As I drown my sorrows,
My sorrows drown me.
I can't keep afloat,
Without her here to see.

The only buoyant force
That holds me above
The cold harsh wake,
Is the thought of her love.

Gasping for air,
Her face I long to touch.
When I can't see her,
I miss her so much.

As I go under,
I cry, desperately, her name.
She knows my everything.
And I, hers, the same.




I don't know why
I always get this way.
But what makes me happy
Is so far away.

The distance betwixt
Rips me to shreds.
But without her there,
I'd wish to be dead.




I sink, again, into my pit of remorse.
I don't know how,
But sometime my thoughts just lead to her.
Then lead to the distance.
Then to the bottle.
They are then magnified.
It all falls into a violent cycle,
She being the only one,
Who can release me.

But what is to become of me
When she is no longer there;
No longer there to support me.
No longer there to keep me from my fears.
No longer there,
No longer there.




"Disillusioned"

i stand on the edge of hell.
i see many wondrous things.
this place,
it seems not tortuous.
instead it seems to be a
Paradise.
i notice something, though, that
it seems to be
Without.
You,
are all that's missing.
Is
this the punishment
that i deserve.
what was heaven has turned to
HELL.




I don't claim intelligence
In dealing with my emotions.
I do not believe that
My actions are beneficial.
My actions are only because
I long for you,
And wish you were here.




I walk through this dark tunnel of fear.
Slowly, unsurely, some light does appear.
My pace quickens promptly.
As does my heart, too.
That light at the end of the tunnel,
That light is you.




I can't see the future.
For sure, anyways.
I can do quite little.
But sit and count days.

Days 'til I see you.
Until your sweet voice is heard.
'Til next letter comes.
But ours is above words.

It is the thoughts in our head,
The feelings that we share,
The weavings of our souls,
Is why, so greatly, we care.




"Shunned"

My life hasn't been that splendid.
Some highlights here,
Some highlights there.
Not much to say about that.
Just another 'A' student.
Just another Apathetic student.
I have much Ability,
In so many things.
I could do so much
In my said time.
You may wish that you
Had the things I did:
The gifts of the mind,
The gifts of learning,
And even the gifts of athletics.
But, with these gifts,
Comes loneliness,
Broken expectations,
Broken trusts,
Broken dreams.
I have Achieved much already.
Enough to fill others lifetimes.
I am weary now, though.
I reach out for a hand.
That hand, I have found.
It will take much reaching, still.
It will take much effort,
Much exertion and fatigue,
Much pain and desire,
For my life is not easy,
Even though you may think contrarily.
Although much was put before me,
Little resistance was found.
The journey to heights was fun,
That is, while it lasted.
The journey, now, is Achromatic,
Bland,
Bitter.
But, this new journey,
The journey to that single hand,
Consumes my every wish.
For that hand
I will go forth without Apathy,
Go forth and claim happiness,
In this land where all is not as it seems.
So disappointed are they,
Who expected so much,
But continue to see
The ebbing of the tide,
The waning of the moon.
The tide that raised the bar
Of their expectations,
Even higher.
The moon,
In completion,
Wrote futures, for them,
That were never fulfilled.
Great records fall hard.
Card houses fall swiftly.
For they know naught
Of how I feel, wherefore I feel.
They just show disappointment.
Just schoolchildren,
Angry at the ocean,
For receding beyond their castle lands;
Throwing rationale and compassion,
With the sand flung from their hands.




If every time I mention another girl,
You get like this,
You truly don't understand
My love
For you,
You truly don't understand that
I love you
With every breath i take,
With every pulse that,
In me, beats,
With every word I utter,
With every thought that runs through my head.
In the end, it is
Only you,
And
You alone
That
I desire.
In the end,
It is you.




Though stumble,
Fall not.
Hear the winds of change now.
Feel the difference in the pain
That has always cramped.
Feel the difference in her touch,
That has always moved.
Know naught of these things
That tear at souls.
That know desires.
That know where to squeeze.
To give only chances at happiness
A chance at indefinite comatose.
Why must suffering be fed?
Why must this longing be endured?
Why must distance keep
So very far away?




I have wants just like you,
Though mine aren't quite the same.
You may wish for fortune,
You may wish for fame.

But I cherish one thing,
And one thing alone.
I wish to refind, in my eye,
That fire that has shone.

I search yonder and far,
And far and yonder.
But when I find no result,
It seems to make me ponder.

You want what I have,
I have what you may lack.
Something was taken from me,
And I wish for it back.

I will do what it takes,
To reach my soul mate.
I would cross an ocean,
I would satiate,

The feeling of hunger,
The feeling of alone.
I would give up anything
To let my feelings be known.

I profess these thoughts
'Most every day.
But you come up speechless.
You have little to say.

But soon the time will come,
The time, you know well.
The time that brings us together.
The time that I make haste from this hell.




"Overcast"

I wonder aimlessly in this fog of confusion and despair.
The path I was traversing, has found itself, once again, alone.
This path was once wide and paved,
But when I arrived in this valley of loneliness,
It disappeared into the thick soup of fog.

Now, lost am I, who wanders for acceptance, wanders alone.
I have been here many times, and many times, I will return.
The path once led to hope and love,
But now it leads to a destination
That has faded into the bog.

It brought me within feet of she who owns my love.
She was so very close to me, yet truly, so far away.
It led me to the most important person,
In my wretched life,
But now it just leads me astray.

I cannot help but think of the times that may be ahead.
Nor can I forget the actions, the words, that have connected us.
I search, nearly in vain, for the path that I once traversed,
But, it is, for now, in vain, still,
For she is so very far away.

I can only wish for the time to pass me, swiftly, by.
And that distance makes our love, our connection, grow stronger yet.
The time will pass more swiftly, with each day I survive,
But still, it is eternity,
In my heart, my mind, my soul.

I know that we will find each other eventually.
Our love is made from everything it could have been.
We love not just little things,
But instead, to each other,
We show love that is whole.




All life is illusion,
All life is naught.
All life is something,
That cannot be taught.

When everything you've lived for,
Everything you once were,
Comes down to a simple word,
A word such as "her"

It can all leave in a heartbeat.
Be rid of and forever gone
In a flash of emotion.
Your hopes leave with dawn.




What I miss is yesterday.
What I miss is the past.
But this pain that I'm feeling,
I'll not let, for long, last.

Why live in the past,
When your future needs paving.
Why throw away days,
When it's days you should be saving.

Do not regret your past.
Instead relish what's to be.
Yet, don't plan too far ahead,
Else your dreams will drown at sea.




When one loses everything,
They have nothing to lose.
They can do things that they never thought possible.
They can go forth without fear
Of further pain and loss.
Without fear of the cost.
These things can drag them in two ways:
Out of the chasm of demise,
Or into the cavern of despair.
The way is not, though, up to them.
Instead it is but a feather,
In the winds of fate.
Carried to the land of eternal joy,
Or to that of eternal hate.




A soul cries out.
With nothing left to hold,
It wallows in agony.
Its melancholy knows no bounds.
Deeper and deeper it sinks,
Sinks into a sea of discontent.
A sea of rage,
Hate, despair.
A sea too deep to ever turn over.
A hate too burning to ever be tempered.
Rage too violent to ever be pacified.
And a despair so obliterating
Of human feeling that the suffering
Knows no bounds.




"The Unknown"

An apathetic wanderer,
Lost in a world of empathy.
Confused at these strange and alien acts.
These acts of compassion,
These acts of love.
Has it been so long?
Was it such a grave loss?
That a former resident
Could become a dissident?
Blinded by the hate of fear,
The hate of nothingness.
The fear of hate,
The fear of
Alone.




Always forced to bear the weight.
Always forced to bury this ever growing grief.
"Be strong." They all say.
"Here you are, so strong and brave."
Fallacies.
All falsehoods.
They are blinded by the illusion which has always been in place.
One day, they shall find, no longer, a vital stanchion.
One day, all their world is going to come crashing down.




Always striving to be the best.
Always putting it to the test.
When the judgment days shall come.
Who will stay and who will run?

Those who kick and bite and scream,
Or those who think and wait and dream?
The time is soon, the place is here:
Is it judgment that you fear?




You fear the setting of the new-born sun.
You fear a life, lackluster, void of fun.
You take your little, worthless pills.
You receive your ever regressing thrills.

You hate the world for fighting wars.
You go off every night with your whores.
You drink yourself blind and swear like mad.
You cry over loves, lost, you had.

You blame everything on someone other.
You sin every time your mouth utters.
You scream with hate and hate with fear.
You regress with every single tear.

You.




You love to hate.
You hate to love.
When push comes to push,
You always shove.

You rage like mad.
You are mad with rage.
The ever popular,
Rat in a cage.

You destroy hopes.
And with it love.
And down the stairs,
What's next to shove.




Splitting Wood

Splitting wood is such a tedious thing.
The bond that's broken
Was formed by much times suffering.
Not only, is this timber harmed,
But anything that's near,
Is put in perilous danger of being struck
With a blow of grief.
The ax that is the driving force,
Behind the tearing apart of this entity,
Was wrought by much dissidence.
The handle formed through loose tongues.
The trouble with wood splitting is simple:
Once forced apart,
Never again will it be together,
The same.




The fear of dynamics is a fear we need not.
We run from change.
We run and hide.
But we need not run,
We need not cower.
For we gain knowledge,
And knowledge is power.




A shout in the silence.
A flame in the dark.
Like a drip from a faucet,
Like a match and a spark.

All things not normal,
Are most oft disliked.
All things noble are oft,
For the self, not right.




A storm's pinnacle of power,
Is at the point of its calm.
The clarity within, there,
Is known not by omniscients;
Known by naught.

This eye is our anger.
Calm, collected, and certain,
As it gathers its strength.
The time is near for the wrath
To be unleashed.

Yet not in a crude and primitive fashion.
In a planned and well executed,
Chain of events.
As the first domino is pushed,
So too, the rest will fall.




"Without Warning"

A ripple in the water,
Moving with speed unimpeded.
Coming without a warning.
Neither shouted,
Nor heeded.

Yet, soon shall the water,
Draw back and reach high.
The destruction will be sudden,
When the waves,
Fall from the sky.




The skies will bleed,
And the heat will grow red,
The rain will roll with boil,
As has been, before, said.

The time is upon us,
And the prophecy is true,
The time soon will be finished,
For we have, the earth, run through.




You bite at my ankles.
You flail your arms madly.
You calm down quite suddenly.
And ever so sadly,

You reach for my arm;
Beg forgiveness with dread.
I, again, grant this.
And again, you are my friend.




The thirst for revenge
Is ever so hard to quench.
The hunger for hatred
Is near impossible to satisfy.
Because, in their denials
Of guilt, lies the fuel for the flames
That burn inside our heart;
That burn inside our souls.
These fires have one way to be extinguished.
One way, and one way alone.
Fight fire with fire,
Soon as the seed is sown.




The depths of her eyes,
The intoxicating quality of her smile.
Oh, yes, she's worth it.
She's been all this while.

She's not always perfect,
Though, so it may not seem.
She's a little rough around the edges,
But hell, isn't every dream?

She cares quite deeply,
Though, show it, she may not do.
She hurts like any other.
Spot her a mistake or two.




Why is it, that whenever,
In the great whiles of my life,
that something, perchance,
shall go right,
that something, madly,
shall be there to
counter it.