Lisa's Journal
January 5th - January 12th
January 5th..
Today was the first day back! And it sure was normal! Was wonderful to see all of my friends again, I must say. I woke up around 6:30 or 6 from this dream I was having around matt. LOL Im starting to worry about myself, I dream about him soo much, it isnt funny. I got online because I was ready to go n stuff and ran into Nigel, matts friend. He told me Matts mom would only let him on 30 minutes during the weekdays and an 1 on the weekends. I felt like I was going to die.
January 7th..
I had an odd day! I think I might get suspended from school *bites nails*. At lunch I was
talking with my friends and eating, then I looked over to another table where my cousin,
bonni, was sitting. She was crying and her 3 best friends were holding her trying to calm
down. I got up and went over to talk with her and see what was wrong. Her EX boyfriend sits
about 5 kids away from her and her friends. He was talking about her.. comparing her to his
new girlfriend. Err I was so pissed off.. Bonni got up, followed by me and her friends and
they circled around him. Bonni started yelling and cussing, she was really upset. He was
yelling back and cussing and calling her names like slut and whore. She was about to hit
him but her two friends held her back. Beccy and I started bitching at him saying he had
no fucking right to say shit like that and he got in our faces.. so we accidently..
"fell" on him, and poor beccy accidently elbowed him in the eye. Took me a while to get up
but unfortunatly I stepped on him and spat some words, first, of course. I saw him in the
hallway and we mingled. I mean I totaly disagree with what he did.. talking about her as
cruel as he did? Right infront of her? The pig.
Beth went to church today. This girl that lives with her, Dana, is always bugging her to go. She always preaches to her about God and things like that. Hey it's ok that she believes in all that but she shouldn't be trying to convert Beth and Preach to beth about her beliefs 24 hours a day. As I hear Beth gave the priest hell, lol. Isnt her fault she didnt agree with him!
January 8th.. I came home early from school today. I went to school and roamed the halls during homebase. I ran into Boni and she was beaming. I asked her how life is and she said it was great. Sure is a change from yesterday :) Was great to see her so happy.
Journal, I was a naughty girl today, lol. I skipped 1st and 2nd period, teehee. I got to school and it was raining and thundering. I had to get to band for homebase and had to run through the court yard.. took me a while but I finally got there. The loud speakers turned on and our principal was saying to stay in the buildings until further notice, so all six of us crept into one of the sound proof rooms and started talking. We looked out the window of the room and we saw some people leaving. We're like "*groan* I really dont want to go to first period" So all of us with our evil minds ( ya sure ) desided to stay. The teacher said before that he would come in and get us when it was time to leave. So we figured we'd stay there till he came.. and hopefuly he forgot about us. He did.. so about 2 hours later while everyone was in second period we poked our heads out and thought it was about time to finish our little game. We were getting really bored in there and so we found the teacher and he started laughing at us. So he gave us a pass after we did a pretty damn good acting job on him. I swear the guy is so stupid he actually thought we sat there for 2 hours thinking "Oh gee I guess we still can't leave the building even though I dont hear any rain anymore".
All that morning I had been having really bad cramps. I am such a freacking weirdo when I'm on the rag I swear. When I was in the room everyone made that clear lol. We ran to math and everyone stared as we walked in, and we tried not to laugh. I got about 20 "Where have you beens?" from my peers. I took the math test they were working on in about 3 minutes ( Ya I Ast it ) and went to the Nurse. I couldnt stand the cramps anymore so got to go home *YAY!*. *groan* Why oh why do women have to go through this cramp shit? I swear the PMS godddess *hehe* is a punishing me!!
January 9th..
I woke up to my mother rubbing my back. Oh jesus this hurts so much. Yes I still have cramps if that is what you're wondering. A couple people over the last 2 days have sent me energy.. I'm not so skeptical about it working anymore. My friend Smurfey is 2nd grade in reiki and sent me some. Right away I felt better. I took a nap and thought about matt a lot. Was really relaxing to just sit there with soft music on and sleep. hmm :)
January 10th..
My mom came into my room yesterday and looked at me, and sat on the end of the bed. She goes, "I think we should send Crystal ( my cousin ) a CD player.". I got a confused look on my face and asked why. She said, "It might cheer her up, and would be something to listen to you know?" I asked why she needed cheering up and my mother just looked at me and said, "Crystal has cancer." I was so shocked, I didnt know what to say. I wanted to cry but I couldnt. My cousin! Crystal! Cancer?! What the hell is this!? She's only fucking 15 years old. She has a whole life infront of her.. she cant have this shit blocking her chances of happiness, and.. well.. LIFE. She's going through so much pain.. and there is a chance of her getting through this but there is also a chance she wont. I wanted to something, so bad. I got online and talked with Mystique. She's my.. teacher, I guess you could call her. She is teaching me paganism in general. How to handle energy and all that. I asked her if there was anything I could do for her.. a ritual, a spell, a SOMETHING. She couldnt think of anything. I was so fucking mad, I cried, and talked with matt. I snapped at him, and then felt a like a total bitch after that. He left, and I just sat around and thought.
Today Mystique got something together I could do for my cousin. It was energy handling, or something. It just had to do with taking energy from the earth, thanking the earth ect ect, and then focusing it on my cousin. I'm going to do this serveral times a day, and pray.. to whatever is out there. I dont believe in God, or the pagan God and Goddess, so I dont see how praying will help. I havent made up my mind yet if either of none of them excist. I wish I had faith I really do.. too bad there arent any faith pills heh. Crystal will live through this, I know she will, because I wont let her die. Yes, I'm a stuborn mule :)
Today my new furniture finally got here. It's a dark wood, and all the pieces I got are beautiful, with silver, iron, in the shape of leafs, for handles to the drowers. It goes really well with my wood door and frame around the room, and closet doors.
I looked really hard on getting web rings together, today. Doesnt seem to help when it comes to getting more hits, *SIGH* I guess I just have to be more persistant. :)
January 12th..
What a day. I went to school and told my cousin, Bonni, about our cousin Crystal. Her parents dont tell her shit, and I thought she should know. It might not have been my place but I dont care. We both just about broke down cying in the middle of class, but she took it well. We talked and hugged and talked about what a great person she is and how she is going to make it through this.
Heidi asked me today about how to get self confidence. I was in shock.. someone asked me how to get self confidence? that doesnt happen very much. :) It kinda tells me I've grown. I know I do have more than I used to.. ok.. well I have a LOT more, then I used to. I know I do and was sort of flatered when she asked me. I told her that I noticed she never gives her opinion untill after other people have, so she can see on what to decide. Like she'll believe in one thing but will go with the group because the majority of the people there think so and so. I told her to express herself more and dont go with the croud so much. If we're talking about something and a question comes up and she needs to give her opinion and some of the people there dont agree with her, dont back down. Say why and such you think this, and just plane stand up for yourself. She started talking about her bads points and I told her about when a friend of mine asked me about my good points a while back I was stumped. Took me a while to figure it out, but when he asked me about my bad points they came rolling off my tongue. The thing is not to stress so much on your bad points and focuss on your good ones.
Heidi also got a kick out of my lisp. All I heard all day was "Oh I love the way you talk and I just LOVE your mouth" I just shurgged it off and told her to get a life lol. I'm really sencitive about how I talk and dont like it when people point out my lisp :(. I also hate it when people stare at my mouth