PART EIGHT
For Phoebe, Indiana was a perfect place to raise children. She watched her two boys and Greer play outside, about fifty metres away, under a tree that had a swing. Their laughter rang out in the quiet Indiana air. Greer seemed to enjoy herself. She had asked after her mother a few times and had been weepy just once. Last night Kathryn had spoken with her on vid-com and that had appeased the child.
Playing with her cousins was better than being in their own apartment with only the memories of a dead father and husband as company. Greer was a child who needed other children's company, Phoebe thought. It took her mind off herself, and becoming too melancholy. She preferred seeing her children happy and laughing even as she admitted that circumstances might decree otherwise. Phoebe couldn't blame Kathryn. Horatio's death had been a blow to her and had ripped a vital anchor away from her. Not that Kathryn didn't know how to find herself again, but Horatio had been a blessing, a stable rock that Kathryn needed after the terrible betrayal by Chakotay and Seven of Nine.
She had tried to hate Chakotay and couldn't, accepting that a woman could go to strange lengths to get her man. Seven had tried, succeeded and caused Kathryn personal pain for fifteen years. And Kathryn, bless her, didn't have to tell them much. They sensed her deep unhappiness and then the annual clandestine trysts in Venice… Phoebe had begun to wonder when Kathryn would decide that a half-baked affair was wearing her down, until six years go when her sister announced that she was marrying Horatio Greaves, a widower. Horatio had been dating Kathryn for years, had been in love with her for years, Phoebe amended, and Kathryn had held off validating her relationship with him.
And then Greer was born and Kathryn seemed to come alive again. Their mother had been happy and had gladly helped Kathryn with Greer when the child was still a baby.
But they all knew that in Kathryn's twilight world of sad memories, Chakotay still lurked. Chakotay, who himself had a daughter and whose wife had died three years ago. They all sensed that there was a deep, abiding love between Kathryn and Chakotay, and that Kathryn had twice made a decision in which she came off second best. Letting Chakotay go again had been hard on her but they all knew Kathryn was a trooper who would rally from another setback and get her life on track again. Horatio was a beloved brother-in-law who absolutely adored Kathryn and their little girl. Yes, she thought, Horatio had brought stability into Kathryn's life again and his death was a shock to them all.
They had wanted Kathryn to communicate with Chakotay as soon as Horatio was in his grave but Kathryn had put off letting Chakotay know. It was too soon and with that statement from Kathryn, they had to be content. Phoebe suspected Kathryn hadn't wanted to rush to Chakotay with the news of "My husband is dead and I'm available again" and she understood that about her older sister. It wasn't in Kathryn's nature to run after a man and she wanted to have a dignified period of mourning.
That Chakotay had been brought to Earth by his daughter and his nephew was a complete surprise, even though it was thought that Chakotay had been near dying. It was a mercy dash to Earth and Phoebe wondered how much Chakotay's daughter knew of her father's affair with Kathryn Janeway. Whatever she knew, it was enough to make her decide that Earth and Kathryn were to be Chakotay's salvation. Last night during their communication, Kathryn hadn't revealed much, except to say that he had been treated by the EMH and had recovered fully. It was the look in Kathryn's eyes that made Phoebe think Kathryn's period of mourning was going to be relatively short. Her eyes had a dark sheen in them; Phoebe had never seen Kathryn so alive.
Kathryn was happy again. It exuded from her, in the inflection of her voice, in the way her eyes became soft when she spoke about Chakotay.
Kathryn had informed her that Chakotay and his daughter and nephew were accompanying her to Indiana. She didn't have to do that, but Phoebe sensed it was to provide a good and familiar setting for Greer to meet the man whom she knew would become a part of Kathryn's life again. It was a very important meeting.
"They'll be here in a few minutes," she heard her mother say as Gretchen came to stand next to her in front of the window.
"I know. I'm happy for Kathryn, Mom. Happy that things will work out again. It's been long - "
"Fifteen years. I always caught the shadows in her eyes in unguarded moments. She deserves happiness. She told me last night that Carina is a pretty young girl who desires that her father be happy again." Gretchen gave a deep sigh. "I pray it will be so. I just pray that he accepts Greer."
"He will, Mom. I'd give ten bars of latinum to see his expression when he looks at Greer. Ten bars…"
"He'll know."
"I know, Mom. I know."
***************
Chakotay held Kathryn's hand in the shuttle where they were sitting side by side on the bunk while Tomaso and Carina were piloting the vessel to Indiana. It had been a good decision because he wanted to be near Kathryn, close enough to her that he could touch her cheek, hold her hand or even kiss her in a brief, searing loving kiss. Tomaso and Carina didn't seem to mind either, their knowing glances causing him brief embarrassment, which soon evaporated when they insisted that the adults needed time alone.
In a shuttle?
He felt a certain caution in Kathryn, as if she were apprehensive about something. They were going to meet her sister and her mother as well as Phoebe's husband, their children and Kathryn's daughter. There was another, smaller cottage on the property and he could spend a few days there with Carina and Tomaso while making arrangements for their future. Tomaso, he knew, was heading for Starfleet Academy and Carina harboured the same desires, though he knew that Seven of Nine had always dampened their daughter's queries, had never encouraged her to explore the possibilities of one day entering the Academy, to learn about Earth and Starfleet. He had known it was because Seven didn't want Carina near Kathryn. Things had changed in the last three days, and now there was ample time and opportunity to show Carina the ropes and for Carina to get to know Kathryn better. She and Tomaso were to meet with Miral Paris later. Miral was to take the two on a tour of the Academy and Headquarters. He felt terrible that Miral had lost her grandfather in the same accident that claimed Horatio Greaves. Kathryn had told him that Tom was taking his father's death very hard.
Kathryn hadn't shown him any pictures of Greer, and he was very curious to meet her, too. He felt no bitterness now, not anymore. Before he had been so completely blinded by his jealousy although he knew he had no reason to be. He had been married then to Seven of Nine and Kathryn had decided to get on with her life without him in it. But it had destroyed him, for Kathryn had been the only thing that was good in his life - good and pure and honest. Up until the EMH had declared him fit again, he had been driven by his demons, by the loss of a critical and living part of his life. Now, looking at her, seeing how her eyes lit up, he felt privileged to be with her again. Not as the sometime once-a-year lover, but hopefully a permanent part of her life from now on. Carina was ecstatic, had declared that she'd love to have Kathryn as her new mother. He had had to put a brake on his daughter's enthusiasm and tell her it was too soon to make those kind of predictions. But Carina had been unstoppable in her belief that things would work out and he had been awed by her faith. Carina was a lot more like Kathryn, he realised with a pang.
Now, Carina's physical resemblance to Seven, the pain it had always caused him, had lessened dramatically now that Kathryn was back in his life. He could look at his daughter and see only a young teen growing up, who needed him and who definitely needed a mother.
He thought about Kathryn now, sensing her discomfiture.
"Are you okay, Kathryn?" he asked softly, caressing her cheek.
"You'll be meeting my family. They…know…"
"I see. I guess they must have hated me."
"No. They didn't. They're curious about you, and would love to see Carina. She's a beautiful child, Chakotay."
"The best thing that came from my sham marriage."
"Please…"
"It's okay. I'm not bitter anymore. I trust you and know that I'll be a part of your life from now on, if you'll have me."
"Of course," she told him, pulling his head closer to kiss him.
"So why the unease?"
Kathryn gave a sigh as she rested her head against him. She didn't answer. He pressed his lips against her hair. Things were still so fragile between them. She was a widow; her husband dead a month ago. He had to give her time, space. "It's okay, sweetheart," he assured her, revelling in the fact that he could call her what had been in his heart and thoughts, his hopeless dreams, for too many years. He felt her nod, then sat back and waited for the shuttle to touch down.
"It's just another minute, Papa," he heard Carina's voice. "Then we're there."
He smiled. Carina's enthusiasm was boundless. It was as if he was getting to know her all over again. She had been such a reserved child, except when she was staying with Shauneez for vacations and weekends. Then the children were out most of the time exploring Dorvan V's nooks and crannies as well as steal his shuttle to travel to neighbouring worlds and discover those places. A giant hide-and-seek. It brought back memories of the time he found Carina hiding in his wardrobe, Carina who sat there calmly holding his rosewood box containing his most intimate, beloved, precious memories of Kathryn.
Carina and Kathryn. Hopefully Carina and Greer and Kathryn.
"We're here, Uncle," said Tomaso, turning to look at him.
Then they all prepared to disembark. And naturally, the children were out first.
*******
The next hour or so would pass like a blur for Chakotay, an hour that would remain ingrained in his memory for as long as he lived. Every movement, every word, every peal of laughter, every question, every glance or cocking of the head to one side, or the tilting of a mouth corner was hazy, to be recalled later. Later, when again he could see every movement and hear every sound as clearly as he had heard it the first time.
The shuttle touched down perhaps a hundred metres away from the Janeway homestead, and already he could feel the air rippling with excitement, and a muted kind of reverence. Kathryn walked next to him while Tomaso and Carina walked behind them. Their chatter became background noise, not bad, just background, pleasant sounds that never disturbed. As they walked, his hand touched Kathryn's and she'd look up at him, again with a kind of apprehension, as if she were begging him to understand something or to accept something he might not like. And he had made up his mind that he would love everything about Kathryn and everything that touched her, everything that belonged to her. That was the way it had been on Voyager.
Voyager. On Voyager Kathryn had told him to wait. They hadn't known then that they'd be home within a month. She had been adamant that they not tell the crew of their feelings, their engagement, their promise of marriage. He had wanted to be open and Kathryn, bless her bleeding heart, had wanted to be captain to the last, had insisted that she see to the crew first before anything else. And for the first time then, he had come face to face with her brand of sacrifice. Because he had been involved with her on a far more instinctive and personal level, he felt left out. For the first time in his life. He had stormed off and had gone to the holodeck to sulk and drown his selfish sorrows.
Now, walking next to Kathryn he was prepared to do anything for her, to be anything, to protect, to serve and to accept that whatever befell her, became his too, to reflect upon and to support. He hadn't been there that time on Voyager to protect and support, but his new-found joy in being with her had triggered the goodness in his very foundations - the need to be with her no matter what happened.
So they walked. When they were about thirty metres away from a giant oak tree with a swing, there was a flurry of movement, and like a speedy blur a child ran towards Kathryn.
"Mommeee!!!!"
He watched Greer Janeway-Greaves run towards her mother. If time stood still or broke itself down into extreme slow action, Chakotay could see every particle of the child that made her way towards Kathryn.
And then his heart bled.
The bleeding of it drained him, rendered him immobile; the thundering of his heartbeat were deep, haunting echoes in his brain. Then his heart stood still and he couldn't breathe.
Bleeding and breathing. What did it do to him? He felt faint. Someone - Carina? - held his hand as he stared at the running child. His free hand came up and covered his mouth, to prevent the involuntary cry that escaped him, a cry that emerged from the very depths of his soul.
Greer Janeway-Greaves.
The little girl had hair the colour of a raven's - pitch, pitch black, and eyes like her mother's. She was tanned, a natural tan that reminded him of himself and Tomaso and Shauneez and Nina and Remy. And when Greer smiled, her smile revealed the deep dimples, so much like his own.
He had no idea that tears had formed in his eyes and that they burned and rolled with uncontrollable ease over his hand that still covered his mouth. He stifled a sob as his gaze remained glued to the child who had been scooped up in her mother's arms. Greer's pitch black hair was cut shoulder length with bangs in what he thought so typically childish that he stumbled as he took a step forward. Nina at the age of six looked exactly like Greer. Even Tomaso looked like Greer.
He looked like Greer.
Kathryn's words would ring in his ears over the next few hours as he met her family.
"Greer, honey, this is Uncle Chakotay…"
"Hello…"
The voice of a child. Greer looked at him with childish curiosity, held out her hand to him. She touched his face, traced the outline of his tattoo as if she knew about tattoos and Rubber Tree People. His eyes closed as she ran a small hand over his hair, hair he hadn't bothered to cut in a long time, although he'd had time this morning to shave. Then he gazed at her again in wonder. Wonder with a heart that hurt like hell. When he touched Greer's cheek, something in him broke.
"Hello, Greer. You're very pretty…" was all he could say, all he could muster before the hazy shutters came down again and he was lost in the mist of his memories.
He heard Kathryn's words from afar, distant sounds that made sense and brought solace finally to his embattled soul. Words escaped him. He watched in a daze as Greer leaned over to him and kissed his cheek, then promptly slid out of her mother's arms and ran off again to play with the rest of the children.
Then he walked. He walked away from the crowd, away from movement, from voices, found a fallen tree stump near the stream. He sat down and stared into space, wondering if the gods were punishing him again or whether they blessed him. He felt Kathryn seat herself next to him. Through tears that resolutely remained in his eyes, he looked at her. Her hand rested on his shoulder, like a white dove of peace or the softest of butterflies.
"K-Kathryn…?" he stammered. "Greer?"
"She's yours, Chakotay," came the soft answer from Kathryn. "Soon after I returned from Venice that year, I discovered I was to have a child…"
"And Greaves?"
"I told him I couldn't marry him in the circumstances, told him of my condition. He told me he loved me enough for both of us, that he would gladly be the father of my child. And he was, Chakotay. He was a brilliant father to our child, never ever acted as if Greer didn't belong to him. He was so very proud of her.."
"I understand, you know?"
"I was praying that you would, my love," Kathryn said, leaning closer so that she rested her head against him.
"She looks like me…"
"Yes, she does. Down to the dimples. But I couldn't add another dimension to your life, Chakotay. Please understand. I wanted to tell you so badly, but decided that you had to get on with your life and repair what damage was done to your little family. If you knew about her…"
"I would have destroyed everything."
"Perhaps. Greer was a gift, Chakotay. I wanted her. I thought that I would have nothing of yours to be mine when I left Venice and then Greer came. It wasn't easy, in the beginning. It wasn't easy, and Horatio was exceptional in his support. Greer loved her father, Chakotay. She has known no other daddy. She doesn't know anything…"
That last sentence was said in a whisper when Kathryn sensed his own query.
His heart hammered. He leaned away so that he could look at her.
"I want her, Kathryn, I want you. I love you and I love Greer already. She…likes me, I think…"
On his deathbed, Horatio remained the honourable warrior to the last. He wanted me to ask you to take care of Greer, to be the father you were meant to be…to make you happy again…"
"You married a good man, Kathryn. I - I'm glad he was there for you. I'm sorry, so sorry about everything…"
"There's something else, Chakotay…"
"What is it?"
"Perhaps, when you're in Greer's company, she’ll tell you herself. It makes her more yours now than any other blood tie."
"We'll be here a few days. I'd like to get to know my daughter."
"I'd like that too, but she needs time, Chakotay. As I said, she loved her father, the man who raised her. She's just lost him and still sometimes cries in the night. Time, okay?"
"Will you marry me, Kathryn? I love you, with every last breath of my being. I cannot function without you."
Her eyes were sad, direct.
"I need to mourn, Chakotay. Horatio was a part of my life. A good part. He was a very good man and loved me unconditionally. He loved his little girl unconditionally."
"I understand," he answered, his throat thick with emotion as he pulled her close into his arms again.
They remained there for a few more minutes until Kathryn pulled him up and they walked back to the homestead.
He met them all - Phoebe, Blair, their children, Kathryn's mother Gretchen. They accepted him, because they wanted Kathryn to be happy again.
"We knew Greer had to be yours, Chakotay," Phoebe told him later. "Kathryn didn't want to disturb your home life again, but I can assure you that she was going to let Greer know when she was old enough."
He nodded mutely, too stunned by the turn of events, by everything that had taken place. With great surprise he saw Carina and Greer together, talking like they had known one another all their lives. Kathryn was never far from him, guiding him through the small cottage that they would occupy for a few days. There was much to be discussed, much to be done.
It was a very hot day and they had lunch outside on the lawn. The children all sat at one table while the adults occupied the other table. Carina and Celine had the smaller children under control and Tomaso was the big brother already. Chakotay gave a sigh. He'd have to let Shauneez know that Tomaso would remain on Earth and complete his schooling in San Francisco. It meant his sister was going to see very little of her eldest child.
He couldn't keep his eyes off Greer. It rocked him to know that he had another daughter and his heart burst with pride. He watched then as Greer made her way to their table and came to stand next to him.
"What is it, little one?" he asked, for she had the same curious look in her eyes again that she'd had earlier.
"I dreamed…" Greer said softly.
"You did, poppet?" he asked, smiling as Greer touched his thigh. He scooped her up so that she sat on his lap. She felt small, and he had memories of days when Carina had done the same thing at that age. "What did you dream about?"
Chakotay was aware that all eyes were on them. Kathryn smiled tenderly as if she knew something he didn't; Phoebe, her husband Blair and Gretchen's were indulgent.
"I dreamed of you."
"You dreamed of me? I was in your dream?"
He frowned.
"And you had long, long hair and wore a hat. Like this…" Greer spread her short arms to indicate the wide brim of the hat. He struggled to maintain his composure. His heart leapt suddenly like wild stallions galloping over sandy plains. He was not in her dream.
"Greer, did I tell you my name in your dream?" he asked.
"Uh-huh…"
"And?"
"Kolopak."
"Greer, it was my father you saw, okay?"
"Uh-huh."
Then Kathryn told Greer to join the others again. When she left, Kathryn took his hand in hers.
"The last two weeks, Chakotay, Greer has dreamed persistently, seeing Kolopak."
He couldn't speak anymore. And then right there, in the presence of the others, Chakotay blurted, "I love you, Kathryn."
Six months later he married Kathryn on the Bridge of Sighs in Venice.
******
END
EPILOGUE
Chakotay couldn't believe how quickly six months had passed since their marriage on the Bridge of Sighs. Finally he felt fulfilled and supremely happy. They had moved into a new, larger apartment which Kathryn had agreed to since she wanted to start completely fresh with him and the children.
His sand paintings graced the walls of the lounge and small foyer. A replica of the Renaissance style painting he had done in Venice in the picture gallery of the rebuilt cathedral took pride of place over the mantelpiece. It was Carina who told Kathryn that he had done the painting himself, in the style reminiscent of Tintoretto. At the time had he lied to Kathryn, telling her that he had commissioned another artist to do the painting. He had arrived six weeks before their week-long sojourn and started work on it. During that time, he had steadfastly remained anonymous, trying not to contact Kathryn.
He loved Kathryn with his very breath. He was glad that she asked for a period of mourning, because it was important for her as well as for Greer. She wanted to marry him after three months but he had been the one who told her that he would wait for her. And it had been a good decision. He got to know Greer better and Kathryn got to know Carina better. He had taken a job at the Academy after arranging his final departure from Dorvan and Polarya. He wanted to be near Kathryn and Greer with the freedom of seeing them whenever he wished.
They had all visited Horatio's grave one day and he had silently thanked the deceased man for his faith in Kathryn and the fact that he had, as he lay dying, given his blessing on a marriage between Kathryn and Chakotay.
They consummated their union only on their wedding night and again he felt humbled by her generosity. Most nights he clung to her, shivering, afraid that she would leave, or that he hadn't given her pleasure. Then she'd smile and assure him over and over that she loved him desperately, had never stopped loving him and that he'd better get used to her being in his bed forever.
He had laughed.
It was something that still surprised Carina who would tell him that she had never heard him laugh like that.
They were a family at last. Carina had quickly taken to calling Kathryn "Mom" and he was glad that they hit it off so well. He had always thought Carina to be much like Kathryn and seeing them together was evidence of that assertion. Carina was more Kathryn's daughter than she had been Seven of Nine's. She loved Kathryn wholeheartedly and loved Greer just as much. She had known before he did himself that Greer was his child, because she had seen pictures of Greer in the home Kathryn had shared with Horatio Greaves and had seen the likeness, although at the time she hadn't told Kathryn of her suspicions.
Kathryn had decided to take the name Janeway again; Greer could make her own decision later when she felt like it. He thought that that day would not be long in coming. Greer had latched on to him as naturally as she had Horatio, the father who raised her to her fifth year.
Carina had two more years of schooling while Tomaso was in his senior year now. Tomaso and Miral Paris were in the same class, something he hated because he didn't like Miral Paris. They were always fighting, arguing over silly things. Both Tomaso and Miral were on the school's Parisees Squares team, but Carina had opted for velocity. She had excellent hand-eye coordination and in that she resembled her natural mother.
Tomaso lived with them now but would soon become a cadet. He and Carina had gone to the Paris home for the weekend. Asked why Tomaso had agreed to go when he and Miral were always fighting, he had given them a sheepish grin and shrugged his shoulders. Tomaso was still as protective as ever of Carina though, even as she complained that she didn't need his protection. It all sounded too familiar to him, with Kathryn even now complaining that he wanted to do too much for her.
"I can't help it, sweetheart," he told Kathryn. "I have fifteen years to catch up."
It was a quiet evening. Greer had been all over them before dinner time, peppering them with questions and stories about her new school. That was something else. Greer had started school soon after his arrival on Earth and he had felt humbled when she asked if he could accompany her on the first day of school.
Kathryn had been extremely busy at the office and needed time to recharge. He had massaged her feet, rubbed away her niggling headache.
"Will you tuck Greer in, please?" she had asked.
He had given a sigh and told her he'd do so with pleasure.
Greer.
He loved his daughter. It had been a monumental shock the day he found out about her, and when the dust had settled, he couldn't stop looking at her.
When he and Kathryn married, she had asked plaintively, "Are you going to be my new daddy, now?"
"Yes, poppet."
"Oh. Okay."
And that had been all. He didn't resent that she still was not as spontaneous with him as he had hoped. When she told him that she had dreamed of Kolopak again, he had patiently explained to her about vision quests and dreams. She had sat opposite him, her black hair and bangs cut perfectly straight and her eyes had been wide with wonder.
But Horatio Greaves raised her, and he had raised her well. Still, he felt the odd twinge of hurt that she couldn't call him anything but Uncle Chakotay. Kathryn had told him it was too soon for her, perhaps. While Carina had had three years in which to find closure on her mother's death, Greer had only just lost her father. He didn't want to force anything and hoped that it would be spontaneous one day.
He gave Kathryn a kiss on the cheek before he walked to Greer's room.
She was sitting up on the bed, her feet over the side and she looked wide awake.
"Can't you sleep, honey?"
"Will you tell me a story, please? Like you did for Carina when she was little?"
"Did Carina tell you which story she liked best?"
"Uh-huh…"
"Let me guess: it's the story of two - "
"Angry Warrior…"
Chakotay looked into Greer's eager eyes. She was smiling at him. When he indicated that she get under the blanket, she scrambled like lightning, pulling the cover right under her chin. Chakotay chuckled. Carina had done pretty much the same. He couldn't resist caressing Greer's cheek and smoothing the hair away from her face. Despite her tan, her lips were rosy. She smelled like baby too. His heart burned with love for this child.
"Once, there was a warrior…" he started, smiling again at how eager Greer looked. Her hand reached from under the cover to touch his.
The words rolled from his lips, every word remembered as he had once told it to Kathryn a lifetime ago on New Earth. By the time he came to the end of the story, Greer's eyes were beginning to droop.
"Did that really happen, Uncle Chakotay?"
Chakotay thought of his life and of Kathryn's, and how he would protect her with his life. This wasn't just a legend told to make their situation easier. It was real.
"Yes, sweetheart. It really happened."
"And you were the warrior?"
"Yes."
"And Mommy was the princess?"
"Oh, yes…"
"I like that," she replied with a smile that touched the very heart strings.
"Now, go to sleep, little one. We're leaving tomorrow for Indiana, remember?"
Greer lay quiet for a few seconds. Then she held her arms to him in a sleepy gesture. He scooped her in a gentle hug.
"I love you, Greer."
"I love you too, Papa…"
***********************
END
vanhunks
July 2006