly be doing that to him. For the record I'd never do something like that. I guess he didn't know that, and that hurt a bit. The whole thing just made my heart feel like a knife was going through it. Anyone know that feeling?

Matt had to go and I cried and boohooed to Mystique for over an hour. Purple got on and we had a nice long talk about it as well... Black_tar ( jeff ) wanted to know all of what happend and wouldnt leave me alone so I told him. Myst and Purple were good help at first. I wont repeat what they both said because I'm afraid of who will read this *COUGH*. They both said over all just to leave him.. I couldnt and can't do that. Would be like a piece of me missing. Matt came back on and Mystique yelled at him in private ( she pasted the convo to me ) and then all of a sudden she pastes "<_Matt_> YEAH WELL SHE'S FULL OF IT". I'm like, "WHAT DID HE SAY!~?!~?" She says, "Lisa I definatly think you should leave him." I couldnt believe he would say that so I asked him. He said he didn't say it and actually sent me a log of the conversation. He didnt have anytime to fuck with the log, trust me. Myst was crying and sobbing and hugging me and just being really upset, crying about how I didn't believe her and how shes going to be sick for weeks because of this. I was so lost and confused. I just sat there stunned and wanted to get away from it so so so so SO bad. I dont handle stuff like this very well.

January 30th.. I went to school today of course. Spent the whole day aganizing about wether matt hated me or not. We had FCAT make ups so I spent a couple hours in this tiny room making it up.. beth walked in and I waved to her. This girl named Jennifer Wolfgang is missing.. I sort of knew her. We werent really good friends. She's missing :( Since tuesday. Someone abducted her I think.. I hope she makes it home okay. Our science teacher gave us the total 3rd degree. I can understand asking the students if anyone saw jennifer but he literally took some students out of the class at a time and asked us over and over if we know anything about what happend.

I got home and spent the night waiting for matt to get on so we could talk. Never happend.

January 31st.. Today was absolutly awesome. I woke up got online and of course looked for matt.. he wasent on. I called beth and she invited me over to her house. I got over there and jennifer and sasha were around the Four Wheeler. I got out and we talked with them for a while. Beth came out of the house and I got on the back of the 4 wheeler.. we rode away and I was clinging to beth for dear life, lol. Every time she switched gears I would totaly scream. It would give off this noise and would surprise me everytime. Beth has a lot of woods around her house.. and trails are everywhere. The neighborhood kids maybe have a grand total of 8 four wheelers, and everyone lets everyone else use them. So they're tons of cool trails to ride on. Beth took me on every single one we could find and we were slamming into trees and bushes trying to go over them, heh. We were going through some mud and the wheel caught my shoelace... beth stopped and I got my foot up and tied my shoe.. all of a sudden with me not holding onto her, she slams on the peddle and I fall off the back. I landed on my ass in this big pile of mud, ewww. Hehe I pulled her hair when I went falling off, so she probably has a big bold spot. I laughed so hard, got myself back up and back on the 4 wheeler. We drove around some more and came across these little hellians who were calling us whores for no apparent reason. Just the kind of dishits that live around beth, I guess. Beth got pissed man she tried driving over the little pipsqueeks with the 4 wheeler hehe. They ran from us so fast.. tried throwing stuff at us and calling names but we yelled back. Beth drove away, mad, at about 40 mph. We were driing through this huge field and these two guys on one came out and we stopped to talk. We raced each other down the road and of course we won. We went through the woods some more and they followed us.. But of course beth lost them :) Was a pretty entertaining 10 minutes.