Dramatis personae (Player Characters):
LOKI WORMTONGUE, of Dunferlon, a halfling jester (and the play's Director)
QUINTUS VARUS, of Revolo, a human blade (bard)
GRACE aka MOON, of Ruda, a human thief/acrobat
REBUAZ, of Coronemir, a half-elven cleric (posing as an old human)
GOTHAR HAERDWYN, of Rus, a human fighter
ANYA, an animated wooden doll
Game Master's Note: This extract is presented as an excellent example of how a diverse group of PCs cooperate to combine skills to produce something new.
The weather clears overnight, and contrary to yesterday, the day is bright and fine, with only a light breeze from the south-west, cooling the city. It is warm, but not too hot. Perfect.
LOKI isn't actually nervous on the day of the show; he is remarkably calm and collected and ready to direct any of the others to the best of his ability if they get stuck and look like they are going to panic in the show or before. He also has some of the appropriate jokes ready (the ones he has been collecting around the town) just in case he needs to say something funny in any situation ...if somebody panics, for example.
They gather their gear for the performance and load it onto the small house-cart - for this includes a round wooden "board" with supports which QUINTUS has had Mellor the groom and a couple of the guards working on, and on which REBUAZ has painted GRACE's outline, for the shuriken-throwing act - and proceed in the early afternoon to the castle where, together with numerous other entertainers and the like, they are allocated a storage and warm-up space in a smaller court to one side of the main courtyard, where (as the weather is fine) the banquet will take place.
Workmen are putting the finishing touches to a stage at one end; the group inspects the stage, figuring the dimensions into their routines etc; it should prove more than adequate for the task. The main court is hemmed in by two-storeyed buildings on three sides and the higher main keep on the fourth (behind the stage); the buildings all have open cloisters and finialed balconies opening onto the court, where presumably the more important guests will sit. Indeed there is a "royal box" projecting out from either side of the upper story; the Count will occupy the one to the left of the stage (looking from it). Clusters of seats and tables are being moved into position throughout the courtyard, and streamers and the like put up to festoon the buildings. There is an air of slightly frantic haste to all, for the first guests should be arriving in an hour's time, and things kick off around 3pm.
Ah, yes. Showtime ....
LOKI is kept busy making sure the stagehands know what's going to happen and where everything should go etc; there are no curtains on the stage, though it does have curtained wings and a backdrop; LOKI arranges for a couple of pieces of material to be suspended in appropriate places rear-centre stage for their act.
The crowd starts to arrive, filing in in their finery; the more important guests taking places around the upper balcony. Waiters start to circulate with trays of canapes and such; a side-table laden with various finger-foods and non-alcoholic drinks is also provided for the performers, though most are too keyed-up to partake right now.
The staging area is a bustle of preparations; there are quite a few acts to get through, and the stage manager - a bull-voiced fellow who, though dressed in civvies, could be a sergeant-major in everyday life - is hard-pressed to keep a modicum of order. Finally all is in readiness, and the MC for the day - a peacock of a fellow in shimmering multi-coloured tunic and hose - quiets the crowd as he runs through his opening patter and introduces the first act: a couple of tamers and their squad of half a dozen trained monkeys, who do a juggling-cum-acrobatic act. They're followed by a large busty woman who sings an operatic aria; a male contortionist who ties himself hopelessly in knots and has to be carried off; and a group of six pipers and a drummer, who tweetle and toodle a variety of strange pipe instruments whilst marching about the stage. These all get polite but not particularly robust applause.
Then comes a pair of sword-fighters (at which QUINTUS, peeking from the side, evinces special interest) dressed in matching crimson costumes; they complete a near-flawless and incredibly hectic semi-acrobatic mock-fight routine, which draws sustained applause at its conclusion (not least from the bard, similarly impressed!). After them it's the turn of a strolling bardolier, who sings a handful of semi-comedic ballads, making a reasonable fist of it (he gets a number of laughs, which is a good sign, for you're up next ...).
The group goes through their warm-ups, with LOKI also scuttling about making sure the stagehands are moving things into the appropriate positions; then, just before they're about to go on, LOKI calls them together and says, "OK guys we've worked damn hard to put this show together and as much as you're all pains in the arse... I'm proud to be in this show with you all and thanks for all the effort you put in considering most of you haven't done anything like this before...well errr.....what are you all gapin at," LOKI says looking more than a little red in the face.... "we'd better get out there AND DON'T SCREW UP! bums," the halfling adds irreverently, even as the stage manager calls out, "Right, theatre company ... you're on in one minute!"
With mixed emotions they take their positions to the sides of the stage, doing any last minute arranging of their props etc as they do so. The bard finishes his act, to reasonably generous applause, and then the stagehands quickly shift the last prop into place....
Curtain up! (as it were). ANYA is seated on a high bench, with a couple of bits of greenery propped behind to indicate a garden, and clear space below, so it can be seen no-one is there to manipulate her. Resplendent in his costume, LOKI takes a breath, then does a running tumble out from the wings to center stage, finishing on one knee facing the audience.
"My Lord Count, lords and ladies, gentlemen and goodwomen all," LOKI declaims. "The Moon and Five Stars Theatre Company is proud to present the debut performance of our epic play - specially condensed for your better digestion - The Pining Princess and the Dragon!" (Drum roll by GOTHAR from offstage).
"There she sits in her father's garden, ashen of face, her expression rather wooden, pining for the one true love she hopes will someday come and sweep away the shavings of disappointment collecting round her stout little oaken heart ..." (Haunting flute from offstage by GRACE)
"Some say she's related to the Count," LOKI continues in a faked stage whisper, "but though you could make a bow of her, I doubt there's any other Bo in the boughs of her family tree, hmmm? Though perhaps there's a grain of truth in it ... a leaf out of a splinter line mayhap ...nothing a little polish wouldn't bring out.
"Well, if I were as thick as a short plank I'd stake a claim, wooden yew?" LOKI asks the audience, getting a few titters and a reasonable number of smiles, but nothing too warm in response as yet. Aware he's in danger of flogging the wood jokes, he introduces REBUAZ: "But soft; her father, the archmage, cometh ...."
LOKI scurries monkey-like back across the stage to usher in the old wizard, falling into the part of the wizard's jester; as REBUAZ and ANYA converse, LOKI does a number of crude visual gags: picking his nose and flicking it at the audience, fanning a fart, yawning widely - this last in particular as ANYA speaks, to undermine the idea of ventriloquism.
"Ah there you are, my dear," REBUAZ (remarkably calm and professional) greets the doll, moving to stand near her. "A weeping willow, rooted to the spot, and pining again, as usual .... If only I could find a way to break this branching melancholy ...."
"Oh, father," says ANYA, blinking her eyes, "then conjure me a handsome prince! Someone who will take me for what I am!"
"Aye, a fat termite for her maidenwood," LOKI says aside to the audience.
"Child, you know I cannot," REBUAZ continues a little sadly. "Love is something even magic cannot force ..."
"Oh, then what good are your spells?" ANYA cries, angrily bereft. "I'd rot away before you lifted a finger to help!"
"Be still!" REBUAZ says angrily. "Else I forget whose seed you sprung from, and sell you to the woodcutter!"
REBUAZ storms off, leaving ANYA to blink a couple of times and then slowly close her eyes, as if saddened. LOKI makes a silent "Ooo!" to the crowd, then tumbles across stage to the other side of the doll, fishes behind the curtain hung there to put an old stuffed rabbit, which he has remade into the form of a dragon puppet, on his hand whilst saying, "But here fate points a knotted finger, to subtly warp the lives of little dolls who linger ... enter, the dragon!"
LOKI swoops his arm out and down from behind the curtain, "flying" the dragon puppet through the air and around above where ANYA sits; the dragon, spying her, bulges one eye (thanks to LOKI's finger), says, "What tasty morsel is this, dare I guess? Why, tis a fair wee damsel, in distress!"
The dragon swoops down to land on the bench, waddles along it to rear up beside ANYA, preens a little (as much as LOKI, now behind the bench, can make it seem so) and says in a slow supposedly-sexy drawl, "Why, hello ...."
ANYA's eyes fly open, her head turns toward the dragon, then back to stage right where REBUAZ went, then to the front and, eyes wide, she screams, "Eeeeeee!" The dragon slaps a hand over her mouth, cutting off the shriek; removes it, and ANYA screams the more; puts a hand over her mouth again to cut it off, but now LOKI screams (openly) instead; the dragon slaps its hand over his mouth, then both hands in both mouths as ANYA screams again, all done rapid-fire; with the dragon also muttering things like "Hmm, key of E, sharp," and "Is that any way to greet a suitor?" Finally (to dramatic drumming and flute playing by GOTHAR and GRACE offstage) the dragon grabs the doll in both "hands", and taking to the air with ANYA clutched to him, still shrieking, flies off behind the curtain, the cries rapidly diminishing.
(LOKI secretly is relieved this gets a few good laughs from the audience, though they're still not as responsive as he'd like.)
REBUAZ scuttles on stage, stops aghast at sight of the empty bench, wrings his hands whilst declaiming, "Oh woe, oh no! A dragon has stolen my beloved daughter!"
QUINTUS, fully geared up in black leathers and bearing two chromed swords, appears behind REBUAZ, says boldly, "Do not fret, mighty wizard, I, Quin the Magnificent, shall rescue that delightful doll from the beast's evil clutches!" QUINTUS tweaks his handlebar moustache (provided by REBUAZ using +hairy+ yesterday) and gives a double twitch of his eyebrows to the crowd, complete with a suave grin ... ie acting as a thoroughly sleazy character. He runs off stage left, in pursuit, while REBUAZ turns and hobbles off stage right, sobbing.
"Act two, in the dragon's lair!" LOKI announces loudly, and whips the curtain back over the props and himself to reveal a little tableaux atop another bench: the dragon and ANYA on it, flanked by a couple of large rocks denoting the cave. At the same time GRACE, backstage, surreptitiously positions a lit torch in a free-standing holder to one side, stage left.
"Will you be my friend?" the dragon asks. ANYA shakes her head from side to side. "Well, will you wed me, then?" asks the dragon. ANYA shakes her head again. "Alright, how about some totally uncommitted sex?" At this, ANYA's head spins violently round and round. "Yep, she's a spinner," the dragon says aside to the audience.
QUINTUS bursts in, swords drawn. "Aha!" he cries. "Aha?" the dragon echoes sceptically. QUINTUS goes into his offensive spin with his blades, slowly advancing/edging round toward the dragon. "Ha ha!" he says as he does so. And, "Ho ho ho!" the dragon laughs. "You puny mortal, think you can best me with those pig-stickers? Why, I've only to breathe, and there'd be nothing left but ash!"
"Oh, you think so? If I breathe, even the rocks would melt!" QUINTUS replies.
"You dare challenge me?"
"I do," the bard says, unstoppering his white spirits and, before he sheaths the swords again, pouring a little onto each blade while saying, "Let's see how much fire there is in that scaly belly!"
"Ooh! How thrilling," ANYA squeals. "They're fighting over me!"
"Don't kid yourself, doll-face," QUINTUS and the dragon say at once.
"Right!" the dragon says, and huffing itself up, breathes a little jet of fire (LOKI, casting +firefinger+ out its mouth).
"That's your best effort? Watch this!" says QUINTUS, and taking a swig of the spirits, grabs the torch from its holder and breaths out a great gout of flame, angled up and ostensibly away from the players ... but which unfortunately catches the edge of the curtain behind LOKI, setting it alight! "Eeek!" LOKI squeaks as the material quickly flames up above/behind him with a whoosh!, showering him with flaming sparks ... but fortunately the light material is quickly consumed, and though it chars and singes the rope to which its attached, flickers and dies as rapidly as it flared up as the curtain melts away.
"Imagine waking up to that in the morning!" LOKI extemporises, patting at his costume to make sure no sparks take hold and trying to pretend its all part of the act.
QUINTUS, grinning madly, says, "Told ya it would melt rocks!"
"Take this, then!" cries the dragon, and breaths once more - another puny effort (+firefinger+).
"Oh yeah?" QUINTUS this time sends his flaming breath out over the audience, once, twice, thrice ... (to "oohs" and "aaahs" especially from those in the front seats). QUINTUS moves to reposition the torch in its holder as he finishes this routine.
"There you are you sly son of a drow," GRACE growls angrily as she marches on stage, heading for QUINTUS shaking a finger at him. "You two-timing snake-bellied suave-arse, sneaking off to see your cutesy lover behind my back! Huh," she continues, sparing the doll a withering glance, "don't know what you see in her ... must be like banging a board!"
"Uh, oh, now Moon, honey ..."
"Don't you Moon me! I don't want a beaux with splinters in his weenie!"
"Who is this vile creature ...?" the dragon asks, but is ignored.
Hands on hips, GRACE surveys the (imagined) cavern. "Cor, this the best you can do? Thought you'd at least set up your mistress in style!"
"Now honey ...." QUINTUS wheedles.
"I say, who ..." the dragon begins.
"My wife, stupid," the bard retorts, shutting up the dragon but not GRACE.
"Oh, poo, I knew it was too god to be true!" ANYA wails.
"Ha! Too good for you, you're right about that! Why, wait til I get you home, you ..." GRACE curses, starting to move toward QUINTUS and looking about to grab him by the ear.
The bard however backs off fast, whipping out his swords and, after passing them briefly through the torch to light the spirit still on the blades, goes straight into a defensive spin. (GOTHAR, meanwhile, offstage, with REBUAZ' help, moves the target board into position stage right.)
"Oh no you don't!" QUINTUS says, slowly backing GRACE back across the stage with his weapons display, the more spectacular for dripping flame from each tip as they spin. "I've had it with your harpy song ... and anyway, I'm here to rescue the princess, not knock her up!"
As the flames die QUINTUS sheaths his swords while GRACE finishes backing up to position herself against the target wheel. Fetching out his shuriken, QUINTUS throws the pattern quickly (one between each arm and torso, the last between the legs), while saying loudly (a word after each throw), "And .. stay .. there!"
"Now, ..." he utters, turning toward ANYA, at which point LOKI (half out from behind the bench) hurls the dragon at him (while giving a roar of rage); QUINTUS catches the dragon and throws it up, catches the apple and the unlit torch LOKI throws after it as he works his way out onto centre stage; QUINTUS starts to throw things back, and each adds another object - a lemon, a knife, a hand axe, finally ANYA herself - until there are seven objects flying between and above them.
This act was due to end with GOTHAR interrupting them, but as ANYA comes hurtling toward him, LOKI misjudges the catch and she goes sailing past - with a little shriek - into the wings stage left, while the halfling, distracted, lets other objects fall and clatter about him. Going with the flow (and preserving his own safety!) he does a couple of backflips and falls (deliberately, if a bit hard) on his bottom.
Fortunately ANYA goes sailing straight into GOTHAR, waiting offstage with large leather-bound tome in hand; he catches her, whispers, "You okay?" "Fine, thanks!" ANYA says perkily back.
As it's obvious he needs to get out there, GOTHAR tucks ANYA under one arm, opens the book, and strides out, muttering, "No, no, no, this'll never do! I mean the plot was hackneyed for a start, but where's it going now? Look, you're supposed to slay the dragon, not the story-line!" GOTHAR says, while as naturally as he can moving to replace ANYA on her bench. Turning and spying LOKI, he goes toward him, saying chidingly, "As for you, who gave you licence to juggle? You're supposed to be the puppeteer ...." GOTHAR says, picking LOKI up by the scruff of the neck and dangling him in front of him, much to the delight of the audience.
LOKI's little legs pedal frantically in mid-air for a moment, then he flips himself around, running up GOTHAR's chest and flipping over so that (as breaking the hold) he falls from the big man's grasp to the stage; then, even as GOTHAR starts to grab for him, dashes between his legs and away.
"Bloody critics, they're all the same! Can't enjoy a bit of fun!" LOKI says aside to the crowd as he scampers around the stage, with GOTHAR lumbering ineffectually after. They wind up on opposite sides; LOKI sticks his tongue out, goes "nyah nyah" at GOTHAR.
"Right, that's it, I'm killing this play off right now!" GOTHAR declares, unshipping his bow and nocking an arrow. (QUINTUS meanwhile has moved to the rear, leaning on the bench pretending to chat to ANYA while watching events.)
"Can't hit me!" LOKI taunts. GOTHAR takes aim, fires ... and almost hits LOKI in the chest. The halfling just manages to grab the shaft in time! Already GOTHAR has another arrow nocked ... he pauses only briefly to let LOKI regain his equilibrium, then fires five more times in quick succession and, though he struggles with the last two, LOKI catches them all!
"Told ya! Told ya!" LOKI crows, doing a merry little dance in place. "You can't kill a good yarn that easy!"
"Bah! I'll ..." GOTHAR starts to say menacingly, casting his bow aside and starting to move toward the halfling; "Oh no you won't!" GRACE says, and with a throaty yell, jack-knifes across the stage, end over end, (while GOTHAR braces himself), leaping up on the last tumble to plant herself on his shoulders, crutch in his face. She is a little off in her leap, but fortunately GOTHAR judges it right and adjusts quickly enough to catch her properly, though he gets a fat lip from the impact and GRACE gives a little whuff of pain as she smacks her belly into his head too hard. Still, its minor, and they pulled it off, which is the main thing.
QUINTUS and LOKI meanwhile briefly check the powder-coated weapons are ready in place, then both dash toward GOTHAR and GRACE, pretending to get in each other's way and rolling forward in tandem; LOKI tumbles through GOTHAR's legs and comes up behind and leaps onto his back, while QUINTUS comes up in front and grabbing GRACE attempts to pull her off. GRACE falls backward and QUINTUS half throws her over as he also falls, so that they backflip away together but without tangling; GOTHAR spins right around, then reaches behind him and grabbing LOKI's arms and bending forward, throws the halfling from him; QUINTUS comes to his feet in time to catch LOKI by the arms and swing him on between his legs and up again toward GRACE; LOKI clamps himself onto her, face buried in her chest; with a look of disgust she dances briefly about the stage then throws him from her; LOKI tumbles toward QUINTUS, who holds his hands in a bridge for him; as LOKI's feet come down into his hands QUINTUS exerts himself to boost the halfling up and onward; LOKI does a mid-air somersault and lands standing on GOTHAR's shoulders.
They break off, grab up the weapons, and go into the flashy fight sequence. LOKI and GRACE both wield long daggers, GOTHAR and QUINTUS their swords; there is much twirling and throwing of blades as they dance about, clashing blades occasionally to set off little sparks and puffs of flashpowder (pre-coated on the blades) for effect. While its heavily choreographed to try to ensure no-one gets hurt, this is probably the most dangerous sequence; as GOTHAR swings his sword around, GRACE does not move into place quite quickly enough to avoid the stroke, and the tip of the blade catches her across her right arm, a shallow little cut of no great moment, though naturally it draws blood; she grimaces and manages to keep her head and goes on with the sequence without further incident, ignoring the wound.
Suddenly REBUAZ appears stage right, stops in startlement at the scene before him, then waving his arms about in exaggerated fashion, crying "Begone, foul critic!" casts a "spell" at GOTHAR ... a large puff of smoke erupts on stage in front of the big man, who hastily "disappears" from behind it; likewise REBUAZ, crying "Begone, harridan," "Begone, hero," alternately casts +enhanced smokepuff+ so GRACE and QUINTUS can "vanish"; LOKI, taking up the fallen dragon, gives a dragon roar and charges across the stage at REBUAZ, who, crying "Begone, impudent creature," casts another smokepuff as he nears; LOKI veers sideways and likewise disappears, taking the dragon with him, leaving REBUAZ alone with ANYA on the stage.
REBUAZ hurries toward her. "Fairest daughter, are you all right?"
"Oh father! Thank goodness you saved me! That horrible dragon wanted to ... well, he ..."
"There, there, you're safe now."
"Oh, I thought I wanted adventure and excitement and a hero to sweep me away, but ..."
"Come, princess, I think you've learned your lesson. As dull as it may seem, there's no place like home," REBUAZ says gravely, and taking up ANYA carries her steadfastly from the stage.
"Yes father, I'll not pine the more," ANYA says as she's carried off, to which REBUAZ can be heard to reply, "I'll find you some nice carpenter who knows how to treat wood with respect ...."
(Thus making the whole something of a morality play, especially with the reputedly prudish Count in mind.)
A beat or two, then the company as one runs back onto stage, links hands in a line, bows ... to considerable applause, which swells the more as the Count - whom LOKI at least only has eyes for - stands in his royal box and applauds them vigorously, shouting, "Bravo, bravo". Ah, and there's Alfo, seated nearby on the balcony, nodding and smiling and looking well pleased .... It seems they are a hit!
Grinning, the comrades bow deeply again toward the royal box, once more to the audience in general (some of whom are now throwing coins and flowers onto the stage). LOKI sees the Count reach down, then producing a little cloth bag throws it toward the stage; deftly the halfling moves to catch it, raises it triumphantly in acknowledgment and, waving, skips offstage with the rest once more ... the end!