The sky was blanketed in a sea of stars, and Special Agent Fox Mulder
couldn't take his eyes off of them. Away from people, the world was so
still and quiet. As he lay in the middle of a field, miles away from
civilization, his thoughts were turned inward.
In his minds eye, he saw Samantha being taken. Quickly, the scene would
shift to Scully laying in a hospital bed. Both events were linked
through him, and in his mind linked to the stars as well. He closed his
eyes, starry skies used to bring peaceful thoughts, but those peaceful
moments had changed the day he remembered Samantha's abduction. The
scant few peaceful moments he had found in the years since he was twelve
were lost after the regression hypnotherapy.
He didn't know why he had felt compelled to drive out to the middle of
nowhere to stare up at accusing skies. He just had. He wondered what
Scully was doing, if she was making the most of every Saturday night such
as this since her cancer's remission. You know she is he thought. He
realized that she was part of the reason he had come to such a field. He
still felt responsible for so much, and he felt the need to distance
himself from her. He believed that she would be allowed to enjoy her new
lease on life, if she wasn't always having to worry about him.
Forcing his eyes open to again look upon the stars twinkling overhead, he
sighed. Punishment he mind offered. Whenever he looked at Scully, he
saw some degree of understanding in her eyes. Guilt racked his soul, and
it was only right that he be punished for his crimes he thought.
On occasion he had found the depths of his self-loathing and despair to
be so great that he thought the only way was for him to do the world a
favor and end his own life. As a teenager, after fighting with his dad,
at Oxford after being dumped by Phoebe, while Scully was missing, after
facing Pusher. Thinking of ending it all wasn't a rare thought. He
shook his head when he realized just how many times he had seriously
wanted to pull the trigger and put a bullet through his brain.
But not anymore. He knew he couldn't speak for forever, but for the time
being, it was a more appropriate sentence to be forced to live. He knew
that Scully was strong, and that he was at the source of much of the
heartbreak in her life, but he also knew it would hurt her if he took
such an easy way out.
So he sat, still beneath a sea of stars. The quiet surrounding him was
broken by the ring of his cell phone. He reached for the phone, picking
it up and punching send.
"Mulder."
After a second of silence, he heard a familiar voice. "Mulder? You
okay?" Scully's voice sounded so small, yet so strong at the same time.
He smiled, a faint brief smile. "Yeah, I'm okay."
Scully sighed. "Okay, Mulder. I can't explain it, I just felt . . . I
just felt like I needed to call you. I guess I'll let you get back to
whatever you're doing."
"Wait, Scully. Don't hang up just yet, okay?" He sounded like a little
boy who was begging for a story before bed time. "Just talk to me, let
me hear your voice."
Sitting in her apartment, a strange look crossed Scully's face. "Okay,
Mulder," she was beginning to feel like a broken record. "Where are you,
anyway?"
They continued to talk until Mulder's cell phone battery was about to
die. The conversation never really touched any deep topic, mostly just
listening to the other's thoughts on one silly topic or another. Mulder
still felt a slight twinge of guilt at monopolizing Scully's night, but
he needed the connection to her. He couldn't explain it exactly, but he
truly needed to just hear her voice.
It was nearing dawn when the two partners finally said goodbye. As
Mulder looked overhead where he had once found waves of guilt and
despair, he now saw a sunrise that allowed him just a glimmer of hope.
In his life, he had found hope hard to find, and almost impossible to
cling to. However, in Scully he had found a new hope. She stood by him,
even after all the pain his being in her life had caused.
Standing up, and watching a new day begin, he knew there was only one
thing to explain the smile on his face. He had found in Scully the one
thing his life had always lacked, a friend with whom the connection
extended beyond what mere words could express.
In finding her, he had found part of himself. "I love you, Scully," he
whispered before walking slowly back to his car.
fin