Palimpsest:
Privation of the soul's needs
Third story in the series
by
vanhunks
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Paramount owns the characters Janeway and Chakotay.
SUMMARY: After Annika left, Chakotay wrote Kathryn a letter, telling her of his loneliness. Kathryn, who hadn't seen Chakotay in three years, makes a decision to visit him.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
1) This is the third story in the Palimpsest Series. Although this story can stand on its own, it would be a good idea to read the preceding two stories.
2) I've been in my classical mood the past few days creating and crafting this story, and listened quite extensively to Chopin's nocturnes, in particular, Lento Sostenuto. Also Beethoven's Symphony No. 1 in C Major.
3) This story was written in response to Gilly's Wet-Fic Challenge.
PALIMPSEST: PRIVATION OF THE SOUL'S NEEDS
It rained.
Soft, sifting drops that met with the warm
earth; little dust clouds drifted from the ground and hovered, allowing the
newest drops to filter through them and creating rainbow billows that turned
everything around her into a fairytale world. She gave a slight shiver, hugging
her arms for a moment, then dropping them again to her sides. Her blue
short-sleeved dress was already clinging to her, but she didn't mind the rain.
Not today, not now that there was purpose to her walk. She welcomed the mild
drizzle, and once, she lifted her face to the sky and just stood, letting her
face be bathed in glistening beads. A smile formed on her lips. Once before, she
stood like that in a memory, and a man had bent over her and kissed away the
drops of rain from her face. In spite of the cold that day, she had felt his
warmth suffusing her too.
Taking a deep breath Kathryn made her way across
the red terrain to the platform that jutted over the edge of the canyon. Through
the rain mist she had seen him and her heart had given a wild lurch,
refusing to settle into beating evenly again. Even through the haze she
could see his hands were on the railing of the platform, his still figure
appearing pensive as he stared out over the canyon.
It had not been difficult to track him. She had
known he was stationed here - a remote outpost of Federation space Chakotay had
chosen for his archaeological work.
They
wanted to be as far away from Earth as possible... as far from me...
Chakotay and Seven had made their home here. He
hadn't said anything in his letter about Seven's current whereabouts, only that
she left him and that they were formerly separated. If she checked, she would
probably have found out, but...she sighed. Chakotay would tell her that himself.
What could she expect from her meeting with Chakotay? He asked her to reply to
his letter, nothing more.
I
await your answer...
It was Phoebe who encouraged her to go to Chakotay, to see him personally. Kathryn gave a tired little smile as she remembered Phoebe's words.
Go
home. Go home to Chakotay.
Home was Chakotay's heart. She had never had any hope of walking a path to his heart again. Once, she supposed, she had been there, and once, she had left it. The last three years had gone by swiftly, unnoticed. Yet her only awareness of time passing was not her work at Headquarters, but the constant ache of the void inside her. Sometimes, she had wondered how it was possible that an emptiness could hold so much dark pain. Her days were marked on her calendar by the association of events. A dull pain when it was her birthday and she would lie in her bed that night, holding the analogue watch he had given her, falling into a restless sleep with the ticking marking the passing of time until the morning, when grey light filtered through her window. On other days, the pain was there, a fond remembrance of New Earth and his look of childish pride when he had shown her the tub he built her. Yes, the ache was there, reminding her constantly of what she had given away.
How did she get through the last three years?
She gave a sigh. All that was over, now. Chakotay's request had been specific. Once before, he told her: "I love you" and all she had replied was, "Not now, Chakotay..."
"Not ever, Kathryn?" he asked after that.
She had never given him a direct answer, and most times after that she had been evasive, afraid to trust her own instincts, afraid to trust him...
Now he had made a request. Unequivocal, it stood before her like a well-lit beacon and all she had to do was walk towards it. Not for him now evasiveness, half-teases, unanswered questions. He needed to be sure, and she needed to give him that assurance in equal and unambiguous measure.
The villagers had only pointed towards the canyon. She could see the curiosity in their eyes. She wanted to see a man called Chakotay.
"He stands there every day."
"He waits there..."
An old woman had given Kathryn a long, contemplative look, then declared:
"He was lonely, even when he had someone by his side..."
Seven...
Kathryn declined the covering they offered her. She thanked them and followed a rough trail, not minding that her shoes got scuffed, or the light breeze lifted the skirt of her dress and lapped it against her ankles, or that the light sifting drizzle left silver sparkles in her hair until her head looked like it was covered with a lacy white cap. Still, it was humid; she wasn't cold, didn't shiver anymore. The only shiver came from the anticipation of seeing Chakotay again for the first time in three years.
She gave a deep sigh and trudged on. His letter
had given her hope, so much that she had walked around for two days just
becoming used to the idea that he needed her. They had parted amicably three
years ago, and once again, she had set the conditions of that parting and he? He
accepted it, like he accepted every decision she had made in their years on
Voyager. He had challenged her, yes, fought her and warned her of the folly of
her decisions - those ones that she thought in retrospect,
could have been done differently - she made for ship and crew. Then, when
they came home, it was all she could do not to hurl herself in his arms and beg
that he take her and reveal her own feelings for him. She had seen Seven of Nine
standing next to him, a smile on her normally impassive face and knew that Seven
was happy with her man. She had spoken to Chakotay earlier, in her ready room,
steeling herself for that meeting with her first officer - her confidant, her
friend...best friend. It was the last time they had been alone.
"Captain..."
She knew then. His address had been formal. He
could very well have given her news about the specifications of the next D-
class planet, not pull her foundations from her, not act like they had never had
a history, never kissed, never made love, never had New Earth. She had been cold
then, for days...for weeks...
"What is it, Chakotay?" she asked, yet
knowing what he wanted to tell her. She had seen them wandering off to the
holodeck, sitting alone in the observation lounge, walking along the corridors
with his hand against the small of her back. Once, she had seen them kiss and
something had wrenched her heart, twisting her inside. It had taken superhuman
effort to remain impassive and not show how it shattered her. His quarters were
next to hers... She heard their sounds...
Yes, she had known.
"I thought I should tell you that Seven and
I will be married as soon as we dock, Captain."
He had wanted to spare her the embarrassment of
performing the ceremony herself, on board Voyager. He knew how it would destroy
her; he knew how she felt, but she had put those damned parameters in place.
"You don't need to tell me, Commander, or
seek my permission."
"I'd like to know I have your permission,
as a member of this crew, and your blessing, as my closest friend..."
Closest friend... How could that remain? How?
"Chakotay..." she said, trying to keep
her voice as even as she could. Inside her it felt as if her whole world had
been knocked off its axis when he told her he was marrying Seven of Nine. It was
not wholly unexpected, his announcement, but it rocked her nonetheless when it
came. She had thought - foolishly - that she held him prisoner in her heart;
that she was the only human he could ever have feelings for and that he would
never turn to look at another person even if he could never have his Captain by
his side forever. Yes, she had been foolish and arrogant, deluding herself into
thinking Chakotay would not marry anyone else if he couldn't have Kathryn. She
had not realised how difficult it was to share... So she mustered her courage
and blessed her rigid Starfleet training that she could sound normal when she
replied. She even sounded happy for them, endorsed by her smile. "Of
course, you have my blessing."
"Thank you. It means a lot to me that my
Captain and closest friend approves of my decision."
"You're welcome." She died by the
minute. He had given her one of his dimpled smiles. The turmoil continued to
rage in her. She couldn't tell him, couldn't share her innermost fears with him,
couldn't tell him then that she loved him and wanted to be by his side forever.
No, not anymore. It was too late. Too late. She couldn't tell him in the seven
years they spent in the Delta Quadrant, so why, when he was about to marry Seven
of Nine, did it hurt her so?
"I - " she started, her voice trailing
away. She was certain he cocked his head as if he wanted to hear some revelation
from her. "I will attend the wedding, Chakotay, if that's okay."
"But?"
How had he known? Had she given herself away,
then? Had her foolish heart betrayed her and for one second he had seen her
pain?
"You know..." she said hoarsely,
"it will be - be difficult, you understand?"
He had given her a severe nod, pursed his lips
before he gave a sigh and spoke again.
"We'll be leaving for Ketarcha Prime
immediately after the wedding, Kathryn."
The agreement that they not see one another, not
even officially, had never been vocalised, but both understood. She would not
have to see him; she would not have to see them together, never hear his laugh
or see Seven smiling at him... She had attended the wedding. Annika Hansen look
beautiful with a heated ice only Kathryn thought she understood. Chakotay and
Annika Hansen left for Ketarcha Prime and then life went on at Starfleet
Headquarters. Kathryn's days rolled into nights, seasons changed and years
passed. Her legacy: crow's feet at her eyes and grey streaks in her hair, a
persistent droop to her shoulders - emaciated human who was skin and bone and
whom the cadets feared. Straggly hair and a wet dress with damp shoulder pads to
hide her privation.
Now, her new days were about to start again, and
this time events may be marked by happiness, a
fullness in her heart. Those occasions will be
tinged sometimes by a sadness that someone who had once been a child, someone
who had embraced her humanity fearlessly enough and become greater than
any human Kathryn had known, gave Chakotay
the gift of experiencing Joy again.
Chakotay stood with his back to her.
Kathryn approached the platform and paused about
ten metres away. She gave a sigh. A sudden feeling of 'what if' assailed her.
The feeling was dispelled as she thought of his words: help
me write the chapters of my life. Then she gathered her courage and walked
again, a few steps until she was standing just off the platform. Only then
Chakotay turned, slowly. For a heartstopping moment Kathryn thought he didn't
recognise her, but the distant look in his eyes slowly changed as he emerged
from his reverie and focus, the recognition dawning.
The rain came down. She didn't care how wet she
was, how her hair looked or that she was tired or that her dress clung to her
thin body, or that she started shivering again. His name rushed quivering from
her lips.
"Chakotay..."
*
It rained.
He had not been aware if it. He was never aware
whenever he stood here on the platform that offered a view over the magnificent
canyon. He built the platform himself, drawn to the vastness of the canyon with
its river bed down in the austere depths - silent, grand... It gave him a sense
that he was here so close to the spirits...to God... It awed him still. So he
came here most days to think; Kathryn
always crowded his thoughts, so that the fullness of her memory made him forget
about warm rain and cold and water that dripped into his neck.
He turned when her heard the crunch of stone
behind him. He had been dreaming of her. Sometimes he cried out her name when
his yearning for her became so intense that he couldn't breathe. Then the sound
would echo over the canyon and the cries of the circling condors would join his.
Kathryn...Kathryn...Kathryn...
It had been almost two weeks since he wrote her.
He had not expected her to reply. He had not
expected anything. He wanted her to know how he still felt; he wanted to tell
her of his loneliness, of the deep ache inside him that never, in the ten years
he had known her, left his body.
Kathryn stood before him - wet, beloved,
beautiful and...afraid.
She was also alarmingly thin, to the point of
being ill.
He had not expected her, but her arrival did not
shock him. It was as if his thoughts of her, all his dreams and his desolate
yearning had simply continued into the realm of reality and she emerged as a
part of his dream, to stand at the edge of the platform waiting for him in her
blue dress.
This time he could touch her. She looked tired,
he thought idly. Tired and afraid. Why was she afraid? He wanted her, missed her
so fiercely. All she had to do was... He felt something in him give. It broke
loose in the pit of his belly and swelled and rose, bubbled into his heart and
traveled through his body. He trembled, astonished at the knowledge that grew in
him..
Kathryn Janeway needed him. Everything in her
stance confirmed that fact. She needed him...needed him...needed him...
"Come here, Kathryn," he whispered
softly.
Kathryn came forward. Chakotay didn't open his
arms in the grand reconciliation of welcoming a long lost friend. He didn't
break into broad smiles that his old friend whom he hadn't seen in three years
had come to visit him. He didn't rush to haul her into his arms like he had
dreamed too many nights.
He held his hand to her and she placed her hand
in his - her dainty, trembling hand that came to rest on his palm, wet and
welcome. He noted her hair, streaked with grey, yet she wasn't old. He noted her
tired eyes that sparked again. He noted her mouth that couldn't curve into a
smile. He noted her blue dress of a long ago memory.
His hand left hers, momentarily breaking the
connection between them, only to touch her temple, brush away her wet hair. She
pressed her lips against his hand, her own hand covering his.
"Come, Kathryn..." he ordered softly
as his arms closed protectively around her shoulders and he pulled her to him.
He kissed her damp forehead, closing his eyes as he remembered another time,
long ago, when they stood in a forest glade and kissed. "We must go
home..."
They walked back to the village, close together,
her arm around his waist, and he, occasionally kissing her hair as they walked.
"Chakotay..." she started as they
neared his home. Her eyes suddenly clouded, becoming sad again.
"Yes, my love?"
"Your - your letter...":
"It is as it should be, Kathryn," he
whispered as he pressed her to him, his breath fanning her face even as the rain
soaked his kisses and left little droplets on their faces.
They entered his home quietly, Chakotay holding
Kathryn still very close to him. She wanted to stop, to look at him with a
thousand questions in her eyes.
"Chakotay..."
"Shhh..." he commanded, walking with
her to the bathroom. He bent down to take off her shoes, pressing his own off as
well. When he straightened up again, he smiled gently. "You're cold and
wet," he said, feeling how she shivered. He turned on the shower and warm
spray filled the cubicle.
"I'm still dressed," she said softly
as he pressed her into the cubicle.
"Me too. It's better this way," he
replied as the water sprayed over them and he unbuttoned the front of her dress,
his hand touching her breast lightly.
"I remember...on New Earth...we were like
this..."
"Yes, my love..."
Kathryn's lips parted as she gave herself over
to the heat of the water and the heat of his touch on her skin. Very slowly he
pushed the dress off her shoulders, down her waist until the garment lay on the
shower tray. Then followed her undergarments. Kathryn's eyes closed as
Chakotay's fingers stroked her smooth, slick skin; he caressed her ankles as he pushed away the final barrier. He
rose, his hair plastered to his head, water streaming down his face, his lips...
"Now mine, Kathryn..." he whispered, his eyes burning into hers.
Chakotay closed his eyes, revelling in the feel
of the water on his skin, and the heat of Kathryn's touch that seared fiercer
that the hot spray and steam that filled the shower. He gasped as her hands
pulled his shirt away from him and drew in his breath sharply as Kathryn
unclasped his belt and she pressed his trousers away from his hips. Her hands
fluttered over his crotch and he gave a cry of pain. Kathryn stopped
immediately, her hands stilling above his already aroused shaft. His eyes flew
open. Kathryn stared at him with eyes that had become heavy with desire,
responding to his own heated need.
"Wait..." he said, delaying the
intense torture of her nearness, the sensual, smoky look in her eyes.
Quickly he pushed the wet clothing out of the
cubicle. In a little corner bracket, he took the bottle of shampoo and squeezed
some in his hand. He squirmed deliciously while Kathryn's lips scorched a path
over his chest, her teeth grazing his nipples that even in the heat of the spray
had become rock-hard nodes ready for her to clamp her teeth on. His mind was
almost lost in a swirling vortex as Kathryn's hands caressed his back, her
fingers kneading into his buttocks. When she looked up at him, for a moment
breaking her intense concentration of ministering his body, he groaned, and then
tried to maintain a little control as he rubbed the shampoo into her hair.
This time it was Kathryn's little moans he heard
as he rubbed the soapy liquid into her hair, then allowed the water to rinse
her. She turned her face to him and he kissed her - a deep, reverent kiss, while
the soapy water coursed down her body in streaks until they dissipated on the
floor. Around them the steam rose as the water cleansed their bodies; he pressed
himself into her so that she could finally feel how ready he was for her. He
smoothed her hair with his fingers, watched with simple pleasure how she tried
to press her lips to them, greedily searching for his hands. Her pressed her
hips into him and Kathryn trembled violently then, giving a soft little sob as
Chakotay began to worship her, allowing the warm rain to heal them both again.
He had been cold, many times. The cold had
settled in him and became a companion to his loneliness. Now, the searing spray
warmed him again and Kathryn's body held tightly against his own, gave him back
his own. She took his body, gave it heat and love and peace, and then she
returned his body to him. Her mouth was open as he pressed her to him - short
gasps and soft expellation of pleasure that kept his head thrown back in prayer.
They were sometimes soft touches, a kiss on
closed eyelids, a gentle hip of an ear lobe. Then there were kisses on her
mouth, waiting as the water mingled with their breaths, and their tears mingled
with the water so that none knew when water became tears and tears became water.
Sometimes he was unable to contain himself and then he would find infinite
pleasure in capturing one glowing pink aureole between hungry lips and suck
greedily for a few desperate moments in which he slaked his thirst and staved
his hunger only temporarily. Kathryn's head would be thrown back as her slick
skin invited him to feast and he'd slide down her body and find the most
intimate core of her. Once, she cried out desperately as his mouth found her
eager tender folds and parted them and her whole body tensed as the pleasure of
falling over the canyon's edge sent her reeling unafraid into its depths.
Chakotay's mouth would remain there as he waited for her shudders to subside
before he slid up her wet body again and found her mouth.
When at length he would release her, he'd wait
in agonised anticipation as Kathryn found little pleasure spots he had long
forgotten he had. The hollow of his neck became an erotic stimulus that
set alight other parts of his body with electric shocks. Punctuating with
tiny fluttering kisses the lines of his tattoo; each kiss thought light,
magical, still riveting her love into him permanently. Her tongue that dipped
tantalisingly into his navel made him cry out as he braced his hands against the
walls of the shower. Chakotay relished with breathless pleasure the erotic feel
of water on his skin that merged with the light caresses of Kathryn's tongue all
over him. Her fingers pressed into his groin, and once he cried out loud as the
sensation almost catapulted him into releasing himself. With great effort he
held back, waiting for her, for he knew that in the next second, his shaft would
be held in tiny hands, and his tip would quiver with the touch of her tongue on
it.
Once, she paused and he stilled, then he cried
out brokenly that she continue.
Another wordless cry tore from him as the moist
heat of her mouth enveloped him and for the next few minutes Chakotay was drunk
with passion; blinding flashes continued unabated as the sensation of sucking,
gripping and grazing teeth rocked him until he lost all control. Chakotay melted
into a fireball that not even the merciful steaming spray of the water over them
could douse. He burned, flames overpowered him and made him scream out for
release. He had no idea where he was, no idea who he was for he was lost in a
thousand sparks of fire that spread through him, shot outside him and turned him
into the fire itself. He only sensed with a glorious, fearless
joy that he was joined with Kathryn and that she welcomed him, pressed
him closer into her and owned him for all time as he exploded helplessly then
pitched over forward with no hope of stopping his pleasured plunge over the
cliffs of their canyon of love.
His cries joined the cries of the condors of
Ketarcha - Kathryn...Kathryn...Kathryn...
He shuddered for endless seconds after that, and
only when he felt Kathryn's lips on his own, did he realise that she had slid
her body snake-like wet up along his own, scored his manhood for delicious
moments of aftershocks before finally resting against him, exhausted. .
Only then Chakotay turned off the water and the
remaining steam enveloped them, just like the haze of mist outside at the
canyon's edge sifted down on them. He caught his hand in her hair and pulled her
head back, kissing the hollow in her neck, a touch that lingered and made her
sigh with happiness. He held her to him as he climbed out of the cubicle and one
hand unhook the bath sheet that
hung on a bracket just outside the shower. Very gently he rubbed her hair,
smiling as her lips pressed into his skin. Then he wrapped Kathryn in the towel.
She looked up at him, her eyes filled with joy. Chakotay lifted her and carried
her to his bed.
"Chakotay, we must t - "
"Shhh....Kathryn," he whispered,
pressing warm lips to her forehead. She gave a deep, contented sigh as she freed
her hands from the towel and hugged him to her. "In the morning, we can
talk..." he said softly, smiling as she tried to look disappointed, her
body already pressing into his, clamouring again for completion. The message in
her eyes was clear, unequivocal. She looked wanton, loved, with soft, smoky eyes
that went dark with passion as she held his gaze. He groaned, closed his eyes
momentarily at the power of her trust in him. Then he opened his eyes again and
kissed her tenderly on her forehead.
"Let me love you..." he commanded as
he removed the towel from her. Her body waited for him, her legs already parted,
her hands already cupping his face as she pulled him over her. For one
breathless second he just stared at her.
"I love you, Chakotay..."
"Oh, Kathryn, my Kathryn! How my days and nights were filled with longing
for you!" Chakotay cried as he buried himself in her and then sobbed
against her bosom as Kathryn welcomed him.
***
The grey dawn filtered through the bedroom
window as Kathryn opened her eyes. She lay on her back, listening to the soft
music that filled the room. Fingers darted over black and white keys of a grand
piano; water droplets sounding like silver bells rolled and bounded and cavorted
gently into the soft strains of a Chopin nocturne. Lento Sostenuto...Kathryn remembered vaguely. Chakotay liked Chopin;
she loved Mahler... Kathryn smiled. Just one night in Chakotay's arms and
already she was feeling cosseted and cherished by him. She had forgotten how
protective he had always been; forgotten how he always put her needs first, no
matter how small they were. Her mildest request, even just a passing thought
expressed aloud, and he would be there in the next moment, doing something for
her. And always, he would say: "I promised I'd take care of you,
Kathryn."
Her hand went immediately to the place next to
her. It was empty, the tangled sheets and faint lingering smell of their
lovemaking the only sign that he had shared the night with her. Her body still
tingled and she smiled at the memory of their sharing. She touched her tender
breasts, fingers fluttering lightly over her nipples that had been hungrily
sucked upon countless times during the night. She stroked her skin, her fingers
splaying over her belly, gliding down to her centre where she could still feel
the slight soreness of their lovemaking. How many times had Chakotay claimed her
body? How many times had she clamoured to be completed by him?
When he had taken her -
still with their clothes on -
into the shower, it brought back vividly her memories of New Earth - memories
she had stored in her heart and kept locked away so that the layer of ice that
formed over it, could never thaw and make her wish she had not been so afraid.
There, on New Earth, on cold days when she had been outside, caught perhaps in
the rain - Chakotay had not needed many excuses - he would walk her into their
shower and drench her further with warm water, slowly stripping the clothes from
their bodies. Later, they would tumble into her bed and all night long he would
make love to her... Those were memories that hurried back to her conscious,
thawed by Chakotay's love when he walked her into the shower last night. It was
as familiar as his beloved tattoo was part of him. Her body remembered him. It
was as simple as that.
Many times they cried during the night; many
times he lifted her and consoled her, kissing away her halting attempts to say
sorry for all the hurt and all his waiting. He hadn't wanted her to feel any
He needed her. She needed him. The years between
fell away like mist dissolved by the blessed sun and everything was reaffirmed
in kisses, in joining of bodies that made them both weep with joy, and the
humble knowledge that they had been given a rare gift by a great person: to live
again.
He told her his life was a palimpsest, that the
only part of it he wanted to rewrite was to have her help him write the rest of
it. Chakotay had hungered, endured privation of his soul just like she had.
Mistakenly, perhaps, she had thought that he was happy, and that she could never
endure to see him happy with another human soul. How could she know that he
hungered and thirst for her these three years? They had been friends, lovers
once. He knew her like no other person did.
But he made a decision, and for a while perhaps,
he had been...contented.
She had to get on with her life, for whatever it
was worth without the man she loved by her side.
She had been empty, constantly thirsty.
"As
the deer longs for flowing streams..." the
words of an ancient psalm came to her.
"My
tears have been my food day and night..."
Yes, she thought. Like that Chakotay had been
and like that she had been. Not within the hours of the night could they slake
their thirst and appease their hunger, but what they took from each other, was
enough, for the moment. They had the rest of their lives to drink from the
fountain of their eternal love and find sustenance and healing.
The rest of their lives.
Yesterday... She had been a little afraid when
she went to him, and by the time his arms were protectively around her,
shielding her from the sifting drizzle, she knew that he would protect her all
her life.
The musical interlude had ended and by the time
the next nocturne started, Kathryn rose, stretching languorously, giving a long
yawn as she did so. She studied her arms, so thin, and touched her jutting
collarbone. Once during the night, Chakotay cried out that she was only skin and
bone... She had an idea that strawberries and cream would be on her breakfast
menu... On New Earth she had grown strawberries right next to her tomato patch.
Kathryn was surprised to see a cream-coloured
robe at the end of the bed. Her mouth curved into a smile. She wondered when
Chakotay rose, but knew that he must have replicated the robe for her. Her
luggage was still in her shuttle at the launching pads. Slipping the robe on,
she tied the sash and padded barefoot from the bedroom, leaving the music
playing. Tentatively she walked, not knowing the outlay of his abode, but she
stopped dead in her tracks when she entered what she thought was the lounge.
Chakotay was sitting on the floor, his hand
covering an akoonah.
It was a hallowed moment; her presence was
intrusive. He faced her, his eyes closed and only his lips moved as if he spoke
to someone. Kathryn waited, then suddenly ached when a tear rolled down
Chakotay's cheek. She wanted to break the sacred silence,
wanted to hug him and assure him of her presence. It seemed Chakotay
already sensed her as he stirred, his hand still on the akoonah.
"Come, Kathryn..." he spoke softly,
and only when she sat down next to him, he opened his eyes.
Chakotay looked at her soberly, his eyes clear
of pain, clear of the many clouds that had been there in the moments he stared
at her the previous day, before he recognised her. His hand left the akoonah,
covering hers. She touched his cheek where the lone tear rolled down, wiped away
the dampness.
"I disturbed your quest..." she said
softly, her voice sounding apologetic.
"My quest has ended, my love. I was just
telling my father that I found you..."
"I will not leave you. Never again."
Her voice sounded firm, giving him once again an assurance of her place at his
side.
"I know, my Kathryn." He gave her a
smile, touched her cheek tenderly with the back of his hand.
"I will stay here with you," she said
as her eyes closed at his touch.
"Look at me, Kathryn."
Her eyes flew open.
"I will return to Earth, with you. My work
here is completed."
Her heart bounded with joy. With Chakotay by her
side...who knows?
"I want everything, Kathryn," Chakotay
said quietly.
Understanding was instinctive. Didn't they know
one another's bodies? Didn't they have a sharing of minds? Wasn't he the
completion of her soul? With him by her side, everything was possible. With him
by her side, she would never thirst again, never again be like the lonely deer
that longed for cool water streams. Kathryn leaned over to kiss him - a deep
lingering kiss. When she broke off the kiss, his eyes smouldered, but the
question in them remained.
"I always thought of having children with
you, Chakotay..."
***
END
Reference to the psalm:
Psalm 42 v 1 - 2 [Standard Revised Edition]
Click here for the fourth story "Coming home"