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The era is Ancient Greece during the start of the Roman Empire. Amazon warriors travel in secret tribes, not always getting alone with each other. The world is a deadly, changing place afflicted by the superior technology of gods. Damsel in the Rough is Tasha Malone Fidelli, a resourceful co-ed and unwitting time-traveler from Brooklyn, New York. Excellent Sci-fi, active, packed with valid survival techniques, unique questions about prehistory events, and mostly adventure with rampant humor mixed in the lore of mythological fancy. SAMPLE TEXT: This is Chapter 4 split into small pages, no frames, and much kinder to WEBTV browsers. _____

JOKES and QUOTES

Humorous Quotes

I'm not offended by all the dumb blond jokes because I know I'm not dumb . . . and I also know that I'm not blond.
- Dolly Parton

I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park.
- Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
- Erica Jong

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job.
- Roseanne

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
- Roseanne

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
- Rita Rudner

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours.
- Rita Rudner

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner

Cassette tape: Naked Beneath My Clothes/Audio Cassette by Rita Rudner

BORN TO BE MILD: VHSRita Rudner. The gentle, off-beat humor is a delight to all viewers Rita Rudner's comedic talent is clearly evident in this hilarios special. For all women who have ever wondered why men do the things that stump us all, a delightful insight delivered with the softness and timing that sets Miss Rudner apart

I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
- Susie Loucks

This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho man and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?"
- Judy Tenuta

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
- Erma Bombeck

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.
- Sue Grafton

I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
- Gilda Radner

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT?
- Wendy Liebman

I think -- therefore I'm single.
- Lizz Winstead

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.
-- Salvador Dali

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
-- William Clayton

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.
-- Mariah Carey

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
-- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
-- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued...
Reason: it has been reported to our office that yours expired on January 1,1976.
-- Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid

Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself.
-- Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator"

The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.
-- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted.
-- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
-- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island

The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
-- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!
-- Steve Bluestone

Have you ever noticed... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
-- George Carlin

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
-- Ellen DeGeneris

I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I >grew hair under my arms instead.
- Sue Kolinsky

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
-- Carol Leifer

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.
-- Jackie Gleason

I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..."
-- Mike Binder

Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
-- Stephen Leacock

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
-- Roger Simon

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
-- Pearl Williams

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
-- Dave Edison

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
-- George Gobel

Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
-- Billiam Coronel