Lisa's Journal

December 29th - January 4th
December 29th.. I was sooo pissed today. I was talking with my irc buddie purple and then all of a sudden, Matt asks me if I know him. I'm like yea I do.. He's tellin me that purple was trying to talk him out of going out with me. I'm like "what the HELL!?!" I got in the window I was talking with purple in and I'm like, "How the HELL could you do this to me?!!? I hate you". And well yea with the things he was saying to Matt about me.. I did hate him. Purples over all msg was.. and his opinion of me must be.. "Lisa is a very bright girl, but not emotionaly mature, has the body of an 11 year old, and plays with god damn barbies" Ok #1.. The body of an 11 year old? I dont think so.. I might be flat has the hell but no 11 year old is 6ft thank you very much. *sigh* jeez. Ok so anyway.. I was really upset about what purple did. I was even worried matt was having second thoughts now. I dont think purple understood how much he could have hurt me if Matt broke up with me. I would probably hide under a rock and cry my eyes out day after day after day. I think it was stupid of him and he should have known better.. next time if he wants to screw with a friends relationship he should probably check it out from every angle. if I learned anything its probably that the truth hurts, through this whole thing.

December 30th.. Purple and I are being "friendly" to each other. We talked.. I dont agree with his actions but his intent was good. *sigh* I dont like being mad at him.. So I guess we just have to take things a step at a time and maybe we can salvage this friendship.

December 31st.. Loren caught me on his computer today, heheee. I was *TRYING* to send Matt a new pic of me. Geeeee to bad it didnt work *cough*. hehe. I'll try again tomorrow I guess.

Mom and I went shopping for winter clothes. We went into this store called Structure. Of course its a men store.. and of course I would shop there, lol! I dont know why but I like guys clothes better then womens.. womens are all flowery n shit.. and guys are all comfortable and clean cut looking. I got a couple sweaters and some cool jeans.. lol I sound like a cross dresser, *shrug* guess you just have to know me irl :P. We went to Pacific Sunwear.. I LOVE that store!! Oh my gosh!! They have the phatist ( new word I learned from jeff an irc buddie ) ( phat=cool ) Jeans, and shirts. I was in LOVE! hehe we found me a jacket I can wear when we got up to Denver Colorado. Wohooo!! It's really nice.. : O)

I tried Role Playing on IRC today. I have a friend mystique, and she's REALLY into it. Her character is a wolf and she just had some puppys with her husband, shade. I'm not sure what I am anymore, lol. I get confused and can't tell when they're playing and arent.

January 1st.. *sigh* I wanted to go out to beth's house for a new years party.. but no.. my mother had already made plans for my friend to come over. Of course why should I know about these things? heh no reason at all! Gracies parents didnt have any place to put her new years eve so of course dumped her off at our house.Dont get me wrong I love gracie and she's sweet.. but.. she sort of annoys me. Shes really immature and it drives me insane when she crams stuff up her nose and then blows it out so it flies across my room. I always feel like I should get paid when im with her for babysitting, lol! My New years was ok over all.. I talked with matt and tried to entertain gracie..

My new years resolutions are.. hmm.. to work on how I am in the inside you know? Like self improvment. Not be so selfish, bratish, bitch like at times, and so spoiled. Maybe volenteer some time at the charlotte county hospital. I've been thinking about doing that for a long time.. but I might be to young. I hope not... it's something I would enjoy, I think.

January 2nd..*yawn* *rubs eyes* It's sort of late.. and here I am trying to type :). Mom and I went shopping for skiing clothes. We picked out a lot of things, some sweaters, some thick jeans, some turtle necks, and some boots. I wasent to sure about the boots but I dont think my poor airwalks would survive the snow, hehe. I tried hurrying up because I wanted to make it online before matt left. No such luck.. I figured by the time we were leaving the mall he must have left so me and my mom went and sat down at Rubby Tuesdays for dinner. We havent done that forever.. just sit down just me and her and talk over dinner. The last time, I remember, I was 9, and my mother was telling me about how her and my father were getting a divorse. I was happy then and im still happy now heh about that. We talked about everything.. and I figured out why I was having dizzy spells when I was 10 and 11. I remember they were horrible.. I would sit up and everything around me would move and shake.. I would try walking and I would fall down because everything seemed to be moving and it wouldnt stop.. I would run into my moms room and sit on her bed and she would hold me till it stopped. I remember they were horrible.. she always told me they were because I got up to fast. She said they were from stress from when my parents were divorcing.. it was a bad time.. they would yell over the phone about things and I would always HATE going to my fathers every weekend. I'm so thankful we dont have to go to his house every weekend now. Anyway I remember going to a therapist and we would talk and she would ask me things casually and duhh of course I knew what she wanted to hear which was namily about my parents, and my feelings with that.

I've always been jealous of my friends relationships with their fathers. Why can't I have a nice, gentle one? One that understands you and is there for you.. Yea I know my dad is there for me.. but he's so god damn hard headed and his way is ALWAYS the right way and I cant think other wise!! He hugs me and kisses me and tells me he loves me and I believe him. But he never does that with my brother.. and i think that is why he's such a hard ass. Well thats not the only reason.. he's so much like his dad, it isnt funny. Ok i think I beat that horse to a pulp.. ( hah.. I barely got into it )

In this channel called #cyberwitch.. we had a meeting today, about wether a certain ex-op should be unbanned or not. I didnt want him to be unbanned because we had tangled a bit before he got banned.. I think he's a rude jerk and wont ever change. but in the end the desicion was that he will be unbanned and we will all poor love out of our hearts for him to maybe change him. I'm too tired anymore to argue with it.. I'll just go with it and be as nice as I can to him.. well as nice as one can be, I supose to a person like that. I dont think he'll change.. "you cant change a person who doesnt want to be changed" said a friend of mine during the meeting. and I agree with it so much. I hope this works *sigh*.

January 3rd.. Beth called me and told me we were going to go see Titanic. I got ready in 15 minutes ( which is a gosh darn RECORD ) and paid Loren, my older brother, to give me a ride to beths house. I got there and we hopped in her moms van and halled ass to the movies. The movie was the BEST! VERY well done.. the director captured it sooo well. I cried through most of it.. the sences were horrible.. horrible as in scary.. I would never be able to handle a situation like that.

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