Ang Pinoy
 
 FILIPINO JOKES
 
 What's the ugliest cow in the world? -Ikaw.
 
 Did you know that filipinos named Staten Island?
 They were passing by on a boat and one said, "Is staten
 island?"
 
 What did one filipino monument say to the other filipino
 monument?
 -Is statue?
 
 There was a Pilipino kindergarten teacher teaching her
 class how to 
 do the hokey-pokey. She started off, "You put your right
 feet in, you
 put your right feet out, you put your right feet in...."
 Suddenly one
 of
 the children said, "Teacher you have to say 'foot.'" So
 the teacher
 said, "You 'foot' your right feet in, you 'foot' your
 right feet
 out....."
 
 There were 3 basketball teams: the white team, the black
 team, and
 the filipino team. They all didn't know what to call each
 other. The
 white team decided to be the "A" team and the filipinos
 were the "B"
 team. What was the black team? -the "E" team.
 
 
 
 Use TENACIOUS in a sentence.
 --I went to The Athlete's Foot yesterday to buy a pair of
 TENACIOUS.
 
 Use UNO, DOS, TRES in a sentence.
 --UNO, DOS TRES are on fire.
 
 Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence.
 --I went to a party last night. There was so much food
 pero
 co-CONTEMPLATE.
 
 Use CURTAIN and KITCHEN in one sentence.
 --Aray! Huwag mo akong CURTAIN. Masa-KITCHEN.
 
 Use PUNCTUATION in a sentence.
 --Daddy, pasukan na next week. Kailangan ko ng
 PUNCTUATION.
 
 Use GUAVA in a sentence.
 --I just had a haircut. Masa-GUAVA?
 
 Use DEDUCT, DEFENSE, DEFEAT , and DETAIL in a sentence.
 --DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE. DEFEAT first DETAIL last.
 
 Use DEPOSIT in a sentence.
 --Paki-check nga ang banyo. I think DEPOSIT is leaking.
 
 Use PERSUADING in a sentence.
 --Kiko and Kikay got married on June 1, 1992 so on June 1,
 1993, they
 are going to celebrate their PERSUADING anniversary.
 
 Use DEVASTATION in a sentence.
 --I wait for the bus at DEVASTATION every morning.
 
 Use CONCLUSION and OPINION in one sentence.
 --(Pointing to a door): CONCLUSION, hindi OPINION.
 
 Use PAMPERS and PAPERS in one sentence.
 --At the gasoline station, I asked the attendant, "Do I
 PAMPERS or do
 I
 PAPERS?"
 
 Use DIFFERENCE and DIFFERENCES in one sentence.
 --If the royal family has a baby boy, he is called
 DIFFERENCE; if they
 have a baby girl, she is called DIFFERENCES.
 
 Use PROTESTANT in a sentence.
 --Apples, oranges, and other fruits can be bought at the
 PROTESTANT.
 
 Use ANALYZE and ANATOMY in one sentence.
 --My ANALYZE over the ocean so bring back my ANATOMY.
 
 Use IRAQ, IRAN and EGYPT in one sentence.
 --IRAQ is bigger than a stone; IRAN is faster than a walk;
 and EGYPT
 is
 smaller than a truck.
 
 Use INDAY in a sentence.
 --(In your best Whitney Houston voice): INDAAAAAAAAAAY
 will always
 love
 you...ooooooo.
 
 Use SUBTERRANEAN in a sentence.
 --Yang si Alma Moreno (or your favorite person of the same
 genre),
 SUBTERRANEAN.
 
 Use ASSOCIATE in a sentence.
 --I looked in the toilet and, ASSOCIATE.
 
 Use DINUGUAN in a sentence.
 --I tried turning on the TV but no matter how many times I
 tried
 DINUGUAN.
 
 Use PAUL five times in a sentence.
 --PAUL, be carePAUL; you might PAUL in the swimming PAUL
 and make a
 PAUL
 of yourself.
 
 Use HOSTESS in a sentence.
 --When you annswer the phone, you say, "Hello, HOSTESS?"
 
 Use CASHEW and SKATE in a sentence.
 --I want to have a tattoo sana CASHEW mukhang ma-SKATE eh.
 
 Use CUISINE in a sentence.
 --I hope you studied last night because our teacher might
 give a
 surprise CUISINE Math.
 
 Use DEFICIT in a sentence.
 --Before going into the pool, I always check how DEFICIT.
 
 Use MASTURBATION in a sentence.
 --Hoy! Finish your food, there is MASTURBATION in the
 third world.
 
 Use DEPRESSED in a sentence.
 --DEPRESSED is the person who conducts the mass every
 Sunday.
 
 ARE YOU REALLY FILIPINO? (115 ways to make sure)
 
 Confused about your ethnic identity; Want to know just how
 filipino
 you are? Take this less-than-scientific quiz to rate your
 Filipino-ness.
 You might just be surprised at the results!
 
 Scoring: Give yourself 3 points if you can relate to the
 following
 characteristics yourself, 2 points if it relates to an
 immediate
 family
 member (mom or dad) and 1 point if you know of someone who
 has the
 characteristic. (NOTE: This quiz was taken from "The
 Philippine
 Review,"
 August 1995 edition.)
 
  MANNERISMS & PERSONALITY TRAITS:
 1. You point with your lips.
 2. You eat using your hands and have it down to a
 technique!
 3. Your other piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
 4. You nod your head upwards to greet someone.
 5. You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbow
 on your knee
 while eating.
 6. You use a rock to scrub yourself in the bath or shower.
 7. You have to kiss your relatives on the cheek as soon as
 you enter
 the room.
 8. You're standing next to eight big boxes at the airport.
 9. You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for
 souvenir's
 sake."
 10. Your house has a distinctive aroma.
 11. You smile for no reason.
 12. You flirt by having a foolish grin on your face while
 raising
 your eyebrows repeatedly.
 13. You go to a department store and try to bargain the
 prices.
 14. You use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.
 15. You scratch your head when you don't know the answer.
 16. You never eat the last morsel of food on the table.
 17. You go bowling
 18. You play pusoy & mah jong
 19. You find dried up morsels of rice stuck to your shirt.
 20. You prefer to sit in the shade instead of basking in
 the sun.
 21. You add an unwarranted "H" to your name (i.e., "Jhun,"
 "Bhoy," or
 "Rhon.")
 22. You put your hands together in front of you as if to
 make a path
 and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people
 or in front
 of
 the TV.
 23. Your middle name is your mother's maiden name.
 24. You like everything that's imported or "state-side."
 25. You check the labels on clothes to see where it was
 made.
 26. You hang your clothes out to dry.
 27. You are perfectly comfortable in a squatting position
 with your
 elbows resting on your knees.
 28. You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for all
 events.
 29. You always offer food to all your visitors.
  VOCABULARY:
 30. You say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom."
 31. You say "for take out" instead of "to go."
 32. YOu "open" or "close" the lights.
 33. You ask for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste."
 34. You ask for a "pentel pen" or a "ball pen" instead of
 just a pen.
 35. You refer to the refrigerator as the "ref" or
 "pridyider."
 36. You say _kodakan_ instead of "take a picture."
 37. You order a "McDonald's" instead of a "hamburger"
 (pronounced
 ham-boor-jer).
 38. You say "Ha?" instead of "What?"
 39. You say "Hoy!" to get someone's attention.
 40. You answer when someone yells "Hoy!"
 41. You turn around when someone says "Psst!"
 42. You say "Cutex" instead of "nail polish."
 43. You say "for a while" instead of "please hold" on the
 telephone.
 44. You say "he" when you mean "she" and vice versa.
 45. You say "_aray_!" instead of "ouch!"
 46. Your sneeze sounds like "ahh-ching" instead of
 "ahh-choo." 47.
 You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA" for overacting,
 "DOM"
 for dirty old man and "TNT" for, well, you know. 48. You say "air
 con"
 instead of "a/c" or air conditioner.
 49. You pronounce the following words: "hippopo-TA-mus,"
 "com-FOR-table," "bro-CO-li," and "Mongo-mery Ward."
 50. You say "brown-out" instead of "black-out."
 51. You say "Uy!" instead of "Oops."
  HOME FURNISHINGS:
 52. You use a walis tambo and a walis ting-ting as opposed
 to a
 conventional broom.
 53. You have a "Weapons of Moroland" shield hanging in
 your living
 room wall.
 54. You have a portrait of "The Last Supper" hanging in
 your dining
 room wall.
 55. You own a karaoke system.
 56. You own a piano no one ever plays.
 57. You have a tabo in the bathroom.
 58. Your house is cluttered with _burloloys_.
 59. You have two or three pairs of _tsinelas_ at your
 doorstep.
 60. Your house has ornate wrought iron gates in front of
 it.
 61. You have a rose garden.
 62. You display a laughing Buddha for good luck.
 63. You have a shrine to the Santo Nino in your living
 room.
 64. You own a "Barrel Man" (shwing!)
 65. You have a parol hanging outside your house during the
 holidays.
 66. You cover your living room furniture with bedsheets.
 67. Your lampshades still have the plastic covers on them.
 68. You have plastic runners to cover the carpets in your
 house.
 69. You refer to your VCR as the "Beyta-Max."
 70. You have a rice dispenser.
 71. You own a turbo broiler.
 72. You own one of those fiber-optic flower lamps.
 73. You own a lamp with the oil that drips down the
 strings.
 74. You have a giant wooden fork & spoon hanging in the
 dining room.
 75. You have wooden tinikling dancers on the wall.
 76. You own capiz shell chandeliers, lamps or placemats.
  AUTOMOBILES:
 77. You own a Mercedes Benz and call it "chedeng."
 78. You own a huge van conversion.
 79. Your car chirps like a bird or plays a tune when it's
 in reverse.
 80. Your car horn can make three or more different sounds.
 81. Your car has curb feelers on it.
 82. You hang a rosary on your car's rear view mirror.
 83. You have those air fresheners in a bottle.
  FAMILY:
 84. You have aunts and uncles named "Baby," "Girlie," or
 "Boy."
 85. You were raised to believe that every Filipino is an
 aunt, uncle,
 or cousin.
 86. Your dad was in the navy.
 87. Your mom or sister is a nurse.
 88. You get smelling kisses from your grandma.
 89. Your parents call each other "mommy" and "daddy."
 90. You have a family member that has a nickname that
 repeats itself
 (i.e "Deng-Deng," "Ling-Ling," "Jong-Jong" or
 "Bing-Bing.")
 91. You put hot dogs in your spaghetti.
 92. You consider dilis the Filipino equivalent to french
 fries.
 93. You think that eating chocolate rice pudding and dried
 fish is a
 great morning meal.
 94. You order things like tapsilog, longsilog, or tocilog
 at
 restaurants.
 95. You instinctively grab a toothpick after a meal.
 96. You order a "soft drink" instead of a "soda."
 97. You dip bread in your morning coffee.
 98. You refer to seasonings and all other forms of
 monosodium
 glutimate as "_Ajinomoto_."
 99. Your cupboards are full of corned beef hash, Spam and
 Vienna
 Sausages.
 100. "Goldilocks" means more to you than just a character
 in a fairy
 tale.
 101. You appreciate a fresh pot of hot rice.
 102. You bring _baon_ to work every day.
 103. Your baon is usually something over rice.
 104. Your neighbors complain about the smell of tuyo on
 Sunday
 mornings.
 105. You eat rice for breakfast.
 106. You use your fingers to measure the water when
 cooking rice.
 107. You wash and re-use plastic utensils and styrofoam
 cups.
 108. You have a supply of frozen _lumpia_ in the freezer.
 109. You have an ice-shaver for making _halo-halo_.
 110. Your cloth tablecloths have tell-tale "toyo circles"
 on them.
 111. You eat purple yam-flavored ice cream.
 112. You gotta have a bottle of Jufran handy.
 113. You fry Spam and hot dogs and eat them with rice.
 114. You think half-hatched duck eggs are a delicacy.
 115. You know that "chocolate meat" isn't really made with
 chocolate.
 
  RESULTS
 249-345 points: Welcome to America! Judging from your high
 score, you
 are an obvious transplant from the Philippines. There is
 no doubt what
 your ethnic identity is! You're Filipino, through &
 through.
 173-258 points: Congratulations, you've retained most of
 the Filipino
 traits and tendencies your family has instilled in you.
 170 and under: You have OFT (Obvious Filipino Tendencies).
 Go with
 the flow to reach full Filipino potential. Prepare for
 assimilation;
 resistance is futile.