"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." --- Elayne Boosler
"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." --- Gilda Radner
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." --- Maryon Pearson
"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." --- Margaret Thatcher
"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." --- Gloria Steinem
"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." --- Katharine Hepburn
"Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths." --- Baroness Edith Summerskill
"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" --- Linda Ellerbee
"Bite the wax tadpole." --- Coca-Cola as originally translated into Chinese
"Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave." --- ad slogan "Pepsi Comes Alive" as originally translated into Chinese
"I am a jelly doughnut" --- English translation of John F. Kennedy speaking at the Berlin Wall
"Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!" --- Jerry Coleman, Padres radio announcer
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A king's castle is his home.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Anarchy is better than no government at all.
Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
As you read the scroll, it vanishes...
Automobile - A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.
Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before.
Brain -- the apparatus with which we think that we think.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Drive defensively -- buy a tank.
Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail friends.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
God didn't create the world in 7 days. He pulled an all-nighter on the 6th.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Help support helpless victims of computer error.
Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.
History does not repeat itself, -- historians merely repeat each other.
If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It works better if you plug it in.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.
Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.
Some grow with responsibility, others just swell.
The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
The road to to success is always under construction.
Those who can't write, write help files.
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
Today is the last day of your life so far.
TRAPEZOID - A device for catching zoids.
Wasting time is an important part of life.
When all else fails, read the instructions.