Baby Talk by Sub-unit 1 of 1
a J/C babyfic
by
vanhunks
Warning: This is a babyfic, but I'd like to think it's not your everyday babyfic. Spare the little baba the time, okay?
Rating: PG-13 [Because Mama said so].
Disclaimer: Paramount owns Janeway and Chakotay. [Because Mama said so].
NOTE: This story is dedicated to Corinna [CoriMariee] who asked me so nicely to expand on this idea I threw out in a thread on VAMB:
"She's cruising down the
river in the boat Chakotay built for her. Then her water breaks. River rushes
and she can't row to shore. No commbadge. No way of letting him know she's in
labour. Women have been known to give birth taxis. And we all know how stubborn
she is wanting to take that last boat cruise before being laid up in bed"
I wondered just how I was going to eat my words, until I thought of a way to try
and pull this off.
Summary: Chakotay got Kathryn in the family way and now she's mad as a hatter.
**
Baby Talk by Sub-unit 1 of 1
Here's the deal, readers. Me 'n' the author will be talking straight up and Mama and Papa will talk slanted. They always do, so don't worry, you'll get the(ir) drift. They should be given leashes the way they want to tear each other apart and I plan on having both of them reasonably sane by the time I make my entry into THIS world.
I started somewhere - you know where. Papa told Mama he had the balls and I was waiting there to be let loose to find the golden egg. I really shouldn't be going into how it happened, but since you want to know anyway, here's how. Maybe the 'why' will also come through.
"You want this, Kathryn. We're alone here on New Earth - "
"With a monkey, don't forget."
"Yeah. As I was saying, after three months you can't ignore the fact that we'll be here for life. So how about it?"
"How about what?"
"Look, honey - "
"Don't 'honey' me."
"Fine. I want you. My body is craving for you. I want to touch you here…and here…"
Okay, I'm blushing. I'm only a foetus, what am I supposed to know? He touched Mama all over, I can tell you that. And the he…well, he wanted to go for broke, but Mama wouldn't let him. Talked about something I have absolutely no clue about. What the hell are para-para-meters? All I know is that Papa showed her that day…what a papa-meter is. Okay, you want to know some more?
"I can't let this happen, Chakotay."
"But I can feel your body is warm, honey - "
"Don't 'honey' me."
"I can feel your body is warm. See? I can touch your flesh and it melts under my fingers."
"No…"
"Oh, yes, you do. Don't deny this, hon - Kathryn. See how your breast is so soft in my hand?"
"I'll kill you first if you touch me."
"Too late. I already did. My finger is firmly lodged in your passage and it won't let me go."
"Oohhh, that feels good…"
"See? Now if I do this… Let go my finger, Kathryn, honey - "
"I'm not your honey."
"You're my Kathryn. Open those delectable thighs of yours…"
"Sometime I'm am going to kill you for this…"
"That's it… Oh, spirits, Kathryn…you're so tight. Oh, God…You're beautiful."
"Bastard!"
And then there was a lot of humping and bonking and pushing and pulling and spreading and fleshing and I don't know what not.
"Yes, yes, yes, Chakotay…Yes!"
"Oh…oh…spirits…I'm coming. Arrgghhh!!!"
So here I am, surrounded by water, water and more water. I pee in here and what Mama eats, I get too. The first time she discovered I'm inside, she shouted "Oh!" and then all hell broke loose. It had to. Papa got down with Mama a tad more than once every night after that first time and well, I don't know, but she must have called him 'bastard!" many times. My first sensation of being here was "Argh! What's going ON!" and a hasty answer to my question was "Chakotay, it's your fault!"
"What?"
"You deliberately made me pregnant!"
"You are? Oh my! I'm going to be a Daddy - "
Next thing I know, I'm almost fainting because Mama's adrenaline [if it's something else, what do I know? I'm only a foetus] got into my feeding tube. Then I heard a loud thump.
"Kathryn! What the hell?"
"You deserve that. Here's another one coming!"
No! No more adrenaline, Mama! Then a thump, again, more adrenaline and another thump. Later I heard Papa tell her she shouldn't sock him on the jaw with her fist [three times] because she only hurt herself and it was taking longer than usual to regenerate broken skin on her knuckles.
"You know I didn't want this, Chakotay. You and your just one more time for old time's sake."
"But honey - "
"Don't 'honey' me."
"But Kathryn, you enjoyed every minute of it. How was I to know…?"
"Every minute? You just took what you wanted, bastard!"
After that I lost count of the number of times I almost fainted 'cause of Mama's adrenaline rush. I swam around like hell, but not far because I'm tied to Mama's feeding tube. One time the thing wrapped itself round my neck. I counted the number of times I was pulled round clockwise, then I began to kick like hell and move my body anti-clockwise to unwind and I managed to stop just in time otherwise I would have gone right on swinging by a thread again.
They argued every day and every day I grew bigger. I heard Mama tell Papa one day that I am now 28 weeks big. Their arguments? Let me just say I knew I was going to come into this world as a member of a dysfunctional family.
"Here, let me rub your back."
"No."
"It's good for you and the baby."
"Go to hell."
"Please, hon - Kathryn. It's a warm evening. Let me run the tub for you and you can soak in it as long as you want."
"The tub is outside."
"I'll bring it inside."
"You do that Chakotay. But don't think I'll stop hating what you've done."
"Honey…"
"I'm not your honey."
"Kathryn, we're going to be proud parents of a beautiful baby girl. Please, stop hating me?"
"No."
"Okay, here's the tub and lovely warm water inside."
"Thank you, Chakotay…"
"You're welcome hon - Kathryn."
Is Mama's name hon-Kathryn? I got real happy. So happy I started dancing on the ceiling of Mama's womb.
"Oh, Oh! Chakotay! Feel here! She's moving!"
Mama got into the tub. I know. Some of the warm water made my water warm. Uh…It didn't? What was it then?
"Guys…guys…there are babies here. Little ones who shouldn't have big ears. Guys!"
Then the warmth came and engulfed me. I'm so ashamed. I heard Papa give a very loud moan and Mama screamed just as loud. I told all the little swimming gremlins to go to hell, I got here first.
Hey, Mama, you gonna kill Papa?
"Chakotay, go put the tub outside. Don't bring it in here again. Who told you to bring it in?"
"But - but…"
"Now!"
"Kathryn, hon - Kathryn, why won't you forgive me?"
"Why? Because you practically raped me on this godforsaken planet? Who the hell is going to keep Saoirse company?"
"Who the hell is Saoirse?"
"Our baby. What's the matter? Don't you like the name?"
"I thought she was Sub-unit 1of 1."
" Saoirse it is."
Mama! Even I can't pronounce my own name. I'm only a baby! I don't have a choice?"
"Couldn't you have chosen a name that can be pronounced? Like Elizabeth?'
Good for you, Papa. Someone should object on my behalf.
"Okay, Elizabeth it is, then."
OMG! OMG! Papa won! Papa finally won something! Thank you, Papa. I love you. You're my hero!
That night Mama told Papa to feel how I'm going on inside her. I was so happy I pushed my elbow against her walls, just wanting to get out and kiss her madly. And I used my little heels and dug in, 'because she was letting me get woozy again. Papa laughed as loud as I ever heard him laugh.
"There's a little knob here, Kathryn. Oh, now it's there! I can see it! Elizabeth is awake! She's calling you!"
"Oh, Chakotay…"
So one day, not long after the naming and shaming [yes, that night I got the WARMTH again. I'm so embarrassed], Papa announced something.
"Remember hon - uh…Kathryn…"
I could picture Papa beginning to speak then duck for any projectiles coming/going his way. Yes, I had the adrenaline rush too many times!
"What."
Oh, dear. In that voice - short and sweet and stiff and cold [yeah, you guess right, her cold shivers got to me too. Can't say I was too happy about that] I knew Papa already ducked.
"I showed you the specs of a boat?"
"What of it?"
Please, don't throw your microscope at him? I have to inherit it, Mama… I want to tell her not to do so, so I bang on her wall, trying to get her attention. But all I hear is something smashing somewhere, then shatter. I don't know what glass is or porcelain, it made Papa cry out.
"Well," Papa said, "I finished the boat yesterday. We can go cruising down the river."
"In this condition?"
"I'll be there with you, Kathryn, honey - "
"I'm not your 'honey'"
That's right, Mama. You're his hon-Kathryn. And so?
"I'll be in the boat with you. I've made seats for three. Little Elizabeth gets her own power-buggy attached to the seat with safety jacket."
"Is that why you went missing every day for weeks?"
"Why, did you think I went on a daily vision quest?"
Uh-oh…
"Who were you talking to?"
Oh, come on!
"The primate. He seems to listen."
"Now you listen, Chakotay. I'm still mad at you. We'll be here forever, with one child to feed, nurture and educate. In the wilderness! With two other people on this planet. Chakotay and Kathryn! I told you -"
"Kathryn, it's too late to get mad about that now. Elizabeth will be with us soon - "
"Four more weeks."
"That soon already?"
"Why are you so surprised? You never listen to me anyway. Yes, four weeks. I hate you."
"Kathryn, hon - "
"Where's the boat?"
"Half a kilometre down stream. It was the only site where I could built a little jetty. I'll build a cabin where we can store our equipment."
"You're gonna stand there? Take me to it!"
"Oh, Kathryn, hon - "
"Don't honey…"
"I thought you'd never ask. See? I can see Elizabeth's elbows saying hi to us."
So Mama followed Papa to the jetty, five hundred metres from home. I felt I was swaying.
"I'm too heavy, Chakotay."
"Never. I could carry you forever. But here were are. Ta-da! The boat. What shall we christen her?"
" Saoirse"
"I can live with that."
Yes. Me too!
There they were, cruising down the river in my dreamboat. I thought I heard the words:
Someone's rocking my dreamboat,
someone's invading my dream.
We were sailing along,
so peaceful and calm,
I will not tell you, the reader the last line of that verse. Some of you might know it and give me and other readers a scare. Anyway, my dreamboat is rocking and I can hear smooching. Guys! Don't get me warm again here in the boat! Guys…guys… Oh, it's so embarrassing! Okay, the warmth didn't come but Papa was really feeling up the old lady. So she's squirming and I'm about to get real mad for being rocked like never before. So I did what I do best in the circumstances: I fight like hell and start to pummel Mama's wall. I push and groan and jab her with my heels.
"Chakotay, darling, Elizabeth is protesting. Look… Just don't drop the oars…"
"Wow…that's one whole lump, hon-Kathryn."
"She's feisty."
"Like her Mama."
"Good. Just so long as you keep telling yourself that. Now kiss me, Chakotay."
I feel asleep from all the kissing and plain sailing. Did I tell you how quiet it was after that? I almost missed all the arguing. Maybe I spoke too soon. Maybe it was time Mama got her act together and maybe Papa should stop saying hon-Kathryn and just insist on say honey. Whatever it was this time, it got Mama stomping off so fast, I got adrenaline all over me. I thought it was time I told her straight.
"Cut it out, Mama. I'm still inside."
"Don't you dare come near me, Chakotay."
"What have I done this time, hon-Kathryn?"
"This time? You wanted to have sex with me after I told you now's not the time! Ask Elizabeth!"
Oh, don't ask me. I didn't get the warmth last night. Maybe the night before, but not last night.
"But you said it can be safe even up to the eighth month. I love you, hon-Kathryn. I want to make love to you."
"Go to hell. I'm tired of hearing you say I must adapt to this planet. You've settled in, and so should I? I'm still trying to find a cure, you bastard."
Haven't heard that word in a while…
"It's futile, Kathryn. Just give up and enjoy the vacation - "
"Vacation! We're going to raise a child here, remember? Who should she marry one day? The primate?"
"Spirits defend me! What are you on about? I told you we'll do just fine. When Elizabeth is here, you'll find this a perfect place to raise her. Just think: no violence, no unemployment, no poverty, no drought - "
"Yes, only a river, a boat and ion storms that destroy our home. How can we keep Elizabeth safe?"
"Because I'll be there, hon-Kathryn! I'll be there!"
"Guys! I don't want to marry a primate! Not the monkey! Not the monkey!"
"Don't go anywhere, Chakotay. You stay right where you are. Chop wood. Make a fire. Cook food. I'm going!
"In that condition? Where are you going?"
"Away from you! I need to think. Clear my head. Prepare myself for war. This is war, Chakotay."
"At least, take your commbadge with you."
Which I, as almost born foetus, have learned over the past few months, is a tracking device. Mama stomps off and Papa finds her wherever she is. Sometimes she cusses when he finds her, but when they're done being mad, I get all the warmth in the evening. It's so embarrassing. Have I told you that? A thousand times?
"Fine. I'm going."
"Be careful, hon-Kathryn. Take care, okay? I love you, hon-Kathryn."
It seems Mama didn't hear Papa. She was so mad the adrenaline drowned me and I swooned. I thrashed around my water bubble, pulled on Mama's feeding tube, thumped her with my fists, jabbed her with my heels. Nothing helped. Something was coming loose, but I couldn't see. Maybe it was my feeding tube because it felt longer now. Wrapped my legs round it.
Mama walked. She walked and walked. Then she stopped. She stopped and stopped. I felt her climb into
Saoirse, the boat. Wheee! We're going sailing!
Someone's rocking my
dreamboat,
someone's invading my dream…
Happy was I until the dreamboat rocked. Mama sat bolt upright. I know, because I got pushed around upright too. I got squeezed and Mama started crying out loud. Then she relaxed. Then I got squeezed again!
Suddenly something went
wrong… That's the last line of that verse. Told you it's one scary song
that.
"Mama! Something's wrong. You're pushing me down, Mama…"
Seems she didn't hear me.
"Chakotay! Where are you! I lost the oars!"
I don't know what that meant, but it sounded very serious. I wanted to help, but I started turning. Mama, I'm going down somewhere. Help! Where's that tracking thingie of yours? Call Papa on that thingie…"
"I can't find the commbadge! Oh, hell, where is it? Chakotay! Help!
Help! Mama! Suddenly, something burst. Mama's wall! I'm losing water! Help! The water's rushing right out the sluice gates! I'm not-drowning! Help!"
Chakotay! Help! Oh, where are you when I need you? Elizabeth!"
"Here, Mama. I'm here. I'm coming!!! I'm upside down!"
"Oh, God! Chakotay, I'm so sorry. So sorry I got so mad at you. Forgive me. I'm sorry. Damn you, where are you!! Chakotay!
While Mama's praying up a storm, I'm upside down, the dreamboat Saoirse goes out of control on the water. Mama has no oars. Then I heard Papa's voice.
"hon-Kathryn! I'm coming! Hold on, my love, hold on hon-Kathryn!!"
"Oh, Chakotay, thank goodness you're here. I'm sorry! Ow!"
"hon-Kathryn? What's wrong?"
"Baby's coming, Chakotay."
"Then we have to hurry. Come, my love, I'll carry you home."
"Yes, please. We must hurry. Baby's coming…"
Mama cried a lot. Papa cried a lot. Both of them breathed a lot. I was just trying to get out. I lost all my water. Now I can hear even clearer. Papa's voice is calm now. He's calming Mama too. Mama is listening to him, actually listening. It's unbelievable. During one of the quiet periods - a very short quiet period he spoke lots of words to her. It was a legend, he said.
"That was lovely, Chakotay."
"I'm glad, hon-Kathryn."
"Chakotay?"
"Yes, hon-Kathryn?"
"You can call me 'honey' now.
"Yes, honey."
I knew things were going to get better from that moment on. I slipped out. Head first. I cried immediately! Papa let me lie on Mama's bosom, wet and dirty. But Mama didn't mind.
"Oh, Chakotay!"
"She's beautiful, honey."
"She is. I love you…"
"I love you too, Chakotay."
Papa washed me clean. Papa dried me. All the time he called me 'my little darling angel' and sometimes 'Elizabeth'. I could hardly open my eyes, but I knew my Papa. He wrapped me in something soft and then he placed me with Mama. Mama's skin felt soft. Holy moly! What's that? I can hardly see, but my hand feels the softest soft thing. It huge! It's round and at the tip is a…tip! My mouth wants to walk to it immediately, so I nudge this way and that way until Mama gently guides me to the tip.
"My, she's wanting to drink already…"
"Greedy little thing…"
I don't care. For the first time I'm eating through Mama's best deal outside feeding tube. Lot's and lot's of food! Soon my mouth gets tired. My eyes open… I can see Papa for the first time. His face looks… will I look like that? I squeeze my eyes, maybe I can see better. Papa's face stays there and he is smiling. I know that. My head tries to turn to the other face. Mama moves my head so I can see her. Mama. Oh, Mama!
Next thing I know, my eyes close and I tumble into sleep on the softest bosom ever, it's like a cloud on which I'm floating…
When I open my eyes again, I hear something. Not Mama's voice. I know her voice best. Not Papa's voice. Something else. Not even the monkey. Another voice. Strange. First it was only Mama and Papa and me. Now there's another sound.
Mama gets all excited and says, "You hear that?"
I hear it too. My world, my life, my future is about to change.
"Captain Janeway… …will effectively treat your condition. …We plan to be in orbit within thirty six hours…"
***
If you think I made all this up, ask this lady: vanhunks@yahoo.com