Guardian
_______________________
The eyes that stared back at him were perfect.
So beautiful, loving and happy.
He could get lost in those wonderful eyes forever.
They looked back at him with a seemingly identical
wonder.
He said nothing. He didn't need to.
His heart joyfully reminded him of how lucky
he was - it wasn't often
that you found your perfect match. Marco
knew the others wouldn't
understand, so he didn't really say anything.
He just continued gazing into those lovely eyes....
"Marco, get out of the bathroom!
Surely you've finished combing your hair by now?"
The voice of Marco's dad wafted up like a greasy
gaseous discharge.
Marco knew that his dad was getting impatient,
and wanted to use the
mirror too. Marco couldn't really blame
him, however - Marco's mom
HAD disappeared in a bizzare way. They
were fishing together, when
cement flew out of nowhere. "Arthur! Cement
out of nowhere!"
Marco's dad looked up, but he was too late -
his wife was drying into
a nice garden statue. Unable to save her,
he made a terrible
decision - he would have a pipe inserted through
her and make her
into a fountain. But before his nice plan
could come to fruitition,
a giant spacefaring hippo sucked Marco's mom
up in orbit, and Marco's
dad never saw her again.....
Still, he
thought, who needs a mom when I've got
me!
Damn, I'm good...... with
that, however, he ducked downstairs to
go eat some snacky cakes.
___________________________
_______________________________
Visser 3 was unhappy again. I mean, so unhappy
that he'd ruined
THE END
If I have offended anyone with this piece of fiction........
Jake made his way to the barn where the other
Animorphs met.
He liked the barn. I mean, who COULDN'T
like such a great barn?
He was sure it was a much better barn than one
that could be built
by the Taxmen, or the Hoot-and-Jeers, or even
the evil Kerk
controllers. Damn, they were evil, those
Kerk controllers.
But they couldn't compete with this barn!
Jake walked in just in time to see Axelrose-Eggnog-Isthmus
morphing.
Boy, thought
Jake, he sure looks funny! Like a
Giant waffle!
Mmmm....I could go for a waffle....
Jake suddenly lost control and start gnawing
on Ax!
Damn, this is an unsually meaty and chewy waffle,
Jake mused as he bit into Ax's still morphing
leg.
I'm more popular than you!>
Jake didn't seem to hear him, so Ax quickly lopped
Jake's head off
with his Scorpion-like tail.
"Oh my god, you killed Jake!" Cassie screamed.
"You BASTARD!"
Cassie began hitting Ax too, so Ax lopped HER
head off.
"Ax! As your friend, I demand that you
stop killing people!"
Tobias said, walking in in human morph.
I merely got a little frisky.>
Tobias nodded and went on. "Allright folks,
we're here to discuss
the latest order of the day - the new leader.
Being the one with the coolest method of finding
the Blue Morphing
box, I vote we have Chester A. Arthur!"
"Thank you, thank you!" Chester grinned.
He was wearing a grin that just screamed 'Look,
I'm a smile! See?'.
"I'm proud of how I found the morphing box.
You see, I had just gone out fishing. It
was pretty damn unusual,
because this HUGE spacefaring hippo floated down
out of the sky -
and regurgitated the box!".
Rachel, Tobias, Ax and Marco all stood and applauded.
Rachel motioned
to their "Hero of the Millenia" board.
"Chester, because you are
the author of this self-insertion fic, we're
going to take down
that poster of the cow and put yours there!"
Suddenly, half a dozen
Chinese came in and started applauding.
Rachel took down the poster
of the cow who had gotten a PhD in astrophysics
(because he could),
and put up a freshly xeroxed copy of Chester's
face. Chester, his
ego swelling to the size of a large waffle, suddenly
got a plan!
"Ok, here is what we are going to do. Kill
Visser 3, then kill the
head of the Council of 13!" The others
stood around and gaped.
Gaped, because they hadn't quite worked out why
THEY hadn't thought
of killing those two.
"But how do we kill Visser 3? I mean, he
has the Andalite body of
Algore Semicolon-Crabgrass. He can whup
even MY gorgeous booty in
combat. And we don't even know who the
Kerk Emperor IS!"
Chester silenced Marco with a lawsuit for being
a prick.
"I know all of these things, ohhh yes.
You see, I'm all knowing.
Yep yep yep". So, off they all went.
his Crayola colouring in book and also smashed
his 'Visser 1'
dartboard. To make matters worse, a bunch
of stoopid Hoot-and-Jeers
were still dancing around a giant butterfly net
chanting
"We caught the Animorphs", when really they'd
failed months ago.
He considered telling them, but it didn't seem
worth it.
A beep on his com board alerted him.
"Visser 3, you have an incoming message from
the Emperor."
Visser 3 didn't normally get emotional, but this
time he did.
In fact, he'd only ever been this emotional after
his Bridge partner
had been killed and those Andalites had ruined
his career plans to
be a petroleum transfer technician. He
hadn't ever seen the Emperor,
but he had heard terrible rumours about his appearance.
He pushed that to the back of his mind, however,
when the Emperor's
face appeared. "Greetings....Visser....3."
The Visser could do nothing but stare.
It was HORRIBLE!
"I...have a job for you. You must.....find
me some Tek to
make war with! I must have it! And
don't you have a life?"
Visser 3 finally got enough courage to respond.
"Of course I have a life! I'm a Visser, remember?"
And the Emperor did.
But at that moment, the Animorphs burst in.
"The gig's up, Visser 3! And who's your....OH
MY GOD!"
Chester couldn't even bare to look at the hideous
visage on the com
screen. The Emperor began to laugh.
"Hahahaha, Hahahaha HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"
Tobias, being everyone's favourite character,
quickly killed Visser 3
with a large jar of beeswax.
to the evil Emperor and kill him!>
Tobias nudged his beak around the screen, which
fell away, revealing
the Emperor hiding behind it."You...can't win,
Animorphs! I.....am a legend!"
Tobias had had enough of this. First he
had become a nothlit.
Then he'd been tricked by an Ellimist.
And now he was being accosted
by the most ugly visage in eternity - James T.
Kirk! With that,
Kirk's toupe and girdle deatched like magic and
began attacking them.
Marco tried to do something, but the corset covered
his mouth.
The others stood around, gaping in horror at
the Kerk Emperor. But
then something highly bizzare happened.
Out of nowhere, light began forming. It
swirled, as everything
in the room froze, looking. It formed itself
into a single form - and
suddenly, an Andalite stood in the room.
It was none other than
Elfhelper-Signalflare-Shameful!
Elfhelper just looked at him sadly, then started
fighting with Kerk.
Out of nowhere, a bunch of 60's jazz musicians
began playing
Star Trek fight music. Chester decided
it was time to go.
"Quick, we're got to go, the the two dead legends
are
going to cause a catastrophic explosion!"
And so they all runneth like hell to somewhere
else.
And then the ship blew up, and everyone went
home.
Except the cow with the PhD, who contracted Kruetzfeld
Jacobs Disease
and ate himself.
Well, I've done my job right, haven't I?