Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were getting a divorce. Mickey Mouse was on the
stand, giving his testimony, when Minnie's lawyer began to cross-examine him.
Minnie's lawyer began, "Mr. Mouse, when you filed for divorce, you claimed that
your wife was mentally unbalanced. Well, we have five psychiatrists ready to
testify that contrary to your claims, she is perfectly normal..."
"No! No! No!" screamed Mickey, "I didn't say she was crazy! I said she was
fuckin' Goofy!"
A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is
exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed
nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she
has intercourse.
"Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.
The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.
"I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home
with my husband."
One day a women arrives home from work and her husband
notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife,
"Where did you get that necklace?" She replies, "I won it
in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start
supper."
The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a
diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the
bracelet?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go
get my bath ready while I start supper."
The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from
work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that
in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you
guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she
notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She
yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water
in the tub!" He replies, "I didn't want you to get your
raffle ticket wet!"