What is a nut?
A nut, also referred to as a nut case, is a person who does not act normal and is weird in the way they conduct themselves. Their unusual ideas and reactions annoy bolts and tend to make them uneasy.
"What is a bolt?" you may ask. A bolt is a person who defines the definition of normal and does not 'stick out' in a crowd or act overly peculiar. They tend to avoid or tease nuts, which doesn't bother them at all.
A wing nut is a person that does not fit in either category. Most stretch more towards the nut side, but don't appear to be either. They can also be bolts trying to be nuts or vice versa. This attempt does not usually work out.
A screw, by definition, is a bolt that sometimes can be a nut. They usually look normal but sometimes surprise you with the most outrageous and downright nuttiest ideas.
These are all parts of the Great Toolbox Of Life. Not found in the brain, it is belived you only carry one of these tools or one of the unmentioned ones in the corner of your mind as the all-purposed tool to fix everything. Sometimes it is necessary to have help from another person because using only one kind of tool doesn't always get the job done.



Understanding The Mind Of a Nut
To know how to understand a nut, you must know what is in most of their minds.
The biggest part is the 'Great Multimedia Center In Our Minds.' This is a room that contains: A television set, a VCR, a large sound system with CD player, a bookshelf, filing cabinets and boxes to put junk in. Some contain extra things like garbage cans or safety devices (such as fire extinguishers), alarm systems and for the really overprotective, guns.
The other rooms have whatever the owner wants in them, which is usually a kitchen, bedroom, and you can't forget the deep black hole, or the dark corner in which to stare where a friendly spider usually makes it home.
Most bolts never imagine a nut's mind could ever be so complicated, they all seem mindless. That is not true. Actually, their minds must be complicated to come up with all the ideas they come up with and something to say for every occasion.
The average nut's mind can be so complicated they almost constantly break down!!!



You know you're a nut when.....
1) When you bob, bounce, or skip as you walk.
2) When you change the words of songs to fit your taste.
3) When people say you're in la-la-land, and you fight back, saying you're in BOUNTY LAND!!!
4) When people ask you what you're on, and you either say what you're standing or sitting on, or you say something like "Lithium".
5) When you start collecting the weirdest things you can think of.
6) When you think you and your friend's birthdays should be recognized as a national holiday.
7) When you yell out weird sayings for no reason at unusual times.
8) When you are inspired and awed by shows like "The Weird Al Show"
9) When you think "The Guide to Understanding a Nut" is one of your favourite books.
10) When you see clowns and run to get your gun.
11) When you swear if you jump off a high enough building, you CAN fly, wings or no wings.
12) When you're not afraid of anything exept Gym, Rita McNeal, and Barney.
13) When you warn your friends that aliens going to take over the world fairly often.
14) When Coca-Cola is the main food group to you, and when deprived of it, doctors try to perscribe medication.
15) When you truly believe that the dog ate your homework, even if you don't have a dog.



Nut Stuff
The Nut's Anthem:
(Sung to the tune of "God Save the Queen)
Composed by: Shannon L. Billings

I have no sanity,
None that you'll ever see,
No sanity.

Be kind to all the nuts,
We are not jerks or sluts,
We just have nothing left,
Inside our minds.





The Sacred Nut
A small silver nut once found as a sign on the floor of the boy's gym, now the symbol of all nut kind. The first nut used as a symbol now now kept in a clear plastic ring box to preserve it. It is kept by the main nuts of H.H.S.S & J.D.H.E.S.

A Nutlace
A nutlace is a necklace with a nut on it that only members of the honourary nut club wear.

Presenters
People belonging to the nut patrol that award people a nutlace, making them honourary members.

Nut Patrol
A group of 2 or more presenters that look around, searching for nuts to award nutlaces to.

The above is Copyright 1998 Shannon L. Billings.



More Nutty Stuff
Kentucky Fried Chicken Poem Parody
I am the gaping hole,
Where craziness resides.
The song in my head,
Turns loony, and all strange.
Where's my mind gone?
Where's my mind gone?

In case you don't know the real version, here it is.
I am the gaping void,
Where lonliness resides.
The song in my heart,
Turns mournful, and off key.
Where have you gone?
Where have you gone?

You know You're WEIRD When.....
1) You have your own theme song.
2) You sing your own theme song.
3) Being called 'normal' drives you into a homicidal rage.
4) you burst into song for no reason.
5) You watch T.V or listen to the radio inside your head.
6) It's time to go home at the end of the day and you tap your heels together and say "There's no place like home! There's no place like home! There's no place like home!"
7) You memorize commercial after commercial, then repeat them over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.......
8) You truly believe that aliens have taken over your best friend's body.
9) You think that any mechanical device is going to eat someone.
10) You can relate to any or all of the items on this list.

Sanity: A Poem
Why is it that sanity is such a precious commodity?
I don't get it.
I mean a bolt can't hold things together without a nut.
Sanity and insanity go together hand in hand.
Like Peanut Butter and Jelly or McDonlad's and cardboard.
Which brings us to the fact that,
McDonald's is not heaven.

Now, all THIS stuff is Copyright 1998 Taryn Clarke, otherwise known as 'Lanna or Athenna. EXCEPT for the KFC poem, whic is copyright 1997 KFC.


Even More Weird Stuff!!!

This picture is just to show that, as nuts, we have decided to worship the almighty sacred frog. :)

A Conversation between two nuts.

Another Conversation between two nuts....as if the first one wasn't enough!!!





[The Crafty Trekker's Homepage!] [Tall Tales]