Yes, we know triplets hasn't been written yet.  But, ya know?  This one is funnier, and HAD to be sent out!!

So, .....

Hello!!  I'd like to tell you now, I'm not on Earth.  I am on Voyager in the year 2376.  We've found/built a spatial anomaly to my computer in 1998/1999.  (not asking how Pauline did it, just taking it for granted.)  My brother has been kind enough to send our e-mails to all of you out.  Thank you, Donald!!!  (you're welcome)

Well people, After being kidnapped, and rescued, by the same group of people, the four of us decided to write it down so that you all know the real story.  We don't get STV here, we just live it!!!  But, of course, things are a little bit different than what we're used to.  B'Elanna is a little darker in complexion, Tom's hair is about a shade and a half lighter, and his eyes are bluer, if we thought that was possible.  But then, it all gets distorted on camera, and hurtling through space and time, I'm sure.  Our only question is, where are the Paramount Cameras????

Oh, I'd like to point out that Captain Janeway is, and I don't want to get her in trouble for this, she's often times a little less... severe than Paramount makes her out to be.

Legal B.S.:  You're probably thinking, 'this proves she's joking!', right?  WRONG!! I just wanted to say that no one is making money off the truth.  Paramount still owns the cameras that we still haven't found, Yet, and the actors they use so that none of the actual people are seen.  Hey, have any of you seen us on TV yet?

Now, on with the dramatic story. Yes, this piece is fiction. (oh, BTW.  We haven't figured out why yet, but some things are going back to 1998 earlier than others. You might see fanfic with us in it that's already out, as my brother says is happening.)

On the story, already!!!
-HJW
 

Tom is sitting on the couch, reading a holonovel on a PADD.  B'Elanna walks in, rubbing the small of her back

B: Tom?

P: Hmm?

B: In those triplet generations, were there ever a second set?

P: Not that I saw.

B: O.K.

He looks up quizzically, the question just getting through to his brain.

P: Why?

B: Because of these damn back pains.

P: 'Lanna, You don't really think...

B: Well...

P: B'Elanna, I really don't think we should jump to conclusions until you talk to the Doc about this

B: Thomas Eugene Paris if you know, you had damn well better tell me.

P: Well like I said none that I saw.

B: Tom if there were you would tell me, wouldn't you?

In sickbay the next morning

D: B'Elanna you certainly are caring the Paris tradition pretty far aren't you?

B: Doctor stop with the humor and give me your diagnosis.

D: Well, B'Elanna you're having sextuplets.

B: (grimly) Wait until I get a hold of Thomas.

D: (Quizzically) Who?

B: Thomas Eugene Paris the Last!

D: I see

later at the dinner table in the Paris Quarters:

B: Girls you're going to have a brother or sister or maybe 6!

P: 'Lanna!!

B: Tom.

P: I didn't know, I swear.

B: I wasn't accusing you of anything Helmboy.

Girls: Oooh!!! only Uncle Harry gets away with that!!

P: 'B'Elanna. We'll finish this discussion later.

B: Girls go find Naomi but don't mess with anything Momma will have to
fix.

The girls just nod, giggle, and run out.

P: O.K. We'll have it now

B: Well I talked to the Doc as you know and he said I was 3 months pregnant with sextuplets...

P: And you think I knew this was going to happen

B: Yes, because all I asked about was triplets.

P: Hey, I figured when I found it that your Klingon genes might kick in like and stop it.

B: Tom you really can't think I believe that crock of shit, can you?

P: Well...

B: Tom we're going to have to ask Janeway for permission to knock down a wall, at least some of one.

P: Why?

B: Tom. You really have to ask me that?

Later in the Quarters of Chakotay and Janeway

P: Captains, B'Elanna and I are going to have to "knock out a wall" Terran style.

J: Really? Why?

B: Kathryn, I'm having sextuplets!!

J: Oh, B'Elanna I can't believe it.

B: Why?

J: You and I pregnant at the same time!

At this time they start jumping around and hugging like school girls

P to Ch: Sextuplets!! Can you believe it?

Ch: Yes Tom, I can.

P&Ch: When is she due?

Ch: (laughing) June 4.

P: By Kahless! So's 'Lanna!

Ch: Oh Gods, that is the birthday of the first elected female President of  the United States, Pauline Wilde.

P: Who?

Ch: Back in the 21st Century people had female Representatives and Senators in Congress but no female had ever been elected President of  the U.S. which, at the time, was said to be the most powerful office in the world.

P: Oh that will make the captain and 'Lanna happy

Ch: Wait a minute... But we have Pauline here. Oh, shit, I love screwing up the timeline. Hey! Maybe we should talk to Harry and see if he and Annika are as lucky as us.

P: Yeah I'll talk to Harry right away

Tom sees Harry in the mess hall, and sits down across from him.

P: So, What about you?

H: What about me?

P: Well, B'Elanna's having sextuplets,

H: Good going, Paris.  And we thought she was bad with triplets.  Now we all have to deal with her carrying SIX of them!

P: That's not all.  She's due on June 4th.

H: And?

P: So's Captain Janeway.

H: For real?

P: Yup.  And you, my friend, are finding out if three best friends really DO go through everything together.

H: Huh?

P: Are you that dense?

H: No.

P: All right, flat out, is Annika pregnant?

H: I don't know.

P: Find out.

H: Well, o-kay.  But-

P: No buts.

Taps his comm badge

P: Tom to Annika.

7: What, Tom?

P: Harry just told me to have you meet him in sickbay.

7: Why?  What's wrong?

P: Possibly nothing.  But, still, you might want to go.

7: O-kay.  I'll go.  10 minutes o-kay?

P: Sure.  Tom out.  Now, Harry, I have a shift on the bridge, flying straight, and annoying our favourite Vulcan

Harry chuckles, and both walk out.

In Sickbay

D: Well, Mr. Kim.  Apparently, Mr. Paris' thought is very true.  You can tell her.

H: Oh, GOD!

7: Harry?  Explain.

H: Ummm... Annika?

7: What?

H: You, B'Elanna, and Captain Janeway all have the same due date.

7: All right.  Just to clarify.  I'm pregnant?  (Harry nods.)  And this is  because you three think it's funny to have the three of us out at the same  time.

H: Well, Annika, I mean it's not like-

7: Forget it.  Computer, locate B'Elanna Paris and Captain Janeway.

C: Lt. B'Elanna Paris and Captain Kathryn Janeway are in Holodeck two.

Seven walks out of sickbay, and into the holodeck.

Holodeck.  There is a program running, (OBVIOUSLY!) and it just happens to be the crashing of the Titanic.... sorry.  Titanic on the brain.  Actually, the program is [Pauline, come up with a program, and write something about it, or just come up with an idea and we'll figure it out.  But you know, we could leave that there...]
 
 

Tom and B'Elanna are in their quarters, arguing.  (Don't ask about what, it doesn't matter.)  Suddenly:

D: Sickbay to B'Elanna Paris.

B: WHAT?!

D: I've made a mistake.

B: No surprise there.  What did you do?

D: Not 6.  7.

B: What do you mean?  Not 6—... I'm having septuplets, not sextuplets?

D: I'm afraid so.

B: Doctor, if you make that kind of mistake again, I'm going to scramble your program.  B'Elanna out.  Thomas Eugene Paris, you are a DEAD MAN!

She starts hitting him.  Hard.

P: B'ELANNA!  STOP!

She does, and looks at him.

P: What are you doing?!

All of a sudden, 'Lanna starts crying and collapses into Tom's arms.

P: Sh...  Sh...  What's wrong?  Sh...

B: I don't know.  (sob)  It's just— (sob)

After a few minutes, she just sits sniffling and hiccuping.  She looks at the chronometer.

B: By Kahless!  I'm late for my shift on the bridge!

P: No.  Tom to the Captain.

K: Yes?

P: B'Elanna won't be able to make it to her shift.

K: Fine.  Is she all right?

P: She's- ( he looks at B'Elanna's tearstained face) a little tired.

K: Tell her I said to feel better.  And to rest.  Oh, and tell her both are an order.

P: Will do.  Tom out.  Well, you heard her.  In bed.

B: But-

P: No buts.  Don't make me carry you like you had to on Mishkara.  [See STV book # 14, Marooned]

B: All right.  Help me up.

Tom leans over over, and picks her up.  (For those of you who don't know how a guy picks up a girl, and need me to really specific, he puts his right arm under her knees, and his left arm under her back.  Not wanting to get hurt, she puts her arms around his neck, but reluctantly, I'm sure.)

B: TOM!

P: Quit complaining.

He walks into their bedroom, lays her on the bed, kisses her gently on the forehead, then gently but passionately on the lips, and leaves, clapping three times.  (Get it?  The clapper?  Laugh.  Please.)  No, actually, saying:

P: Computer, lights off.
 
 

At a staff meeting, on June 3rd. Janeway is sitting at the head of the table, VERY pregnant, and moving to the right around the table: Chakotay, Tuvok, Tom, 'Lanna (VERY VERY VERY pregnant!), Harry, and Neelix.  (Did anyone else notice that this is in order of rank, and that the guys are sitting by their wives?  Actually, that was intentional.)

K: Mr. Tuvok what's your- (Clutches her stomach)  (For anyone who cares, she was about to say "status".)

CH: Kathryn?

K: Sickbay.  Now.  (They walk out)

B: By Kahless, that was- (Clutches hers)  (And she was about to say "fast".)

P: 'Lanna?

B: Let's go.  (They walk out)

H to N: Gosh.  I wonder- (He was about to say "if I should check on Annika?"

7 over comm link: Annika to Harry.

H: (Looks at N)  Yes?  What is it?

7: Meet me in sickbay.  Andrew is coming.

H: I'll be there.  Harry out.  I guess I can stop wondering.  Gosh, the babies  are dropping like dead flies.

In Sickbay:

P, Ch, H: Push!

B, K, 7: I'm trying!

D: Mr. Paris, Mr. Chakotay, and Mr. Kim.  If you ever do this to me again, I'm going to go through drastic measures to make sure it doesn't happen again.

P: Do what, Doc?

D: Put three women in here in labor at the same time.  Ah, Mrs. Paris.  I can see the fifth one coming now.  Captain, you've dilated another 6 cm.  Congratulations, Lt. Kim.  You have a beautiful baby girl.

B: (cockily)  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  That's nice.  But there's— two more!  (groan)  (I think Tom's teaching her some jokes.  Like, how to be funny, even in labor.)
 
 

Neelix is clearing his throat trying to get attention

N: Attention I've got some wonderful news (everyone quiets) I would like to announce that we have got 9  new passengers (everyone goes silent) wish Captains Janeway and Chakotay congratulations on the  9 lb. 3 oz baby girl, Kathy Ann, Lts. Kim on their 10 lb. baby boy, Andrew Allen.  And last but certainly not least Lt. Cms. Paris on their septuplets. (Collective gasp)

(Ensign Wildman was the first to come to her senses)

W: Neelix, I thought B'Elanna was having 6 not 7!

N: Well, as we all know the doctor can be, and was, wrong.

W: Yes, I know how wrong the Doc can be but, missing a seventh heartbeat?

H: (Just walking into the messhall) I am sure that you all know by know the news of our new  passengers. I was sent down her to tell you all about Tom and B'Elanna's children along with the news of mine and Chakotayís own journey into Fatherhood.

A cheer echoes throughout the ship.  The women in sickbay hear it, and grin.  They are watching their respective babies, and 'Lanna is kissing Tom.  She pulls away, and looks at him.

B: You know what?

P: What?

B: I'm the happiest woman alive.

P: Who wouldn't be?  I just shed 15 pounds in a matter of hours.

Tom chuckles.

P: 'Lanna, you've been living around me too long.

B: And why is that, Mr. Paris.

P: Because you love me?

B: Good answer.

They kiss, and Pauline turns from Annika's baby to look at them, hands on hips in that age old stance, obviously taught to her by Mama Kate, effective at showing power only when done by a woman, and says sarcastically,

Pew: Lieutenants.  That's what got you here in the first place!

Tom pulls away, and looks at Pauline, a completely serious look on his face.  Then he breaks into a grin.

P: No, actually, this is what got us here in the first place.

Pauline cuts him off by covering her face with one hand, and doing the "talk to the hand" thing with the other.

Pew: I DON'T want to know.  Really.  Forget I commented.
 
 

So, Tom finally has the boy he wanted to balance his four beautiful women! (chuckling from the crowd) he has 3 in fact:
Andrew James to be known as A.J.: 3lb. 5oz.
Mark Allen (giggling heard from the Peanut Gallery): 6lb. 13oz.
and Donald Ian (again giggling heard from “The Gallery”); 4lb. 7oz.

HJ: I love it when they take our advice.

B'Elanna's girls:
D’Elanna Jean: 4lb. 7oz. (Chuckle, chuckle)
Cassidy Elizabeth: 3 lb. 6 oz.
K'Ehleyr Francis: 4lb. 9oz.
Jadzia Renae: 3 lb. 14 oz.

All out laughter is heard from the table which holds the Peanut Gallery as Heather Jean, Pauline,  Meredith and Renae collapse onto the floor.