"My farmer milked me today...
It felt pretty good."
Welcome. I thank thee for gracing our humble site with thy presence. I am disappointed, however, for thou didst not bring with thee a sacred bag of chocolate chip cookies to be offered to the great and powerful Oz. This merits punishment. Please submit thy blood type and opinion of those gleefully adorable Toreador (go bathroom on the floor) with one of the four electronic methods provided below so that we can determine the appropriate measure of punishment. I must needs remind thee, next time,
~Robert Larson, Archon of the Malkavians, Justicar of the Malkavians, former Primogen of Denver, Deposer of Princes, Sacker of Groceries, Bane of the Rajah, Defender of Mirth, Pawn of the Celestial Chess Game, Puller of Faces, Associate of the Bastet, Attractor of Wyrm Stench, Thorn in the Technocracy's Side, Sire of GothGirl, Seeker of Hellraiser Boxes, Thwarter of Destiny, Loose Cannon of Chronicles, Inmate #980107, Looser of the Demon of the Apocalypse (I had help), Trespasser of Eden, Picker of the Apple of Life, Chief Executive Officer of the Robert Larson Foundation, President of the Harold of the Sun Corporation and Knower of More Than He Should Know(and King of Spain, whether they believe me or not)
We have but few things to offer for your entertainment, but we present the following few things that we have to offer for your entertainment: You said your redundancy was under control! SHUT UP!!
First, we have several exhibits available for exhibition for the next few generations *snicker*. They are:
- A redesigned discipline that hints at plagiarism but is aimed for our more enlightened Kindred... Variations on a Theme by Tzimisce. Enjoy!
- One of the greatest mysteries in all of Kindreddom has finally been deciphered and made available to the average layvampire...GOLCONDA. Oh my!
- A newly developed discipline that is totally original and is geared for the Malk with so many pranks and so little time...Wee Folk. Think of the possibilties!
- The very apotheosis of the Malkavian world view...The Blind Bats and the Elephant. Currently on loan from the Powers That Be at White Wolf.
- The Malkavian Web Page!!
- Not So New But Still Spiffy Thingy!!!
Malkavian Book of the Undead -- You too can add your name to those who will be spared on Gehenna Day!
--For a limited time only! See who else will be spared great bits of unpleasantness!!
Click Me! 
No, Click Me!
Next, I'd like to direct your attention to a number of locations we have affectionately termed The W List:
- "Number one in the morning! Rick and Brad on the KATT!!" (Listen between 6 and 9:30 am CST)
- MissedYoKiss!
- Lick the Salt! Drink the Beer!
- Bong! Bong!
- Rip, Roll and Ride!
- It's not a tuna
- Teletubbies EXPOSED!!!!
- Behold...the power...of CHEESE!
- The History of Silly Putty
- Magazines...they're not just emergency toilet paper...
- Play music! Make enemies!
Finally, we have My Creations(They're alive!!! Ah-hahahaha!!), a small collection of original pages that aren't vampiric in nature:
- Michael Hedges
- Cookies and Milk<---Must See!!
- My humble homage to a true sage of our age:
The Bitch Song (in D minor)
- ...I...I was going to put something here, but my creativity's being constricted!!! Oh, no wait, that's just my 8-foot-long one-eyed snake.
This MaLkAviAn MaDnEsS NeTwOrK Webring site is owned by
Michael Burger
Would you like to join The MaLkAviAn MaDnEsS NeTwOrK Webring ?
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Spinning Ankh by Daveman and
ShanMonster
By simply clicking on the one of the links below, any message you desire will magically appear on my crystal ball (which just happens to be somewhat of an off-beige color and square) by my trusty husky blue-smoky genie servant guy.
Simple Little Form Thingy +Mailbox Won+Mailbox Too
Mailbox 3hree+
Mailbox Fore!!!
We hope you have been appropriately enlightened. Do visit us again, and when you do,
Give the attendant this number 
to validate your parking.
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