QWAAF
(Questions Which Are Asked Frequently)
Here at Crazy Lizard Studios, we often receive e-mails from visitors to our humble web-dwelling. Frequently, they ask us questions. Hence, to keep us from having to send out the same old e-replies over and over again, we’ve compiled a handy list of Questions Which Are Asked Frequently and the answers to them, thus saving all of us valuable seconds of time which can instead be spent on such worthwhile activities as drinking tea and industrial espionage. Hurrah!
Do you fellows take art commissions at all?
Yes indeedy, but we’re often busy with other things, so it might not always be possible straight away. By far the best approach is to e-mail the artist you want to commission, and see what he (or she) says. There’s no harm in asking, because from your point of view we’re just words on a screen, and we can’t reach you from here. Unless you’ve made the mistake of watching the cursed videotape, of course.
We’ll send price lists if requested, or an assassin if you ask for anything involving carnal shenanigans. Just go and have a cold shower, or something.
How about an art trade, then?
Again, this is a fine and dandy thing provided we have the time, with the added stipulation that we have to like your work. We’re not drawing a full-colour panoramic scene with 16 characters and backing vocals just to get a hastily-scribbled stick figure in return. E-mail us, and we’ll natter.
I’d much rather have you draw me something for free. Will you do that instead?
That very much depends on whether we like you or not. If we’ve never heard of you before, chances are we won’t. But hey, don’t let that stop you from trying your luck.
Why all the whiteness? It hurts my pretty eyeballs.
The primary purpose of this site is to display funky pictures for your viewing pleasure, and to ensure that everyone can see them without having to wait half an hour for each page to load (not everyone has broadband, y’know) we’ve kept the site as simple as possible, while retaining an air of minimalist chic, natch. This also means we’ve got more room for new things; we only have a limited amount of free space upon the InformationSuperAutobahn, and pretty backgrounds take up memory that could be used for a lovely drawing of some daffodils, or something. (Also, aside from the Sketches section off the main page, we haven’t yet found a low-memory background design that looks even vaguely presentable.) So I’m afraid you’ll just have to put up with it. You could always try dimming the brightness on your monitor, or wearing sunglasses.
How come you don’t have Flash animations/Quicktime movies/pictures of naked ladies on your site? That’s what all the good websites have.
Then go and look at them instead of bothering us, nitwit.
How come you don’t have a guestbook on your site? I want to make myself look astonishingly clever and hilarious by telling you how much your art 'sucks', and swearing at you with a total absence of grammar or punctuation.
Why do you think?
How come you don’t have an automated web-diary thing on your site, so I can read about the ins and outs of your daily life in excruciating detail?
Oh for Christ’s sake, stop being so tedious.
Do you sell prints of your arty things?
Phew, a sensible one. We don’t keep prints in stock, but if there’s a drawing you’d particularly like a copy of, drop us a line and we’ll see about having one made. Bear in mind, though, that anything involving other people’s characters (especially commissions) might not be possible; we’ll have to ask their permission, and they’re perfectly within their rights to say no.
Can I name my pet after one of your characters?
You most certainly can, although they might not thank you for it.
Sticky bun?
No thanks.
That’s it for now; if any further questions come to be asked frequently, we’ll add them to the list. Meanwhile, if there's a query not included here that you’d like to put to us, you can fling an e-mail towards the usual address. (Don’t forget to remove the falsebit.)