ࡱ> !  Root EntryF MatOST @؉ MMMN0H8ND FMicrosoft Works MSWorksWPDocuSTH-H85 5Xb5b5b5b5=/8db5F-t6b55T Title: Fanfic Gone Awry Author: Happy Disclaimer: Almost don't need one. CC and FOX aren't even going to want to touch these guys once I'm done! Well it's probably not *that* bad, but still...They ain't mine! Rating: G (general goofiness.) Classification: H (humor) S (story, kinda) Summary: Mulder, Krychek, an Oreo cookie and a Fanfic gone horribly wrong! Spoilers: Tiny one for Hollywood AD, blink and you'll miss it. Author's Notes: Man, I'd better explain some of this or it's going to make absolutely no sense whatsoever. Actually, it may not make any sense anyway. Okay, writing's between <....> are from the "Author" to an unidentified possibly imaginary person. (You may call them Bob if you want.) Everything else is pretty much what it seems to be. Original idea for this came from a remembered "Lipton Iced Tea" commercial. BTW: This was written at about 4:00pm not at 2:30 am like these types normally are. You have been warned! Feedback: Always! issaquah@excite.com ****************************************************************************** Fanfic Gone Awry By: Happy Mulder's Apartment 3:38pm Mulder and Krychek were fighting...again. Only this time it was over something far more serious than the "You-killed-my-father- prepare-to-die" scenario. Oh, no..this time the circumstances were much more grave. This time, it was for the last Oreo cookie. And seeing as it was "Double-Stuffed" it made the situation far more dangerous. Of course Mulder had the physical advantage over Krychek in that he had two arms to his opponent's one. However he had the disadvantage of character. As most X-Philes know, Mulder has a knack for getting the crap beaten out of him, and Krychek has the knack for escaping *most* physical punishment. So in reality it was a fairly even match. Round and round and round they go, when they stop...only I know. A taunt here, a kick there, a jab, a... "Ouch! Mulder! What the heck...?" a wincing Krychek wrung his hand after landing a successful punch to Mulder's chest. "Uh," said Mulder reaching in his coat pocket. "Aw man! Krychek, did you have to go and bust my cell phone? These things aren't cheap you know!" "Yeah, I'm sure Accounting is well aware of that fact." Krychek rolled his eyes. "Scully's gonna kill me." mumbled Mulder looking at his departed cell-phone. While Mulder mourned the loss of his phone Krychek took the opportunity to grab the Oreo and take a bite. "Hey!" yelled Mulder and reached for the Oreo. With one hand Krychek held him back and used the other to take another bite. "Wait! Wait! Time out!" said Mulder still struggling in Krychek's grip. "What?" "Since when did you have two arms?" Krychek looked confused for a moment then shrugged. "Continuity mistake in my favor." he said, and proceeded to finish off the cookie. "That's really unfair." said Mulder... < No! I am not going to have Mulder pout! What are you? Some sort of warped shipper? This is an Oreo cookie we're talking about here. Any more drool on the keyboard would make this hazardous to the reader's health. Now pipe down and let me finish the story! What? No, of course I'm not going to leave it at that! We must keep the balance here. For something this good to happen to Krychek something equally bad must happen. His leg? What are you talking about?! Oh, you mean the arm thing. Well, no. I'm not exactly CC here, so the arm thing can't be kept I was talking about...> "Noo!" yelled Krychek Mulder looked at him. "What are *you* despairing over?! You ate the cookie!" "I can't keep my arm." Krychek hung his head. "Wha...?" "Oh! Just look up there!" "So, if she's not CC...why are we listening to her?" asked Mulder "Because it's in our contracts. Under "Fanfic"." "Let me see!(grabs a paper out of his back pocket and reads.)....Oh. I was wondering about that bit..." "You really should read the fine print." said Krychek. At that moment the door burst open and Scully hula'd in wearing traditional Hawaiian garb. The Lonegunmen followed with a drum, maracas, and a ukulele. While Mulder and Krychek picked their jaws up off the floor (Krychek's was easy to tell because it still had bits of Oreo in the teeth) Skinner sauntered in with a surfboard. Mulder took one look at his boss (wearing a pair of swim trunks that put his ties to shame) and immediately bent down to retrieve his eyes. Which had bugged so far out of his head they had fallen out onto the floor. "Hey dudes!" said Skinner giving them a "hang loose" sign "'Sup?" At this point Krychek realized two things. That A: Anything could happen. and B: And probably would happen and he should get out of here with his arm while he still could. He began to make his way to the door. He had almost reached it when Scully (who was still hula dancing) saw him. Glaring she strode over to him. "You..." she said venomously. "You killed my sister..." at this point she noticed his arm "For that I am going to take off your arm and beat you with it!" Even in a grass skirt and coconuts Scully managed to be intimidating. To say nothing of the fact that she wasn't wearing shoes and this made her shorter than ever. Krychek gulped. Edging his way out the door he said. "Uh.." he didn't really know what to say, but so long as he kept her busy..too late. Scully whipped out a lightsaber and hacked off his arm. Picking it up she charged him. "Not again." moaned Krychek and took off running with Scully hot on his heels brandishing the arm. Seeing their star take off the gunmen quickly dropped their instruments and started playing the Star Wars Collectable Card Game (tm). Skinner gave Mulder a high five and at that moment Cancerman lurked in. Mulder rushed over to him. "Where's Samantha?" he demanded. "Somewhere over the rainbow." said Cancerman and took a drag on his cigarette. "Dang!" said Mulder and walked back over to Skinner "I was hoping with all this nuttiness he might actually tell me. Everyone else seems to be out of character." "Dude, if it's as nutty as ya say. Why would it be the truth?" asked Skinner. Mulder was thinking about that for a moment as Scully ran back in. "Uh, Scully?" said Mulder was about ask her about the whole hula thing. "Not now Mulder!" she said racing to his computer "I need to update my website!" "Dudette, you are like, an inspiration to us all." said Skinner. Cancerman lurked over to an unseen corner and stood there smoking his cigarette. "What website Scully?" asked Mulder his curiosity getting the better of him. "It's a fan site actually. This sci-fi show that's aired every Sunday night at 9/8 central..." she was explaining to him when suddenly three Men In Black appeared in the room. "There she is! It's Starbuck1121!" said one pointing a finger at Scully. "Woah, MiB's" said Skinner "Far out!" Two MiB's grabbed Scully and pulled her away from the computer. "Nooooo!" said Scully "Who are you?" asked Mulder. "We are from Fox." said the one who had ID'd Scully, presumably the leader. "No, you aren't I have no idea who you are." said Mulder "No, not you! Fox, as in Twentieth Century Fox." Mulder's eyes widened slightly. "Yes sir, we've been on the trail of this one for a long time." said the man puffing up a bit. "Starbuck1121 is well known for her devious deeds." "Deeds?" "Copyright infringement, illegal posting of pictures, bootlegged films, MP3s, and even..." here his voice dropped to a low whisper. "The illegal use of character's in fanfic!" Mulder was horrified. "Yessir, but now her reign has come to an end. Take her away boys!" "You'll never silence us!" yelled Scully as they began to drag her out. "The fans have their rights! They keep you in business!" Mulder's head was spinning. It couldn't be! A fan was being denied her rightful fandom tendencies! But that wouldn't happen. Not while he was around! Free Speech was Out There! Slamming into the nearest man he forced him to brake his hold on Scully. She then rolled her wrist out of the grip of the other. "Scully run!" yelled Mulder as he tackled the third guy. Scully ran out the door. As soon as he saw her go, Mulder jumped up and followed her out. Cancerman saw an opportunity and lurked out with the MiB's in tow. They would make good additions to his pathetic force of evil. Skinner looked around Mulder's apartment which, after the fight, was messier than usual. He glanced over to the Lonegunmen who were sitting completely oblivious in the corner and still playing "Star Wars". "Dude," he breathed. THE END (kind of, keep reading) THE REAL END *As usual feedback and Funny Farm brochures can be sent to issaquah@excite.com Visit me! http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Keep/5507 H-{u.0f.0g}9qq !9t*iPRdoqs6t#d#9;}  I 3 j l l 4 |  H J 4 Z \ ::rt:ACLNsu+-R@|1p{}Xcepr@su*cKM={2nnvx+j;OQl3p=?|+Z\ [lnN0 r +!9!;!y!!!!!!! """]"u"w"""##O#c#e###$$Z$f$h$$$$$$$$$ %%P%]%_%%%%%%%4&p&&&&&'J'L'c'c'e'''''2(p(((k)m))))**F*****+:+a+a+c+y+{++++,X,,,,,,,--<->-@-B-D-F-H-H-[9l :n!$c'a+H-\]^_`abcdefghiTimes New Roman QuickType =/8=/8dCompObjE