Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Hope that it is not your sole purpose in life to simply serve as a warning to others.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.
The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bear arms.
All those who believe in telekinesis raise my hand.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
A day without sun shine is like, you know, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Have you noticed that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
I'm trying to find out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be; But I think there's one thing that separates us from the animals. "We" aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners!
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because its such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.