Alexander Goldenshield

THE PERSONAL JOURNAL OF ALEXANDER QUINTIN GOLDENSHIELD

Well, this is my first journal entry. Lord Hawksbridge is making all of the initiates keep a personal journal, a silly idea if you ask me, but what old Elton wants, he gets. There is little to report , I arrived with three of my friends, Kurt Fyremane, Aaron Wyldfyre, and Gervase LaCoursiere. I cannot believe I am finally going to become a knight, and at only 13!! That is younger than even my father...... The world is mine to change

It has been a few weeks, training is nearly over, Lord Hawksbridge is acting stranger by the day, he has never liked me, I have always known this, and today he had me whipped for defiance , but I must keep my suspicions to myself, no one can know that such a respected man might be evil

Training is finally over, now I can claim the title of Sir Goldenshield, what a great thrill! I decided to take Fyremane, Wyldfyre, and LaCoursiere to the bazaar to celebrate, we saw the daughters of a Turkish Sultan dance. They were quite lovely I admit, although the janizary seemed far more interesting to me. I think Gervase is rather hung up on the older sister, which bothers me, he is too young to give away his heart.

I received my assignment today, I am to be a wandering knight, Wyldfyre shall travel with me. Fyremane is staying home, I have noticed that he is rather fond of my sister, perhaps when I return they will be married. As for myself I am off to make the world a better place

I met a very interesting woman today, Lady Diahann of Mathis, she is quite lovely, and a queen! Wyldfyre and I saved her from brigands, and afterward she entertained us for hours, I know I am only sixteen, but I think I may be in love

How my heart is torn, Wyldfyre loves Diahann as well, and she seems more interested in him than me, Wyldfyre is like a brother, even though it pains me, I shall not interfere

I have heard the most disturbing news this day, Diahann came to me, her dress torn, her face covered in bruises, Wyldfyre attacked her and raped her, nearly beating her to death, the villain!! She has always loved me, she told me so, but Wyldfyre threatened to kill me if she did not give in, and when she refused, he violated her. I cannot believe he would act that way, my path is clear, he must be killed

I challenged Wyldfyre to a duel today, he was a powerful foe, but I was stronger, he begged me for mercy and gave me his oath he was innocent. I cannot believe he would be so vile as to smear an innocent woman's name like that, I killed him while he lay on the ground, begging for mercy

Great Tyr what have I done? I went to speak with Lady Diahann today, she was in her private quarters, naked and desiring relations, when I refused, the viper revealed the truth to me. Wyldfyre was innocent, she lied to me, because he too, refused her advances. I slaughtered my best friend, my brother, all for a woman who was nothing but a liar. I do not know what to do

Diahann is nothing but spiteful, her soldiers harass me at every turn, I have no choice but to return to Crusadia, I can only hope my home will welcome me back, perhaps I should leave the knight hood, for I am no more than a murderer now

I cannot believe what I have come home to!! Hawksbridge has gone mad with power, he lead a revolt against the church, an act worthy of praise, for the church had become corrupt and wicked, and had launched a series of Crusades, truly an act of evil. But Hawksbridge has overstepped, he killed the king in his bed and proclaimed himself emperor. Fyremane opposed him, and as punishment, his wife and sons, my sister and nephews, were executed. Fyremane has disappeared, I hear rumors he has taken up with some woman named Jade, but I cannot know if this is true. It does not matter, Hawksbridge must be stopped, and I must be the one to do it

Hawksbrige has summoned a demon, Belasco Uth'Kannan and a lich, Danstrynaan to do his bidding. He must be stopped, there are only a handful of knights who remain uncorrupted, and they have chosen me leader. Why?? I am no leader, I do not even wish to be a knight after my disgrace, but I have no choice, someone must stop Hawksbridge

A man appeared to me today, Chance Holiday, he is a ShadowStalker, an assassin most vile, and yet he offers his services. I find him abhorrent, and yet, most of the loyal knights are dead, the war goes horribly, I have no real choice in the matter

After three long years, the war in Crusadia is finally over, praise Tyr. Hawksbridge has fled, Belasco has been banished, but the lich escaped, I do not know where he is or what he plans. Chance remains, I am unsure of him, and yet I feel an undeniable bond with him, I do not know what is to be done

I am so weak, these words I write from my deathbed I fear, Holiday turned on me, stole a part of my soul, but I drove him off, I can only pray I survive the night

It has been many months since Chance attacked me, and in truth, I have almost forgotten it, the people have made King, I do not want the title, but I have little choice in the matter, I cannot believe it, I am a King, and at 20, ‘tis an amazing thing, Crusadia is weak, and the Knights of Tyr all but vanished, and yet, I know we will rebuild, and recover

Four years have passed since last I looked upon this journal, in truth I may never have picked it up again, and yet today in my wanderings, I came upon a most magnificent place, Glenshadow's Tavern, there are people there from all races and nations, truly this is the chance to expand my horizons that I have always dreamed of

There are so many friends I have made, that were I to try and name them all, I would never do anything else with my life, truly this tavern is magnificent

I met the most interesting woman in the tavern today, a Scot lady, the Mistress of the Hawks, we talked only a few hours and yet I cannot help but feel something for her, could it be love?, I do not know

I have received an invitation to dine with the Lady McDonnagh, HawkMistress, and I have accepted, in truth, my heart has stopped in anticipation, I have never felt this way before about anything or anyone

The dinner was lovely, and afterwards, we danced and shared one kiss, I know now that I have found love

Curse my luck, Diahann has returned, and she brings Hawksbridge with her, she is spreading the same lies in the tavern about me that she did about Wyldefyre, I fear the lust for my blood has seized the tavern, Diahann I can defeat, but Hawksbridge brings with him the demon Belasco, I have no choice, I must summon Chance.

My name is finally cleared, and the situation resolved. Diahann is no more, killed by Hawk, it pains me to see a woman so gentle forced to do that, and yet I cannot deny that I am relieved, or that the Hawk's love is so strong

The Hawk and I are to be married, I cannot believe it, finally I have found a queen and someone who loves me as much as I love her, and there is additional news, she carries my son, soon I will have an heir, truly I am content, even the knowledge that Chance runs amok does not disturb me

Once again, I find myself in the throes of despair, Chance has gone mad with power, and is nearly a god, he must be stopped, but the news is much worse. Hawk is gone, lost to me, kidnaped by the Lord Shaper, I do not know how to rescue her, I fear she is lost to me, my heart is empty once again, why do the fates torture me so?

The news grows worse, one of my trusted advisors, Makkari has overthrown me, stolen my throne, I fear I cannot go on, there is but one ray of hope, Coryn Hawksbridge, the son of my greatest enemy, Elton, is becoming a knight, his heart is innocent and pure, all my hopes lie with him

So much for hopes, they are dashed once more. For the demon Belasco has possessed Coryn, my path is clear, I must defeat Belasco, or die trying

This shall be the last entry in this the personal journal of Lord Goldenshield, and know that it is penned not by him, but by Kurt Fyremane, Alexander died this day, killed by the demon Belasco, truly the world is a darker place without him, you will be missed my friend

I am tempted almost to laugh, for I am not dead, you see, Coryn did not destroy me as completely as he thought, a part of my soul remained with Chance, who the Belasco possessed Coryn had injured, it was simple to take over Chance's body and use it to create a new body for my soul. The demon was rather amazed to see me return, I defeated him easily, but alas, poor Coryn was not so lucky, his body was too ravaged by the demon, he died in the arms of his love, I wish there were another way, I truly do, but now at least the realms remain safe, my duty is done, and yet my soul remains empty, without love I see little point in going on

Again much time has passed since I have written in this journal and yet today I feel the need to write, for a very interesting thing has happened to me. Tonight in the tavern, I asked the vampiress Lillianne to dance, I am not sure why, it was a celebration of the end of a giant hunt a barbarian and I had, and I felt the need to dance. I do not know why I choose Lillianne, there is something captivating about her, something that stirs my soul, when we danced tonight, it was if the burden of all these years and all the heartache left me, it has been too long since I have felt contentment, and yet I find it the arms of this lovely vampire

I report horrid news yet again, I have been framed for murder, the elven court accuses me and hold me in custody, all I can do now is sit and write in my journal, and yet no words come, only images of a lovely vampiress, why I find comfort in thinking about her I do not know

Tyr!! Chance is reformed and is marrying StarDawn, would that I were not imprisoned, for I should like to witness this, my jailers are cruel they allow me go to the tavern to break my will, I often wonder why I continue this, and yet I am not ready to give up yet

I did attend the wedding of Chance and StarDawn, but more importantly, something significant happened in my life. It was Lillianne who made it possible for me to attend and she stayed next to me, and gave me strength, for truly I would have given up if not for her. But, most importantly, we kissed, long and passionately, I know now why I could not get her out of my thoughts, I love this vampiress, how cruel fate is, to give me love while denying my freedom

The trial was today, and I would have likely died, were it not for Lillianne, for she captured the imposter who committed these atrocities in my name, she has saved my life, and now I must tell her how I feel

My life begins anew! I have told Lillianne how I feel, and to my delight she too, loves me, I cannot believe my luck. I have also quit the knighthood, a young knight named Kalten Urik has taken my position, and he can have it, for though my heart shall always be with Tyr, my duty as knight has ended, I am a Lancer now, a wandering guardian, far more free to make the realms a place of justice, and I have Lillianne by my side, my life has turned around

Emotions are an odd thing, for they seldom come clearly defined. Case in point, HawkMistress returned this day, and truly I was happy, and yet I did feel pain, for I had to tell her that I no longer loved her, that my heart lay with Lillianne, it was painful, and yet it could not be helped, though I have made quite an enemy out of Syrabi, the Turkish queen who I saw dance so long ago, and who has always been forthcoming of her opinions of me, if only people understood how I felt, but alas, it is not the case

This shall be the last entry for a while, for I hope the next entry will be good news. I am King once again, and devoted utterly to Lillianne, as she is to me. I mentioned briefly the possibility of her marrying me, of becoming my queen, and though she did not answer yes, nor did she say no, a good start to my thinking. Soon I shall host a winter ball, perhaps that shall be the night she agrees to be my queen, I do not know, but one can only hope, I look forward to that time and yet I dread it as well, but my mind is set, the path clear, I need only wait now to see the outcome

Ah! my journal, I had thought you lost, much has happened since last I placed quill in ink and then ink upon paper, I simply shall have to get back into the habit of keeping regualr entries, but looking upon my last entry, I can see now why I had not written in so long. I am happy to report that the Lady Lillianne has indeed accepted my marriage proposal, at long last, I shall have a queen, and happiness.

A holiday today, a great anniversary, "Drake Day" as a friend calls it, the day of my father's disgrace, the drunken failure he was, there is but one way to celebrate, the way he would have, with wine..... farewell journal, soon my hand will be too unsteady from drink to write anything, and my mind too incoherent to form the words I would write.

Tyr, what a binge! With each day I feel control slipping further and further away, thank Tyr for blessing me with such friends, to "kick me in the arse" the gods know I cannot do it for myslef, and it nearly cost me my love, the dastardly Malagant and the witch Morganna conspiring to ruin my name, or the part of my name I have yet to ruin for myself, I cannot allow this to happen ever again

Another long absence from the journal, it seems events in my life happen to rapidly, were I to try and chronicle them all, I would never leave my desk, and I fear this entry is placed in here to keep an accurate record, for I write even as the gates of my castle are stormed, Grandmaster Alsius has returned, and along with him, the Church of Crusadia, and their xenophobic ways, and I am no longer desired, Kalten Urik, who I had placed all my hopes into has betrayed me, he is even more a sycophant than Fyremane warned me he would be, I will kill him for this, rest assured

Crusadia is free! Urik and Alsius are dead, by my blades, nay the swprds of Valor Goldenshield, first knight of Tyr, finally, I have realized my place. Not as King, but as Knight, I am once again the last knight of Tyr, where I should be, there is a new king, the newborn, Trystan Hawksbridge, I will remain as regent until he is capable of holding the throne, but that chapter of my life has ended, now, once again, possibilities aboumd, I leave it in the hands of Tyr to show me where I am to go next.

Long has it been since I have written in my journal, and much has changed... I could have chronicled it day by day, I could have recounted how the Cabal finally came to clame me, how they turned me into a mindless assassin and how it cost me the paladinhood, I could tell the tale of how I came to leave the Lady Lillianne and fall in love with Deverry Sauscon, and how we were to be married, I could chronicle all that and more, but I chose not to, I cannot live my life from one day to the next any longer, my mortality has been driven home all to often as of late, and it would be foolish to ignore this. Aye, I have changed, Tyr and I have parted ways, no longer am I his servant, I have a new god, Lathander, the Dawnlord, and I am his priest... yes Alexander Goldenshield, clergyman, who would have thought it? Certainly not I.. but I would not have thought many things, I could not imagine falling in love with Deverry, or my joy at our betrothal, though the point is a moot one, for she has left me, and I do nnot think she and I will ever meet again. I could write of the betrayal of Kurt Fyremane, how he revealed himself as the leader of the Cabal, and how he turned his back on all that he was and usurped the throne, proclaiming himself emperor of Crusadia, but it matters not, though still alive, he is defeated... the throne once again mine, 'tis time for me to stop being the fool, I cannot deny my need for the throne, no more than Crusadia can deny her need for me at the helm, and so, the land which birthed me and I have reconciled, made our peace at long last. Often I find my thoughts wandering... I desire an heir, and a persian seer has said I shall have my heir, a daughter, the Lioness of Crusadia, as I am the Lion of the same land. But in truth, my mind considers other things as well... thsi hollowness inside me, this undefined longing... 'tis loneliness, but not some trite emotion, but a profound sense of isolation from all else in the world, I am an outsider, destined to never be a part of anything, and so I sit, and wallow in my melancholy... for in the end, all I have that I can call my own is this loneliness.

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