Caseous.com ... Writings
The Writings section of Caseous.com is actually the original focus of the website. When it debuted in 1997, the website was originally contained nothing more than an archive of humor columns written by Barry Hess and Nate Melcher for their high school newspaper, The Smoke Signal - and an incomplete archive at that. But now it's all good! Check out the now complete archive, plus plenty other writings!
  • HUMOR COLUMNS

  • FINALS STORIES

  • OPINION PIECES

  • All Writings are original and protected under law; contact us for rates. For specific information regarding copyright law, click here.

    HUMOR COLUMNS:
    In the fall of 1996, Barry Hess and Nate Melcher began writing a monthly humor column for their high school newspaper, The Smoke Signal. After Hess' graduation, Melcher continued to write the column for an additional two years until his own graduation in 1998. Oftentimes, the column was plagued with notions being too "high brow" or obscure - leaving many to wince and say, as politely as possible, "I don't get it."

    Hess and Melcher prided themselves on never using inside jokes - sure, you may need to know an obscure movie or literary reference to get a joke. But the humor was very traditional. Both Hess and Melcher were heavily influenced by the dry British humor like Monty Python and The Black Adder, as well as the fluidity of known humor columns by Dave Barry and Michael Moore.

    "My sophomoric contributions give me great pride," said Hess. "Read with our immaturity in mind. Learn to love [our] slightly original quirkiness!"

    "We were very lucky to have the opportunity to create that we did," said Melcher. "We'll never have that kind of chance again."

    22 columns appeared in all. Some longer, some shorter. Some good, some not so good. But all a product of a very unique, creative moment.

    Season I Sept. 1995 - May 1996.
    Written by Nate Melcher and Barry Hess
  • Political Correctness
  • Colds, Kleenex, and Godzilla
  • The End of the World
  • Dealing With Change
  • PBS
  • The Evil Quiz
  • {[()]}
    Season II Sept. 1996 - May 1997
    Written by Nate Melcher
  • Things That Annoy
  • Life Questions
  • Being Safe
  • Cartoon Fantasy and Reality
  • Product Mascots' Origins
  • New Official Slang Languages
  • Music Talk
    Season III Sept. 1997 - May 1998
    Written by Nate Melcher
  • The Misuse of Office Supplies
  • Red Cars
  • Commercialistmas
  • New Year's Resolutions/Super Bowl
  • Whatever Happened To...?
  • Saving Your Life
  • Pencils
  • Commercials We've Always Wanted To See
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  • FINALS ISSUE STORIES:Archive
    At the end of each semester, The Minnesota Daily publishes a special "Finals Issue" to cover Finals Week. It has been a longstanding tradition for these special editions to not contain any actual news. Instead, they are full of satire, parody and just plain ol' fake news.

    In the past three years, some "Finals Issue" stories have been written by Nate Melcher under his pen name, Justin Jürpantz. Additionally, you can find cartoons by Justin Jürpantz that have appeared in the "Finals Issues" in the Artwork section of the website.

    The latest "Finals Issue" takes a look at the ridiculous fluff journalists considered to be newsworthy before the Events of September 11. Nate wrote two stories, one of which was published. Coming soon are both stories, unabridged, exclusively at this website.

  • Apocalypse will be short one horseman
    Originally printed Friday, December 17, 1999.
  • Experts astonished as cow reveals speaking ability!
    Originally printed Friday, May 8, 2000.
  • Gore chooses fellow muppet as runningmate!
    Originally printed Friday, May 8, 2000.
  • Day in the life of 'N Sync gives insight into grooming habits
    Originally printed Friday, December 20, 2000.
  • Popular bench signs record contract
    Originally printed Friday, December 20, 2000.
  • General College auctioned off on eBay.com by U Inc. CEO
    Originally printed Monday, May 7, 2001.
  • U Inc. sidewalks, desks with office supplies
    Originally printed Monday, May 7, 2001.
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  • OPINIONS PIECES:
    Although not an official staff opinions writer, Nate Melcher has written a handful of opinions pieces for The Minnesota Daily. Says Melcher: "After reading over a hundred opinions pieces [for illustrating them], I decided to give it a try myself." They are on a wide range of topics, from the practical (cleaning up cigarette butts) to the surreal (a lonely guy waiting by a silent telephone) to the satirical (comparing the 2000 presidential election to Survivor).
    COMING SOON

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