A woman of excellence

by

vanhunks

Summary: It's May 20, Kathryn's birthday. Chakotay reflects on the years of happiness he shared with Kathryn.  

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Voyager, Kathryn and Chakotay. This story is mine.

 Rating: G

Author's Note:

1. Three things inspired the writing of this story. On August 9 we celebrate National Women's Day, a national holiday for us.

2. I recently attended the birthday celebrations of a very good familyfriend and fellow congregant. The praise and worship theme for the evening was from Proverbs 31: A Woman of Excellence. Thirdly,

3. I dusted off my old vinyl collection of "100 Great melodies the World Loves Best" and the first track I played, was Mario Lanza's rendition of "I love thee."

A WOMAN OF EXCELLENCE

Today is May 20 - an auspicious day. Even though you always claim it is not important, or that you forget, I see how your eyes light up when I give you a very special gift. That first time, so many years ago, it was a watch.

"Happy birthday, Kathryn," I said

You looked at me a little bemused.

"It's May 20th."

We were flying through Krenim space then and you told me you'd forgotten it was your birthday. Since then, it has become our own private little joke. Every year when I say, "It's May 20," you reply with: "Oh, I've forgotten."

It brings a smile to my face, and a warm feeling in my heart. On this special day each year, when I wish you on your birthday, you give me this really long hug. Your arms wind round my neck, you rest your head against my chest and you would be quiet. My lips brush against your hair, and can I feel your breath on my hand as my fingers caress your cheeks.

Words. What are they when touch and feel can convey so much? I know your heartbeat as you stand in my embrace and my hands caress your hair. It tells me everything that is important to me. It tells me that you love me.

Now I look at you as you sit on the wide couch in the lounge. We have added an extra celebration many years ago, when I put my ring on your finger, on May 20. The children surround you, and the grandchildren's voices rise high above the conversations of their parents. You are bathed in their love, in their undying devotion to you. You touch each child in turn, speak a few words to each one. You look at them with so much pride in your eyes!

I smile again. I swear Kolopak will be court-martialed just for breaking his journey into deep space to be here today.

"Dad, how could I stay away on this day? It's tradition! Besides, how many times will Mom be seventy-five?"

"There was a time she didn't want to move past fifty!"

"Oh yes, I remember that day. Mom was in tears, Zannah and I had to assure her over and over that she didn't have one grey hair, that she still looked beautiful and that we have a surprise gift for her."

"Kolopak, you were only nine years old!

"All encouraged by you, Dad, who still knows how to keep Mother happy..."

Now I see, Kathryn, how you look at Kolopak, and my heart bursts its banks of happiness. You touch his face so tenderly, your fingers trembling as they trace the lines of his tattoo. He had taken that tattoo on his fifteenth birthday. You were so happy for me. For me! I thought then that your happiness was for Kolopak. But how well you know me. You knew how I shunned my heritage when I was fifteen. You knew how I hurt my own father for denying what has never left my blood. Now that blood flows so strongly through our son - our son who had embraced my traditions with so much of the warrior in him too. You always said Kolopak is my son, yet I know how much of you is in him! Did you know then when you yourself named him for my own father, that one day he'd have his tattoo like mine, his medicine bundle?

"You know, Chakotay, it's only my eyes he inherited..."

"Ah, but he'll not have a Kathryn!" I would tell you. "A Kathryn like you!"

"And he shouldn't look for one, Chakotay," you would tell me with just that little hint of censure in your voice.

How we both laughed when Kolopak did indeed come home with his own Catherine.

"With a C, Mom," Kolopak said when you raised one elegant eyebrow and I couldn't stifle a laugh. "The soft Catherine," he continued and poor Catherine looked about her, so flustered and embarrassed.

How wonderful! I just knew you would do it. Like so many years ago, on Voyager, when you would hug B'Elanna, or Kes, or little Naomi, later even Seven... You took young Catherine in your arms and kissed her forehead.

"Welcome to the family, Catherine," you said, "I know just how you'll manage to keep Kolopak in line." You looked at me then when you said that, and gave me a mock scowl.

Yes... You extended your love and your caring to everyone around you. You were the mother to most, the sister to many, the captain, the leader to a valiant crew who respected you and were your most loyal followers.

You never did think in those days on Voyager, that your crew could love you so, did you? You believed then that they could never be loyal to you after you, as you said to me so many times, "stranded all of us in this lonely quadrant."

Did you think that there would be a time when the crew would willingly have been court-martialed because they disobeyed your orders?

"We can never leave our Captain behind," Neelix said.

And Seven? "I will not comply."

I get this stab of pleasure and pride when I think of that day. All stood so proud facing you.

When you walked past me to take your place in the command chair and you whispered, "You told them," I smiled. I knew then that the ring I carried would be on your finger not long after that. I loved you then, and in those moments I knew that the first time I saw you on the viewscreen of my little ship, that my destiny would be sealed forever, forever be linked and woven with yours.

Something - someone tugs at my leg and I look down. I bend to pick little Kathryn up. She looks so like you, my Kathryn, with her blue eyes and golden brown hair, the same twist to her mouth when she smiles. I am amazed at this four year old, Zannah's daughter, who wants to emulate you. "One day, Grandpa, I'll wear a red uniform!"

"Grandpa," she whispers in my ear. Her breath is hot against my skin, and ticklish. She cups her mouth as she bends towards me.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"Are you going to sing for Grandma?"

I smile at her, and in that moment you look up at me, Kathryn. You see me whisper to little Kathryn, and in your eyes I see your understanding; I see the little half-smile that forms before you turn your attention to Zannah and Aren again.

"Yes, little Kathryn," I tell our grandchild, "I'm going to sing for Grandma."

How well I remember the first time I sang! It was on May 20, a few months after we successfully cleared the void. A few days before that, Tom and a delegation approached me where I had been enjoying some time off in Sandrine's...

******

"Come on, Commander, you've got to do this. It will be less than a minute long."

They looked liked they had decided what I was going to do.  

"And I tell you, Tom, I don't perform before a crowd. I'm certainly not going to start now. Not even for my wedding - "

 Tom turned to his delegation for moral support. Not that he needed any support. I always thought Paris could do all his co-ercing on his own. They stood there, looking like they waited for Paris - B'Elanna, Neelix, Harry, Sam and Naomi.

"Think, Commander, what better gift can you give her for a birthday and wedding present than singing for her?"

"Yes," Neelix piped up, leaning forward over the table, "since you've refused a hundred times before. How much more will Captain Janeway appreciate it if you do..." He emphasised the word just for effect

Neelix's yellow eyes could be very persuasive. They bored into me, tickled me with their merriment and the air of expectancy about him.

"She'll think it would be a very courageous thing to do, since you've never done so before. And, she'll love you all the more for it," Harry said firmly.

"Commander Chakotay," said Naomi as she rose from her chair and stood on attention like an Academy cadet, "as Captain's Assistant for the past year, I hereby order you to comply..."

"You'd better," B'Elanna said. Hell, they had me cornered from the word go. But I did enjoy their gushing and pleading.

"You'd do well to comply, Commander," Seven's said.

Where has she sprung from suddenly? Did Paris co-opt her to deliver the coup d'etat? He grinned like  like a Cheshire cat. B'Elanna's smile had a little wicked twist to it. Neelix showed all his teeth and Seven... Why, Seven's mouth curved into a most beautiful smile. And Harry was holding Seven's hand.

"This is unbelievable," I told them, but my heart was filled with joy that they wanted me to honour Kathryn in a way I've never done before.

Naomi, to let me know she would go on her knees if possible to get me to comply, did just that. She clambered on the table, put her hands together, pouted engagingly and said in perfect childish entreaty:

"Pleaaaassssse."

Son of a gun Paris. They used a little girl to get at me. I capitulated. Naturally.

"Okay, fine. I'll do it," I sighed with great exaggeration

"Commander, you are to meet with me on Holodeck Two for a few rehearsals, starting tomorrow at 0900," Tom said, relief evident in his face.

"I'm warning you in advance, Paris. I can't sing. And, I've never liked to perform."

"Don't worry, Commander, you'll do just fine," Tom quipped.

The next few days were spent rehearsing with Tom, who was a dab hand at playing the piano. I don't think I could have been anything reaching the EMH's status as a fine tenor, but Paris kept saying, "You'll do just fine, Commander."

Then on the day of the wedding, just after Tuvok performed the ceremony Tom, my best man, walked to the piano. Kathryn asked urgently whether Tom was playing a special piece for us. I looked looked down at her, kissed her quickly and said, "It's for you..." I joined Tom at the piano before Kathryn could ask more questions.

I turned to face Kathryn. There was no one else in the room. My heart was racing and I took a deep breath

For you, my Kathryn. Only for you, I sing these words.

I felt Tom touch my shoulder and whisper, "Remember, she's the queen!"

I  had to smile at that. In dress uniform, Kathryn looked radiant. She was flanked by B'Elanna and Samantha, with Naomi dressed in a replica of Kathryn's "Dying Swan" dress. In Kathryn's eyes I could see that she knew how much courage it took for me me to do what I was going to do. And even if I croaked like a frog on this night, I knew that Kathryn would love me because I was courageous enough to do it. Greater courage than to hunt a black jaguar just to see its eyes on me.

I looked at Tom. "Ready?" he asked me.

I took another deep breath and nodded. Tom's fingers did a soft glissando over the keys before he played the opening bars of the introduction. It was the beautiful strains of Grieg's most famous love song. Tom lifted his fingers from the keyboard. It was the sign.

For you alone, my beautiful queen, my eyes tell Kathryn as I begin to sing.  

"Thou art my thoughts, present and my future

Thou are my heart's supreme, its only joy.

I love thee more than any earthly creature,

I love thee dear, I love thee dear

I love thee now and for eternity."

The silence in the room was deafening. I thought something was wrong with my singing after all. I saw the EMH close and open his mouth like a fish. When he could close his mouth, he all but ran to me to shake my hand vigorously.

"Commander, I never - "

I dropped the doctor's hand. I didn't even see him properly. My eyes were on Kathryn only. She looked surprised. In a few strides I reached her side. I felt close to tears. Her surprise had made way for pride. I kissed the back of her hand, never taking my eyes off her.

"I love you, Kathryn."  Was there suddenly a frog in my throat? Kathryn's eyes were shining. She rose to kiss me, on my mouth, a deep, lingering kiss right in front the the crew.

"Thank you, my love," she breathed as she broke off the kiss long enough to say so. I was bemused, completely drunk on Kathryn's nectar as she kissed me again.

***********

I am rudely brought to the present again when a small and very cold hand touches my cheek. Young Kathryn whispers in my ear, "Grandpa, you're dreaming again!"

I tickle her and she wriggles free, her eyes smiling. A happy, well-adjusted little girl.

"Kathryn," I say to her, "have I ever told you - "

"Oh yes! Grandpa, you have! I look just like Grandma."

She puts her little hands against my cheeks, and almost solemnly says, "I love you, Grandpa."

"I love you too, sweetheart," I say to her before I put her down. She runs to her cousins where she undoubtedly informs them that Grandpa will sing.

Zannah gets up and walks towards me. Her hand inevitably touches my tattoo.

"Are you alright, Dad?"

"Now, Zannah, what makes you think I'm not?"

"You looked very far away, Dad. Where were you?"

"In the past."

"Naturally."

Zannah takes my hand, kisses it and asks, like she has done every year since she was about nine, "Ready?"

"Ready."

My heart thunders against my ribcage. I cannot help it. After all these years, I still get that feeling of stage fright! How ridiculous really, when only the children and grandchildren listen to me sing. And you, of course. How can I still be afraid?

You have your grey hairs now, my Kathryn. You don't move around as briskly as you did in those years on Voyager. Yet the fire is still there in your eyesl; I still see your indomitable spirit, your incredible courage. I love you. The children love you. The grandchildren adore you.

Mother of all you were then, mother of all you are now. A woman of excellence, wife, counselor, confidant, leader, friend: all these finest qualities are present in you, Kathryn Janeway. I am grateful and blessed that I could share these years with you. I am blessed, indeed.

Even as I stand here with Zannah at the piano, I can hear their voices ring through me. Our son and daughter, his Catherine and her Aren, and the grandchildren. I hear their voices. They speak of their admiration for you; they speak to me of their devotion to you; they tell me that they honour you, and value you higher than the most precious jewels. They speak, and I can hear.

"Mom always listened to me, Dad."

"She never turned any of us away..."

"I love Grandma."

"She accepted me without condition."

"She's clever and she sure knows how to organise us."

"Grandma can kill us all with that look, Grandpa!"

"Nonsense, she's just making you do your work, that's all."

"Dad, when are you going to tell Mom ten cups of coffee per day is bad for her?" Catherine the physician's concerned voice as she sees her mother-in-law consume too many cups of coffee.

"Has she ever listened to you, Dad?"

"Grandpa, is Grandma gonna live forever?" 

They love you, Kathryn, they love you. It's in all they do for you. Give them this day, like you've done over the years. Let them honour you and tell the world what I have always known:

You are a woman of excellence.

I sing as I have every year. Every year the same love song. My voice may be a little wobbly now, the strong timbre I used to have, a little diluted. But for you, you alone, my dearest heart, I sing:

"Thou art my thoughts, present and my future,

Thou are my heart's supreme, its only joy.

I love thee more than any earthly creature,

I love thee dear, I love thee dear

I love thee now and for eternity."

************

END

Note: The song "I love thee" (Ich liebe Dich) was composed in 1864 by Edvard Grieg, to the text written by Hans Christian Andersen. Grieg composed this famous love song for his wife. The particular recording I listened to was by Mario Lanza.

V.J.W.