(TO THE TUNE OF "THE BRADY BUNCH")
Here's
the story of a guy named Darren
Who always tried so hard to please his fans
All
the time he was on TV, he was half-naked 
Made
all the women scream "Hot Damn!"
Here's
the story of a cop named Jim 
Who was busy with a partner of his own
Jim
and Blair were always very slashy 
Still
Jim was all alone
Till the one day when this forward met that cop
And they started to check out each other's ass
They
knew they must somehow form a pairing 
That's the way this fic became "Backstage Pass"
Backstage Pass
Backstage Pass
That's
the way this fic became Backstage Pass!
Fic: Backstage Pass
Author: Chris F.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine
Notes: Happy Birthday Camille! May the next year bring you
many more shirtless men
Jim Ellison was watching the Detroit Red Wings play against the Cascade Jaguars (yes, he was aware that the Jags were the basketball team too, but the show's writers weren't creative enough of more that one team name). He didn't really want to be there- in fact he could think of about a million things he'd rather be doing- but Simon had asked for the company and who was he to say no? Not after everything Simon had done for him in keeping his abilities a secret, offering Jim support, and putting up with more crap than most would have thought humanly possible.
Jim was very very bored until the Jags' newly-acquired enforcer, Marek Malik, cross-checked a Red Wing in the back and a fight broke out. Fights were interesting under any circumstances, but this fight was especially interesting because both players lost their jerseys. Most of the people in the arena were watching Malik, as he was one of the most popular players in the NHL, but Jim's attention was elsewhere. He was watching the exposed skin, muscles, and tattoos of the Detroit player. Jim was transfixed.
He spent the rest of the game watching this player, who he eventually learned was named Darren McCarty. Simon noticed his gaze and said nothing, only shook his head and continued to watch the game.
Once the game was over (a 2-1 Jags win in OT, gamewinner by Malik. He was having a very good night), Jim turned to Simon and smiled. "Hey Captain?"
Simon rolled his eyes. "What, Jim?"
Jim smiled almost sweetly. "Say an officer under your command were to use his police credentials to get into the locker room of a sporting event. What would you do?"
Simon glared. "He'd be out on his ass so fast his head would still be spinning."
Jim looked remarkably unaffected. "And if you didn't know about it?"
Simon saw he had lost. "Just go away, Jim." After all, Jim had broken every other bit of police code. He might as well go for the whole thing.
Jim did just that.
It was easy to use his badge to get past the security guards. Once that had been done, he stood lurking in the shadows outside the visitor's locker room until his prey emerged from the door. He stepped out into the light. "Mr. McCarty? I'm Detective Ellison of the Cascade PD. Can I get you to come with me for a second?"
Darren shrugged. "Sure, I can do that." They ducked into a small, somewhat dark room. "So, Detective, what's up?"
Jim thought about a number of ways to answer that, but decided to be as unobscene as possible. "Well, I have a bit of a problem here."
Darren raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"
"Yeah." Jim leaned closer to Darren to whisper something in his ear.
When he was done, Darren leaned backwards, nodding. "A birthday you say?" Jim nodded. "And...you and me?" Jim nodded, a bit more hesitantly. Suddenly, Darren grinned. "Hey, I got no problem with that."
Jim smiled back. "I was hoping you'd say that."
One thing could be said for sure- no one on either team had ever heard
THOSE kinds of sounds coming out of the broom closet before.