Words of the Heart

The text that I've inscribed here are things that have struck close to my heart ...I feel these very words keenly and thought I might share them, It is my sincere hope that these words also make a difference in your world

†heg¡rl

Who do you think you are-

Standing there like you have a life? Pretending to be happy- And forcing that smile... Pretty in a boring way, You have a blank look to you- Like you've lost something.... Stupid! Do you think that you can make something of your self? Do you think you're worth something? Do you think anyone could ever want you? Stupid bitch! Who could love a whore like you? Don't you know you're crazy? Don't you know you're worthless? Do you think you deserve love?? Slut! Idiot! I scream at her- But, when I go to hit her The mirror shatters....

Sarah Gotschall

What I Should Think Of You {Dedicated to the woman of a thousand masks}}
Nothing. Thats what I should think of you. But of course, me being me, it is not that simple. I hate you. I hate you for reasons that makes sense in my mind. I hate you for what you have done. Having actual proof or reason for thinking that you did anything... but you know *shrugs* I hate your bitch ass anyway. I have to control myself anytime you are near me. Control myself from grabbing your scabby little neck and hauling you into a bathroom beating you into the blackness you truly deserve Of course you are totally oblivious to this. Thinking I think nothing of you... or possibly that I even like you. Sorry deary, I don't. I hate you. As uncalled for as it is...I do. And I like to. It is not going to change.
Venus 1999 {I changed a few of the words but the majority are hers...thank you so much for expresing it so well V!I adore you love}

"Please Hear What I Am Not Saying"

Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the face I wear. I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks, masks that I am afraid to take off, and none of them are me. Pretending is an art that is second nature with me, but don't be fooled; for God's sake, don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I am secure, that all is sunny and unruffled within me as well as without; that confidence is my name and coolness my game; that the water is calm and I am in command; that I need no one. But don't believe me, please...

My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask, my ever-varying and ever-concealing mask. Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence. Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness. But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it. I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear of being exposed.

That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind; a nonchalant, sophisticated facade, to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows. But such glance is precisely my salvation. And I know it. That is, if it's followed by acceptance, if it's followed by LOVE.

It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself; from my own self-built prison walls; from the barriers I so painstakingly erect. It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself, that I am really something. But I don't tell you this; I don't dare. I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance and love. I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me; I'm afraid that deep down I'm nothing, that I'm just no good and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game, with a facade of assurance without and a trembling child within. And so, begins the parade of masks the glittering but empty parade of masks. My life becomes a front. I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that is nothing and nothing that is everything, of what's crying inside of me. So when I'm going through my routine, do not be fooled by what I am saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying, what I would like to be able to say, what for survival I need to say, but what I can't say.

I dislike hiding, honestly. I dislike the superficial game I am playing, the superficial phony. I'd like to be genuine and spontaneous and me, but you've got to help me. You've got to hold out your hand even when that's the last thing I seem to want or need. Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the breathing dead. Only you can call me into aliveness. Each time your kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings. With your sensitivity and compassion and your power of understanding, you can breathe life into me.

I want you to know that, I want you to know how important you are to me. How you can be the creator of the person that is me if you choose to. PLEASE CHOOSE.

You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble; you alone can remove the mask; you alone can release me from my lonely prison. Do not pass me by. Please do not pass me by.

It will not be easy for you. My long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. The nearer you approach me, the more blindly I might strike back. It's irrational, but despite what books say about a person, I am irrational. I fight against the very thing I cry out for.

But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls, and in this lies hope. MY ONLY HOPE.

Please try to beat down my wall with firm hands, but gentle hands-for a child is very sensitive. Who am I, you may wonder? I am someone you know very well. FOR I AM EVERY MAN YOU MEET. I AM EVERY WOMAN YOU MEET. I AM RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!

~~a very old story or whatever you wish to call it. Many I know fall into it.. Perhaps some of us should read it better..

~~With Love, Carolyn/Inocense/MysticChylde~~

~One Planet, One People, One Purpose~

I get so scared inside, and I don't really understand Is it love that's on my mind, or is it fantasy Heaven Is in the palm of my hand, and it's waiting here for you What am I supposed to do with a childhood tragedy

(Chorus) If I close my eyes forever Will it all remain unchanged If I close my eyes forever Will it all remain the same...

Sometimes It's hard to hold on So hard to hold on to my dreams It isn't always what is seems When you're face to face with me You're like a dagger And stick me in the heart And taste the blood from my blade And when we sleep, would you shelter me In your warm and darkened grave

(Chorus Repeat) If I close my eyes forever Will it all remain unchanged If I close my eyes forever Will it all remain the same...

Will you ever take me No, I just can't take the pain But would you ever trust me No, I'll never feel the same...Ohh... I know I've been so hard to you I know I've told you lies If I could have just one more wish I'd wipe the cobwebs from my eyes

(Chorus Repeat) If I close my eyes forever Will it all remain unchanged If I close my eyes forever Will it all remain the same...

Close your eyes Close your eyes You gotta close you eyes for me

Ozzy Osbourne/Leta Ford

The Key
You possess my will like a key on a ring dangling me from this oh so exquisite high . Every cell in my being resonates with desire for you . To rise and fall and fall again to your whim. The beauty is not to succumb not to submit and yet knowing that if I don't I become desolate . You oblige by drenching my mind and body , assaulting my senses with deep , warm pleasures , carressing me until I want nothing else but your touch. Your voice calls to me , I am left vulnerable bare , open and raw , yet I cannot pull away to do so would mean another piece of my facade gone . I am here helpless , needing you ,wanting you , desiring nothing but you . You counter by staying just out of reach allowing me to touch here and there when I get too close , back on that key I go . Pretty and touching to the sight but only to watch ,study and observe . And so I dangle on that key catching the light waiting , hoping , wishing , My only desire is to unlock you what is kept tight inside you , the flood that you feel , that simmers just under the surface protected and just out of reach . You feel you cannot allow it loose , your own Pandora's box , for you would then become the vulnerable one, the wanting , needing one . And that very act of unlocking the lock would cause you to realize that the key was the answer and it was just within your reach .

Cheyenne Bowers

Keeper of The Flame
The villagers warned me ... "tis not safe for one so fair to travel there" I , in my youthful folly, ignored the plea went on my way unabashed and unprepared , what I was to meet I'll never forget to this day . Not that I'd want to.... for He owns me now .
When I first encountered it , I was walking along the highway . In the distance I saw a dark wall . As I came closer I found that it wasn't a wall at all... A Mist....... a swirling , mystical mass of Mist I shook my head , "It can't be , the sky is much too clear" . I spoke aloud to myself , trying to calm the sudden overbearing sense of foreboding that had settled into my heart .
The Mist swelled and billowed forward , in a half of a breath it was on me . Engulfing me , seeming to swallow me whole. I couldn't see , I couldn't breathe , these Mists choking me blinding me . I fell on the ground gasping for air , frantically trying to see my way when I first heard his mournful call... The Mists dissapated slowly at first , then in a gust of wind were completely gone . Slowly , I stood to my feet , rubbed my stinging eyes clear . I hesitated and then I looked up... I became in absolute awe in what loomed before me .
It was a castle , dark and forboding , yet I was unashameingly drawn to it . I couldn't pull away from it , the raw power.... the sheer force.... calling me.... carressing me.... needing me.... I came closer , it's massive gates fell across the yawning cavern below it . One misstep and I would be no more . Painstakingly , I started my acesent to the place where I was being summoned . It seemed to take forever step after cautious step . I rounded a corner and stopped cold.... I was facing a tower deep within the confines of the castle .
It was there I felt the unrelenting forces call.... It stirred something deep within my soul . Unable to go back , I reached with a trembling hand out to the handles on the great door and pushed them . Much to my suprize they opened.... seeming to welcome me with their dark shadows , deep crevaces , and long halls . I stepped in the tower holding my breath.... Then I saw him....
Hair the color of driven snow , Eyes the color of the deepest angry storm cloud . I was helpless , as I stood there , locked in his gaze . A cry tried and failed to come to my lips . I fell back , trying to escape....those eyes . He stepped forward , seized my arms and drew me to him . Shoulders broad , legs like that of chisled granite , He spoke.... One utterance.... "You belong to me". My world collided upon itself.... It seemed like a whisper at first and grew in it's intensity . My senses knew in that moment , this is the one who's call I could not fail to answer .
His gaze raked over me . I felt the intense heat , the icy cold of it all at once . I was powerless not to respond , cursing inwardly at my body's betrayal . I became enveloped in that deep resounding voice , comforting and terrifing all in the same . He touched my face , trailed down my arms with a simple fingertip . Everywhere he touched , my skin answered.... my very being called out.... my soul reaching to meet his . He Smiled , he knew that I was his .
He claimed me.... He entered me.... He possessed me.... He held me fast in his grasp . He leaned my body towards him , pressed his lips against the soft flesh of the top of my breast and kissed me . His kiss was deep , almost excrusiating in it's intensity . He lifted his head , looked into my eyes , A stain of crimson on his full lips.... His voice soothed me , lulled me into sweet unabashed oblivion....
I jolted awake with a start . Searched my room frantically until my eyes adjusted to the dark . A dream ...... But it seemed so real.... I chuckled to myself . I have to quit reading that book , those incantations are invading my sleep . I rose from my bed , secured the robe around my body . I reached out and opened the door , only to meet face to face with that same man . Those eyes were aflame as he looked at me ..... No ,...into me . He said in one deep sweeping voice.... "O' Keeper of the Flame" "You called me forth , For me there is no escape ." "I am your vassal and you are the catalyst that ignites the flame". It was useless to resist.... The call invaded me.... commanded me.... owned me....
In that instant I knew what the locals said was true , "tis not safe for one so fair to travel there"..... but I no longer cared.... My Dark Lord was there .
Cheyenne Bowers

A Force of Nature
The thunder of your awakening echos across my soul almost deafening alerting me to my role. I have come from beyond the pale It is For you that I came against my fate I will not rail all is done in your name I shall seek nevermore I know you now onward forward evermore I don't know how Its you I seek through fire and storm never meek never warm I can feel your essence For it brushes mine I know your presence we are one of a kind I will come for you no matter what I will come for you no matter where I will come for you no matter when I will come for you I am already there
Daniel Hahn Liege Killer

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