August 12, 2002
Monday 7:23 AM
Yes that’s right….78 years ago on this date, I entered this physical world. For those of you scoring at home, there will be no town-stopping hoopla or grand gala gathering this afternoon, just a peaceful nine holes with my brother and father followed by some very serious birthday sex with my lovely wife.
And writing of my wife, I just took a little break from feverishly sifting through research for a paper due on the transitional processes a man goes through when diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, to lie down beside her while she is still sleeping. It is roughly just after 6:00 AM here in the Midwest, so the soft pre-sunrise light cast hues of blue over her dead to the world body. Time has been good to my lovely wife. And while she certainly isn’t the young hazel eyed lass that I knew long ago, she is now more beautiful than in her youth. Lying there breathing in rhythm with her, I almost got nervous. She is now a sophisticated, intelligent, WOMAN, with womanly needs & wants. Shit, I’m still basically a boy, or in today’s terms, a "man-child", how the hell can I possibly give her what she wants & needs? God, help us poor fuckers that often bite off more than they can chew!
And writing of chew, or chewing, chew on this; I swear to God I just bought a Dodge Mini-van last week. A mini-van! So the three of us, my lovely wife, little Aristotle, and I can now tool around sunny Mansburg and its surrounding hamlets in style, comfort, and above all, safety.
I just have to snicker to myself about myself. Don’t get me wrong; I’m having more fun than I ever thought was possible—and for me that’s typing quite a bit—but when I step back and look at the big picture, I still find it difficult to process. Who would have ever thought eh? In fact, I just told my lovely wife the other day that I had pretty much accepted the fact that I would and could be happy just reading, drinking, and writing my way through life, comfortable in the fact that it would be just me and perhaps a domesticated pet or some such.
Lesson here? Remember kids, keep your powder dry, your mind open, and don’t be afraid to embrace things you never thought would interest you. It just might change your life. Luckily, for me it was the best thing I’ve done so far.
In keeping with the dogmatic journalistic integrity of this gig, below is one of the numerous editions that never made it to the gig for some unexplained reason or another.
"The way out is the way in,"
Buck
July 14, 2002
Sunday 11:39 PM
Updates & Explanations
Don’t be fooled—several times during the past few months I’ve toyed with the idea of updating this gig. Unfortunately, getting away from writing on a daily basis has its drawbacks. No longer the quick witted lad I once was—but that’ll come back in time I hope—I’ve been reduced to a stuttering & stammering sot!
Seriously, between spending time with my lovely wife, watching little Aristotle grow into a little man, tending to the garden, housework, sleep, school, work, and my foray into show business I don’t have any time to engage in adult libations.
(Oh, just in case I didn’t mention it before, my show business reference is something I’m not especially proud of, but here goes…I’m a Billy Ocean one-man-tribute-band and my stage name is William Sea. Perhaps I still got it. Ho, ho!)
And writing of show business, did everyone know that our great & good buddy and fellow high pointer Trach is the new host of Blue’s Clues? Bible truth on that one folks. I nearly shit my pants. I’ve never seen Trach with out his trademark week-old goatee so I almost didn’t recognize him when little Aristotle turned on the tele a couple months ago. But there was Trach, as "Joe" singing "We just got a letter…we just got a letter…wonder who it’s from?" Bravo Trach! Bravo! And dude, I love those shirts.
Getting acclimated to married life has its challenges, both foreseen and unforeseen. My lovely wife isn’t so crazy about my desire to become totally vegetarian, so she doesn’t get as excited I do about a giant bowl of red beans and rice for dinner. However, I secretly enjoy her bras & panties drying in the bathroom. There is and always has been something about her that makes me a slave to her physically.