Twisted Titles--Babylon 5
Okay, the concept here is that I've taken the names of Babylon 5 episodes and altered them *ever* so slightly to produce something new--along with a plot synopsis to match the new title. HOWEVER, no more of these will be added, as I've learned of another website that utilizes the same idea--and since I don't want to step on anyone's toes, I'm retiring my version of the concept...
Pilot Episode: "The Lathering"--Lyta Alexander arrives on the station and...no, no, I'm afraid this one is
x-rated...
First Season:
"Midnight On The Hiring Line"--Claudia Christian leaves the show, and we follow her in her quest for new
employment.
"Sole Hunter"--A mysterious alien arrives on the station, seeking the footwear of the galaxy's
greats.
"Legocies"--In which we meet another race of First Ones, whose entire culture is structured
around the sacred Legos.
"Babylon Squares"--A B5 version of "Revenge of the Nerds", as all the less-popular folk you
never see on the station rebel against the pretty ones who hog all the screen time.
"Chrysalisp"--Delenn wraps herself in a cocoon, but when she emerges she discovers that
she's somehow gained a severe speech impediment. But when Lennier reveals that he snorts when he
laughs, she feels much better about herself.
Second Season:
"Pints of Departure"--Before Sheridan's army heads off to battle the Shadows, the soldiers
all drink a last pint of ale--and get so smashed that they decide to blow off the whole Shadow War, and
instead fly around the galaxy stealing traffic cones.
"The Coming-Out of Shadows"--On Z'ha'dum, Morden stumbles upon one of the Shadows
having intimate relations with a goat, and the whole sordid tale comes to light.
"GROPERS"--Thousands of randy soldiers arrive on the station, and no one's butt is safe...
"And Now For a Ward"--Ward Cleaver arrives on the station and takes command. Soon,
Ivanova is tending to her duties in high heels and pearls.
"Hums the Inquisitor"--The musical episode of B5, as Jack the Ripper arrives on the station
and leads the crew in jolly song-and-dance numbers.
Third Season:
"Sassing Through Gethsemane"--A *sassy* new monk arrives on the station. Though he noses
around in everyone's business, everyone loves him, because he's just so...so...sassy!
"A Late Delivery From Frankie Avalon"--In which a package, lost in the mail for hundreds of
years, arrives for Kosh. In flashbacks, we discover that Kosh lived on Earth in the 1960's, and was quite a
swingin' surfer...
"Ship of Ears"--Bester seeks Sheridan's help in retrieving a shipment of "weapons
components" heading for the Shadows. But instead of telepaths, they find nothing on the ship but frozen
corn. (hey, who said it had to make sense?)
"Warts Without End (Parts I and II)"--In this special two-part episode, Sinclair awakens on
Minbar and discovers that he's developed a hideous case of facial warts. He tampers with the very forces of
time itself in his efforts to find a cure, but they just...won't...come...off!
"Shadow Break-Dancing"--A glimpse into the #1 pastime on Z'ha'dum. (Because, you know, it
just *never* goes out of style...)
Fourth Season:
"Whatever Happened To Mrs. Garibaldi"--G'kar discovers that Garibaldi had a previously
unknown marriage--thus explaining Garibaldi's drinking problem and hair loss--and sets out to investigate.
He's surprised to discover that Garibaldi's ex is actually-- (hey, I'm not telling)
"Racing Marcia"--Marcia Brady arrives on the station and becomes instantly popular.
Ivanova, jealous of this popularity, challenges Marcia to a footrace around the station, just to prove
she's better at something than "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!"
"Between the Dorkness and the Light"--Ever wonder why we never see any clumsy or nerdy
Minbari? Meet the elite warriors who protect the Minbari bloodlines by "thinning the herd" of this dangerous
and embarrassing menace.
"Bendgame"--Sheridan and Clark decide to settle the Earth civil war with a good
old-fashioned game of Twister.
"The Deconstruction of Stalling Stars"--An in-depth study (told in flashbacks) of the whole
Claudia Christian/JMS imbroglio, told from the perspective of one million years in the future--where some
people are STILL arguing about it.
Fifth Season:
"A Spew From the Gallery"--On an elevated walkway, Franklin eats some bad fish, leans over
the rail...and really ruins Garibaldi's day. (Cameo appearance by Mack and Bo.)
"Day of the Deadheads"--The station is overrun by hippies, who've somehow gotten the notion
that Vir is Jerry Garcia reincarnated...
"In The Kingdom of the Blonde"--Byron has a bad hair day, and inflicts his rage upon the entire
station.
"The Ragged Hedge"--The trials and travails of two hard-working station gardners (Back and
Mo) as they try to keep the stars of the show off the grass and make that *perfect* shrub sculpture.
"Medications on the Abyss"--Shortly after the first shipment of "New Viagra" arrives at the
station, Centauri males are declared public hazards.
Final Episode: "Sleeping in Late"--Sheridan would get up and save the galaxy again, but, y'know, he just
needs a few more minutes.
The Rabid Bantha Bar and Grille
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