Okay, I understand that this is totally
tasteless, however, I just
could not resist!
Turn your midi player up loud it just makes it better!!!
Does this qualify as supporting the president?
"Members of Congress, people of America, I banged her. I
banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks,
because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute
player in my orchestra, you haven't been paying attention.
The only babes in D.C. I haven't tried to do are the First
Lady, Reno, Albright, and Shalala, mostly because they're a
little older than I like and they have legs that former
Houston Oiler Earl Campell would envy. Which isn't to say I
don't appreciate Hillary, I do. If not for the ice-water
coursing through her veins, I'd be pumping gas into farm
equipment in Hope, Arkansas, and she'd still be married to
the President.
So, let me set the record straight. I dodged the draft, hid
FBI files, smoked dope, flipped Whitewater property, set up
a new Korean wing in the White House, fired the travel
staff, paid hush money to Hubbell, sold the Lincoln bedroom
like an upscale Motel 6, and grabbed every ass that entered
the Oval Office. Got it? Good.
Six years ago, there's not a man, woman, or child who didn't
know I was as horny as Woody Allen. But, you elected me
anyway, which turned out to be a good move on your part.
Your other choice was Bush, an aging baseball player and
part-time resident of some place called "Kennebunkport" who
thought he could shoot his way into the White House. Before
him, it was Reagan, who left the office with the same
Alzheimer's he came in with. There was Carter before him who
brought you a 17% prime interest rate, smiling the whole
time like his lithium drip had just kicked in. Nixon before
that, coined, but never really understood, the concept of
'plausible deniability', and almost got a one-way ticket to
San Quinton for his crackerjack style of governing. Johnson
was an inbred, power-mad war criminal whose major
contribution to American society was Agent Orange. And John
Kennedy, who was a little naughty himself, didn't hang
around long enough for America to spot that curious
atavistic tic for "beaver-wrestling" shared by at least a
dozen former residents of the White House.
Which brings me back to my point. Since I have been
strumming the banjo here at the White House, government is
doing more for less. The budget is balanced for the first
time since JFK did a one gun salute to Marilyn, a fact the
press didn't seem to care about, evidently.
Unemployment is so low today a blind felon can get a job as
a night-watchman. And the stock market is higher than a
D-student on a full gram of dumb-dust, and anyone with a
degree from a junior college who can spell 'internet' has
enough money to ponder the annual maintenance cost of his
boat, instead of where his or her next meal is coming from.Bottom line: I'm running a country here and I'm doing it
with my pecker showing. What I'm asking for is your
support, not a date with your daughter unless, of course,
she's a hotty with thin ankles, and then I'd like to discuss
it. In the meantime, think about where you are today and
what kind of life you're living before you get too
interested in where I'm parking the Presidential limousine."
Billy Bob C.
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