TITLE: We're All so Quick to Blame the Cow (6/13/99) AUTHORS: Sarah Josephine and T EMAIL: fortto@aol.com and go to my webpage, http://members.aol.com/fortto/mypage.html RATING: PG SPOILERS: None SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully go celebrate Scully's b day with The Lone Gunmen. Be scared now CATEGORY: Humor, x-files/RENT crossover, MSR NOTES: FEEDBACK SEND IT! Yeah yeah yeah, the entire placement of the story and actors in RENT does not make sense. And the theatre is not in DC but please live with it, it's just a funny story. Please don't get caught up on the details. I must say this is my first attempt at humor in a story so keep that in mind. I got the idea for this story when I was really hyper and talking about rent with T about 5 months ago. I did not finish it till now. I kinda wrote this to get T to read fanfic (and cuz I was hyper) well send feedback please and McDonalds is NOT bad! Trust me I "worked" there for 4 hrs once and there is nothing in the soda. THANX: THANK YOU T! You helped with fashion and with all the rent stuff, also thanks to din and lovtheatre for putting up with my questions J and Steph and Karen and Rach a HUGE thank you for proof reading this!!! ARCHIVE: Where ever just keep the names on it DISCLAIMER: Scully and TLG, belong to Chris Carter, all the Rent stuff belongs to who ever made Rent, and Mulder belongs to Scully and she sometimes loans him to ME!!!! Feb 22 1999 J Edgar Hoover building Basement Mulder came into the basement office a Monday morning singing "Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to Scully. I got tickets too!" "Tickets for what?" Scully asked looking up from the piles of files on the desk. "The 1996 Tony award winner for best musical." Mulder said taking an envelope out and waving it in front of Scully "RENT?!" Scully said jumping up from the desk grabbing at the tickets "come on Mulder just because you are almost a foot taller then me doesn't mean this is fair, give me the tickets!!!!" She finally jumped up onto the desk and grabbed the tickets out of Mulder's hand. All the files from the desk fell onto the floor. "Oops" Scully said jumping off the desk. She opened the envelope and looked at the tickets "These are third row center for tomorrow night!!!" she jumped up and kissed him "how did you get these?" she said jumping around the office. Mulder was in shock he thought to him self "umm we would have gotten first row but something about the first 2 rows don't go on sale till 20 min before the show or some such stupidness. I got them from Frohike so if you get any weird email from m_the_man@tlg.com its not my fault!!" Scully was too happy to care or worry about her email and what would be in it next. She was going to see RENT with her partner! "Mulder how come there are 5 tickets in here?" Scully asked a little scared of the answer "Well like a said I got the tickets from Frohike and the only way I could get them in time for you birthday was if he, Byers, and Langly got seats with us. So I did, so all 5 of us are going." For the first time in her life Scully did not mind spending the night with The Lone Gunmen as long as Mulder was there to protect her she was happy. "How am I going to get though the next two days? I can't wait!!" <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Feb 23 1999 J Edgar Hoover building Basement "Lunch, that is what I need to get my mind off the play tonight and shopping I need a new dress." Scully said grabbing her coat from the rack in the corner of the office. "You leaving me here all alone?" Mulder asked with puppy dog eyes "You will survive you did for all those years before I came here" Scully said walking back to the desk in the middle of the office. "But...But... But now you work here and I don't want to be alone any more." Mulder said making the face even more pathetic. "Fine you can come but after lunch you know I am going shopping and don't tell me you like going shopping for dresses." Scully said as she picked up Mulder's jacket from the rack. They left the office in joy and glee. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> A few hours later DC Hills Mall "How about this one?" Mulder asked. He was holding up a lilac dress that was off the shoulder, it was about knee length with a fluffy skirt. Something right out of the 80's "I think not," Scully said taking one look at the dress. "But did you see any in a bigger size?" Scully asked with a smile on her face. "Yeah why?" Mulder asked looking at the dress again. "Maybe you should get it for your self and wear it" Scully said laughing. Mulder just through the dress back on the rack and walked to a different part of the store. When Scully calmed down enough to get a real sentence out she went towards the back of the store "I'm ganna try one on " she said. "Can I come?" Mulder asked with that look on his face. "You sure they did not put some drug in you soda?" Scully asked "What at McDonalds? Never." Mulder said "Stay!" Scully ordered as she left with a black dress in her hand. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Scully's apartment Latter that afternoon Scully was in her apartment getting ready for her big birthday night out. She was wearing her new dress that she had bought with Mulder. It was sheer black with green satin that pocked out through eyelets all over the black. It went 4 inch above her knee, sleeveless and beautiful. She bought a new pair of black shoes for the play, 5 inch heals held on her foot but thin straps in crisscross pattern Scully asked her self as she put them on the finish her ensemble. Knock knock Scully stumbled to the door in her heals. She practically fell into the door when she stopped but when she went to look out the peephole she was thrilled that she did not have to jump to see Mulder standing at the other side with a big grin on his face. Scully opened the door with a smile and let him in, she was about to close the door when a hand held it open, she looked to see what it was and saw The Lone Gunmen holding the door and practically running into her apartment kitchen. "Don't worry I blindfolded them on the way here, they still don't know what the outside of your building looks like." Mulder jokes with a smile "It's the inside I'm more worried about," Scully said back admiring his muscular arms and six-pack stomach she knew were hidden by his black tux and cumber-bun. "You look great Mulder," she said, she could barely get her eyes to move and look at his face as she spoke. "What is the blue Tupperware in the fridge?" Langly asked sticking his head into the foyer where Mulder and Scully still stood, breaking the mood. "I have no idea," Scully said. Disappointed that Langly just broke her gaze at Mulder. "Your hot" Frohike said also looking into the foyer at Scully. "We should get going," Byers walked into the foyer and said "Mulder helped Scully into her long black trench coat. "I love that dress, I wonder where you got it?" Mulder asked with a hint of fun in his voice. "Gee Mulder I really don't know" Scully joked back Scully though to her self she grinned at this idea. <><><><><><><><><><><> Later that night In the Nederlander Theatre Scully's plan had been going on the entire night, in the car on the way to dinner she had told Mulder her "plan" and he agreed to go along with is Mulder's voices said to him. Just to make Frohike stop making stupid comments Scully was practically hanging on Mulder the entire night but she and Mulder still had to do some careful planing so Frohike was not sitting next to her. It's not that she did not like Frohike its just he was not the most polite person on the planet and she wanted to spend her birthday with Mulder. They were all enjoying the play and the acting but the music the most. It was alive and with feeling. About half way through the first act when a girl wearing jeans and a cowbell on a rope for a belt with the night sky printed on her shirt came on stage. She was singing about how she wants to get out of it, her life, when all of a sudden, at the end of the song, she started to moo like a cow. "Hay Fro," Byers whispers as he hits Frohike in the shoulder, "I think she is calling you." "You think?" Frohike asked, "she's hot" Scully heard that last comment of Frohike's and landed over Mulder and said "why don't you go scream that off the stage then jump into the pit" Scully said in annoyance. Mulder just smiled and was glad the she was finally able to tell him off because he had been a little disrespectful. Unfortunately her comment also gave Byers an idea. He then picked up Frohike and tossed him onto the stage. The actor singing did not notice there was an extra character on the stage and continued on with the song, she even got the audience to join in her mooing. Mean while four armed guards came on stage and dragged Frohike off the stage and out the stage door giving him a very stern warning about never coming back to the theatre again. While he was back stage Frohike did notice one thing, well more like one person; he looked like Luther Mahoney, a mass killer with a drug cartel behind him. After he had been thrown out he immediately went to find a pay phone and warn Mulder and Scully that there was a killer back stage. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Inside Nederlander Theatre Ring "Oops" Mulder said under his breath as he realized that he had not turned off his cell phone when he entered the theatre. "Sorry" he said to everyone who was now staring at him" he answered the phone in a whisper "Mulder." There was a pause as he was listing to Frohike talk. "Frohike Where are you?" another shorter pause. "What? There is a killer back stage? Me and Scully will go see" he said and hung up the phone. He then went on to tell Scully what had happened and they went to go investigate. Unfortunately one of the other people sitting near Mulder had gone and told a guard that he had left his cell phone on. The guard came over to where Mulder had been sitting and mistook Byers for Mulder and through him out of the theatre to the street where he landed next to Frohike. "Hay buddy" was all Frohike could think to say. <><><><><><><><><><><><><> Backstage "There you, freeze, federal agent!" Mulder yelled at Erik Todd Dellums, who met the description Frohike had given him over the phone. "you are under arrest for murder, and illegal drugs!" Mulder yelled and he was about to cuff him when Scully poked him in the back, he turned around to see what it was. One of the security guards was there with his gun pointed at Mulder. "Officer would you mind taking this man or should we?" "This man is not going anywhere," the officer said. "You two on the other hand should not be back here, OUT!" He said and he garbed their arms and through them out the stage door. "Why does everyone think I am some killer just because I played one on TV?" Erik mumbled. Mulder and Scully were then thrown out. <><><><><><><><><><><><> Outside Nederlander Theatre Frohike and Byers met Mulder and Scully outside the stage door. "Did ya get him? Did ya get him?" Frohike screamed and jumped up and down. "No we got kicked out before Mulder could cuff him, I'm going home" Scully said and walked down the street to catch a cab. <><><><><><><><><><><><> Scully's apartment Even later that night Scully sat on her couch watching TV in her pajamas, "Attention everyone in down town Washington DC." The reporter on the news said, "there has been a drug found in the drink fountain at the McDonalds in DC hills mall. The drug apparently causes a state of psychosis, which causes the victim to act in a not all their state and with an extremely open mind. The drug only lasts 12-24 hours…" the reporter went on but Scully had heard all she needed to know. She and Mulder had been drugged. She immediately called Mulder to tell him so, "what!" was his response. "See you were right, McDonalds did drug my soda." He joked. "One thing I was wondering was how come The Lone Gunmen were acting like they were drugged?" Scully asked "They're here let me ask them." Mulder said and there was a sort pause and she heard Mulder mumbling, then he came back. "They say they went there for a snack around 3pm and got drinks" That explains it, well the drug should wear off by tomorrow, good night Mulder" Scully was about to hang up the phone. "Wait, have you seen Langly?" Mulder asked, "everyone else came out of the theatre about 30 minutes ago but not him." "No, last time I saw him was in the theatre, sorry" Scully said "Oh and happy birthday Scully" Mulder said kindly "Thank you," Scully said, "good night Mulder" Scully said and actually hung up the phone Mulder put his phone in his pocket, "there he is Mulder said as Langly finally walked out of the theatre. "What took you so long?" Frohike asked "I was so inspired by the play that I went and asked where I could take some acting classes. I'm ganna be the next angle!" he said running around the sidewalk in front of the theatre "Isn't angle a transitive?" Byers asked END RENT BACKGROUND: this section is for anyone who knows nothing about RENT (like me) otay this part is what T helped with (thank you!) Erik Todd Dellums played Benny in rent at one point and in my head still does, well he also played the big bad guy, Mahoney, in homicide, life on the street. Angle is a trans as it says and I think that pretty much explains the rest, any more questions email me and I will pass it on to T the RENT expert.