PART ELEVEN
Kathryn's mind was in turmoil, yet out of the quagmire of her thoughts was distilled one thing - she wanted to be with Chakotay. Ché had gone the previous day and his departure left her in deep gloom the entire evening. His dark eyes no longer had that hidden sadness in them that she’d seen when she came out of the chapel at Lexos on the second Sunday. He had accepted her decision and was excessively generous in his gratitude that he could have had a life-altering interlude with her.
She would stay the week and surprise Chakotay by telling him she was ready to come home. So why did she feel the infinite void in her heart now that Ché had left? Ché loved her and oh, how she wanted to tell him she loved him too! Already she missed him fiercely, missed having his teasing laughter ring out or his smile, or running her fingers through his dark hair.
Images of them in bed came and went with regularity. Her first time with him when she had been so afraid she wouldn't be able to pleasure him, that she would never have the fireworks she knew her body was capable of. He had made her forget Seven of Nine, whose spectre no longer troubled her. How was it possible? Her time here on Naxos, the exotic location, unwinding naturally to the island's beauty, watching the red sunsets...dissolved her troubled dreams.
And then Ché... Who showed her how a woman's body could be teased mercilessly towards the heights of ecstasy, who was bold, who was totally attentive to her needs and drew from her everything she had been capable of giving. With Chakotay... They had always been in their bedroom having sex, always with the lights off, always darkness. Was that how they had become? She shook her head, shook the tears that ran unchecked down her face as she walked towards Devil's Cove.
"Oh, Chakotay..." she murmured to herself, "I made love with another man. We made love in broad daylight... At night we left the lights on because I wanted to see his face and he wanted to see my face. Yesterday... I thought I would die... I was so open...so exposed...it was the most wonderfully erotic thing, which I had never done before. I'm so sorry, so sorry, Chakotay... Another man took my body and made it his. I was free... No Seven of Nine to come between us... It was wonderful, liberating..."
So she walked. It was almost midday and, for the first time since her arrival, there were dark clouds on the horizon, clouds that rode like chariots to the shores of the Aegean. Once she rubbed her arms, for a slight wind had sprung up. Her night had been spent dreaming about Ché, dreaming about Chakotay.
"I love you, Ché..."
She saw his face again in the temple of Lexos.
"I love him, Ché. I want to make my marriage good, Ché..."
His words, "I understand, Kathryn.."
Wearing only her espadrilles, a light sarong and tank top, she trudged through the sand. Her chest felt tight from the pain of remembering Ché's hands on her body, Ché's mouth everywhere, on her lips, her breasts, covering her centre, Ché crying out her name in helpless abandon as he spilled his seed into her, Ché's endless murmur of endearments. Yesterday, lying so open, splayed across his own legs... She hadn't known that bliss could cause her to pass out for the sheer unbearableness of it.
"My body wasn't mine then... It belonged to you, Ché."
Then the image of Chakotay. Chakotay in his Starfleet uniform with four rank pips. Chakotay by her side when she had flu. Chakotay massaging her aching muscles while she pored over documents late into the night. Chakotay fixing dinner for them. Chakotay walking into her office and sitting down opposite her, sometimes too afraid to smile.
For fear I might reject him...
Chakotay. Always there. Always doing things for her and forgetting anything for himself. Chakotay. All he ever wanted was to see her happy, to make her happy.
My constant. My everlasting star in the heavens. The lyre and the dolphin. We belong together.
Chakotay. Ché. Ché. Chakotay.
Blinded by warring tears shed alternately for Chakotay and for Ché, Kathryn at last approached Devil's Cove, found the hidden path through the undergrowth and followed it until she reached the small cave. It was becoming overcast, but still warm enough that the cave would provide shelter. Somewhat deeper in, but still high enough that she could stand up, she found the dry sandy patch where she and Ché always sat. She sat down, her back against the rock.
She thought of Chakotay, of the way he’d looked last Wednesday. Did the bottom of his world fall out?
"I love you, Kathryn," he had said to her that night, and his hand touched the screen. The words seemed so have tumbled out from his mouth. She had wanted to hear those words from him for so long, had heard them once or twice and accused him of not being true to himself, that he didn't mean them, that his words were lip service. Was the thought of Ché's arrival for the weekend, and her growing impatience that he join her and fill her again and lie next to her as if he'd never let her go, so overwhelming? For days, she had fantasised about Ché's body locked to hers, his hands on her, his hot kisses that made her world turn dizzily. She never gave Chakotay a chance, never acknowledged his declaration.
Chakotay had never looked more like he needed her with his very breath than he did last week, and she ... All she wanted was to taste Ché again, good, compassionate, lonely, handsome Ché, who could make her body sing to his touches.
"Oh, Chakotay... I miss you. I even miss our dysfunctional sex life... But I want your mouth on me, I want to be Kathryn, not an intrusive ghost..."
She drew her knees up and rested her head on her hands. Last night, she had lain awake almost the entire night and those times she drifted into a restless slumber, she dreamed alternately of Chakotay and Ché. Now, it was already afternoon and she felt so tired...so tired.
I am coming home, Chakotay...coming home...home...
She thought tiredly of lying down on the sandy bank, resting her head on her hands and closing her eyes. Not for long, just enough to drive away her sleepiness for an hour or two...
Not too long... Chakotay, come to me in my dreams... Smile so I can see your beloved dimples... She started to weep, her tears soaking into the sand. Drifting off, she saw Chakotay who beckoned her to his arms, saw Ché who kissed her sun dried hair. Their images danced about her, like mirages in a desert. They shimmered in the distance, coming ever nearer. The images, caught in shiny giant bubbles that bobbed before her eyes, making her dizzy, suddenly merged. Their faces became one face. A smiling man with dark hair, black eyes, face tanned by the Aegean sun, tattoo and dimples...
"Ché...?"
***************
Water spattered against her face and she choked as she swallowed some of it. Rocked instantly into wakefulness, Kathryn realised that it was dark, with no light coming in from the opening, and that water was sloshing against her. She was wet through and wondered how she had slept so deeply that she didn't feel anything. The water must have splashed against her several times. She stood up, realising with alarm that the cave was full of water, and her sandy patch halfway submerged.
Also, the water didn't just seep into the cave, but surged in; there were waves and they were getting stronger, already lapping against her legs. Then she heard the sounds. Noise of the ocean. Noise of rain, a solid downpour that alarmed her. There had only been clouds on the horizon when she started out, thinking nothing would come of it. The weather had been so good since she’d begun her vacation. What she was hearing now was a storm, a wild ocean spewing waves against the rocks.
"I must get out..." she said, moving as she voiced the words, stumbling as she stepped off the sand patch. She pitched headlong into the water, rose to her feet and felt herself being tossed like a piece of driftwood to the opposite rock.
"No!" she cried as she was knocked against the cave wall. There was no time to think of how the weather had changed so dramatically. She was momentarily dazed, but managed to swim back to the sand patch, or what remained of it. Breathing a sigh of relief, she stood on the only spot where she could stand.
"How long did I sleep?" she wondered, and on the heels of that thought came another. The entire Devil's Cove must be flooded. The tide was in and the force of the crashing of waves she heard outside surely aggravated the situation. Normally, anyone could get out even when it was high tide.
"How am I going to get out here?"
It was folly to try to swim again to the other side. There was nowhere she could stand, except the spot she was already occupying. Trembling from the cold and wet, she contemplated making an attempt to swim for the mouth of the cave. If she could reach some of the undergrowth still visible above the water, she could pull herself up and work her way to higher ground.
Taking a deep breath, she plucked up courage to enter the water. She was prepared. The first time she had been caught by surprise and swept to the other side. Now, she walked in and heaved her body against the current, walking slowly until the water reached just above her waist before she started swimming in strong strokes. The current was strong, her progress slow. She was out of breath, and her chest burned. By the time she reached the mouth of the cave, she was exhausted. There was no foothold and she cried out as the waves pushed her to the side again. She knocked her head against a jutting rock, but managed to stay conscious. Lunging against the force of the water, she swam again, this time giving a cry of relief when she felt the strong limb of a bush.
Then it happened. A big wave crashed over her and she lost her grip.
"No!! she screamed as she was swept back into the cave. She was too tired to fight. Swallowing water, choking and gasping, the force of the waves carried her inward again, and finally she managed to stand on the small sand patch. Panting, dripping wet and crying tears of frustration she stood, bracing herself against the rock face. She closed her eyes, shivering uncontrollably.
I have to stay here... It's the only way. I have to wait for the storm to abate and the tide to go out...
She sagged down, drawing her arms about her knees, listening to the wind, the rain, the crashing waves. The minutes ticked by. She knew it had to be a good many minutes. Her body grew stiff and she stood up, then crouched again, repeating the exercise to prevent the stiffness settling in. After a while, even those movements slowed down, and she slumped into her crouching position again. The water lapped against her feet, but she could at least stand there. It wasn't getting higher and that was a good sign.
Twice more she tried to swim out, and twice she was swept back into the cave. This time she decided to remain on her patch of sand, slipping down and resting again. She coughed, wondering how much water she had swallowed in the process. After her second attempt, she had retched violently.
She must have dozed off again, deciding that any thought of trying to reach the mouth of the cave again was sheer folly. She could be washed out to sea... She could be knocked unconscious and drown.
"Oh, Chakotay," she prayed, "please come..."
Did she fall asleep again? How long she stayed in that spot, she didn't know. It must have been hours. She dozed from time to time, but remained alert in case she was swept off the sand bank. Those waking moments were spent listening to the storm, the rain, the crashing waves. Now the storm appeared to have abated and she didn't hear rain. She could discern light at the mouth of the cave and the patch she was crouching was now a normal size again except that it was wet. She was intensely cold, wearing only her tank top and bikini panty.
Her body protested as she stood up and walked slowly to the cave opening. She breathed a sigh of relief when she realised the undergrowth was exposed again, but finding the hidden path took several agonising minutes. She had lost her sarong during her attempts to swim out. Now she found it, caught in one of the overhanging branches. Half an hour later, she walked on the beach, her legs and arms covered in scratches, and although it was more than two kilometres to the cottage, it was nothing compared to the harrowing night spent in the cave. She had a slight headache, probably from when she hit the rocks. It was morning, and by her calculation, she had spent more than twelve hours in the dark cave.
She burst into tears the moment she saw the patio of the cottage. Damp, exhausted, dying for a soak in the tub, she tried running up the beach. She almost laughed out loud at how slowly she actually moved.
*************
A hot soak and breakfast later, she put on her nightgown and tumbled into bed, sighing as she pulled the covers over her. Chakotay's image came to her, his words, "be careful you don't drift to one of the other islands" echoed in her head. After that, sleep overtook her in giant whorls of lethargy, and she tumbled helplessly into oblivion.
Kathryn woke with the awful sensation that she couldn't lift her head from the pillow, that she was breathing with difficulty, her limbs were stiff and aching and there was an alarming gurgling sound coming from her lungs. She was overheating, her head wanted to burst and she was also soaked in perspiration. She turned her head to the chronometer. The reading was blurred and she gave up, falling back exhaustedly against the pillows.
What day was it?
She remembered getting up and walking to the cave to think. That was Monday... Ché had left Sunday. She spent one night in the cave and it was morning when she returned. The storm had died down as if it had never happened and the sea was again smooth. Now, by the light in the room, it was the same. Was it evening? Was it the next morning?
Her body ached, her head felt swollen to twice its size and coughing was painful. The sheets were soaked from her perspiration. She needed to go the bathroom. With a supreme effort, she lifted herself off the bed and stumbled towards the bathroom. Did she swallow endless litres of water? Sea water? When she finished, she stood in front of the basin, hardly recognising the face in the mirror as she washed her hands. The water was cool and she splashed her face to cool the heat. Her head felt heavy, too heavy for her body, and every muscle ached and burned as if the fires of hell had chosen her for its furnace.
Dragging her feet to the bed took some time; when she eventually fell down on the bed, she was so drained that she lay staring unseeingly at the ceiling. Did she pass out? Did she dream? She opened her eyes to find herself lying in the same position - diagonally, because her feet touched the pillows and her head lolled over the edge.
What day was it?
I must get help...
The gurgling in her chest seemed to increase as her entire body was shot through with pain with every breath she took. How long did had she lain like this? She tried to lift her head, then rise from the bed to make her way to her vid-com. A movement, that of lifting one foot off the bed. She slid off, her head thudding against the floor. Everything went black as she sank away into oblivion. Sometime later, she came to.
What is wrong with me?
Just blinking caused her to recede into dizziness. She tried to cry out, but the gurgling prevented her from making any sound other than just taking in air. Rolling over on her stomach, she managed to crawl, then collapsed again. This time she lay there, sinking away, feeling her consciousness betraying her again. In her semi-delirium, she heard Chakotay.
"The warrior promised to stay by her side forever..." he said.
"Is there really a legend?"
"Here, touch my hand and feel my strength."
"Will you marry me, Kathryn?"
"I have loved you for seven years. You love another. I have no pride. I'll take what you can give…"
Once, they were on a planet where they crashed.
"I'm here... Can't you feel my touch, hear my voice, feel my presence?"
"I can't imagine a day without you, Chakotay."
"No, you belong to me, Kathryn. I breathed life into your body. I am Ché"
"Ché...Ché..."
So the images, swirling about in her unconscious state, merged, departed, merged again into a maelstrom of pain, memories, odd conversations...
"She deliberately withheld the poison. She wanted to kill him..."
"We're two lonely souls drifting in the constellations of Lyra and Delphus."
Far off, she heard a sound, like the clang of bells or the music of chimes, or a ring, a note, a beep. The sound came nearer until it traipsed into her consciousness, alerting her mind to its presence. Kathryn lifted her head, listening for the sound. Her vid-com...
"Chakotay..." Her head exploded just trying to say his name.
With renewed effort, she lifted herself and crawled out of the bedroom. The alcove seemed so far away... Why couldn't she move? The sound became louder, insistent, beckoning her.
Oh, God...help me get there...
The beep continued. Kathryn tried to rise to her feet. She wobbled dangerously as she took two steps, another two.
Please... keep beeping...
One more step.
"Chakotay!" she cried as her legs caved in and she collapsed in a heap on the floor, in front of her vid-com desk. The beeping continued for another minute, but she couldn't hear it anymore. Somewhere she felt herself floating. To Mount Fengari on Samothraki, where Poseidon stood on the summit and watched the Trojan War. To Lesbos where Arion and Sappho were born. To the shore of Corinth where the dolphin carried Arion... She floated from there, on the breath of the summer winds of the Aegean... To Limnos where she collected shells.
"I'm collecting this for Chakotay. I'm sure he can use it for his sand paintings."
"Periander decreed the lyre and dolphin reside in the heavens. They became constellations..."
"This cave shall be our hideaway, Ché."
She felt the presence of an Almighty in the small temple in Lexos. She stood there and Chakotay was by her side.
"I won't leave you, Kathryn."
"I don't want you to leave."
"But, I am Ché, who loves you with his whole heart, for life."
"Love me... Ché...Ché...my body yearns for your touch...love me..."
Then all the images left her, and only darkness remained. Kathryn lay sprawled on the cold floor of the alcove, burning with fever, her breathing so erratic as to be almost non-existent.
She did not hear the vid-com beep again an hour later.
**************
End Part 11