HERRENVOLK

10/6/96
HERRENVOLK
"A Review...Herrenvolk"
by C.Schmidt ®

So my post on "HERRENVOLK" the much waited season premiere. Well last we saw everyone they were at some old mine in the outskirts of DC which was really in Vancouver but hey it all looks the same. And they were all just hanging around skewers in hand and we got the cut to the.... to be continued crap! So the x-files gang wrapped up here and went into their summer hiatus and left us with all those questions.... so this is where we begin.

Opening Scene -
Everyone just returns from their holidays and for some reason they have all gather back at the familiar warehouse to begin the new season.

SMITH:I have a long and complicated story to tell you.

MULDER: Not as long as what Scully has to explain, Um... Scully what did you do on your vacation? Come on spill it we don't have much time the Terminator/Arnie clone will be here soon and he eats all the donuts so spill it!

SCULLY: Well Dave... sorry Fox, I went to Italy, Germany, Bali, Tahiti, and Australia!

MULDER: Wow all I did was hang around with Willona Ryder, complain about the fans did Rosie and The Letterman a few more times. Oh great here comes the Arnie clone. And the scene calls for me to run through that ware house I hate running through those things. I want a raise or I ain't doing the x-files no more!

SCULLY: Ha! I get to sit in my car, play with the vanity mirror, and make sure the mole is covered up. I think I'll have enough time to write a script well... not write a script just come up with an idea then I can ask for more money too! Or I ain't doing the movie... CC can bite me! While Arnie chases you and Slone oops sorry Smith through the warehouse so call me when your done. And have fun!

So pretend it's a commercial! Anyway Mulder and Smith are in the car...

MULDER:How much further, because I need to see this "project" then we got to get back to the hospital so you can save my mama and I got to pee real bad.

SMITH: Do we really have to save her I thought CC wrote her out of the script? Hey I saw they wrote X out!

MULDER: Yeah! CC is going to have a tough time casting my next snitch. Who in there right mind is going to want a job they know it's a death sentence and then when they bite the dust they are forever type cast and stuck doing convensions! I refuse to do them. Now answer my question how much further?

SMITH: 20 miles if we drive, 10 if we walk, and it says walk in the script.

MULDER: Walk? Give me that script... CC don't pay me enough to walk!

SMITH: It's in the script guy it says right here WALK! Oh let me get that can of gasoline. Hope the prop guy remember to put it in the trunk. Yeah there it is, hey your crew does a good job remembering props I hope CC remembers to write their names in the credits.

MULDER: Yeah he did. It's already 20 minutes into the show and the credits are still running along the bottom of the screen. Well lets walk. So Roy, what ya like better day time soaps or this show.

SMITH: Well in the soaps I got to kiss all them hot babes. And on this show man I wished they'd write a love scene for me and Scully!

MULDER:Hey! They don't do that on this show hell we never get sex much less smile. Why do you think I have all those porn flicks and jpegs of Gillian I downloaded from the internet.

SMITH: True, Hey what pics did you down load I still haven't gotten my copy of FHM. Oh look we're here. There is the village of the damned now. Hey ain't that your sister?

MULDER: Can't be we're only in the 4th season no way would CC answer the fans questions this fast! Hey why do we need that can of gasoline again.

SMITH: I don't know something about bees and I think I get to pour it on you or something.

MULDER:BEES!!!! And gasoline CC never writes crap like this for Scully... Jeez he even names eps after her kid! This is not fair! I want a raise!!!

Scully is in Mulder's apartment. And X comes in.

SCULLY:Awe X I just read the script. I'm so sorry we are going to miss you. Anyway what am I supposed to be doing with all these computer print outs anyway. I hate anything having to do with computers!

Mr.X: How the hell should I know? Just memorize some junk from one of those science books Mulder has laying around here that will work.

SCULLY:Oh yeah, Damn some one cleaned his apartment! Where the hell are all the books. Jeez he really should put some fish in that tank!

Mr. X:Well that is Fox Network being cheep little miss. That's why I got the old heave hoe. Cheep bastards.... Well I got to go and get all that fake blood spread over my hands so I can write out SRGA Why don't you go and ask Danny boy about that computer stuff.. He's a nerd and he has a crush on you he'll do all the work for you.

SCULLY: Yeah and just to make sure let me change bras. I'll wear some black sexy thing under this power suite and it will stick out and drive him crazy. Then he'll do my work and I can go home and watch the rerun of the post-Emmy show on E! and see what Joan really said about me. Hey have they re-cast the snitch yet?

MR.X: Um... don't think so, who'd want that job?

SCULLY:Hmmm, maybe I'll suggest CC get Joan so if she says anymore bad things about my bitchy attitude I can shoot her with my *big* gun! Call me a bitch! Yeah I'll give an attitude Ms. Rivers here eat this 9 inch heel!

Well since CC didn't give us really any more I think I'll end it here! Wait..... to be continued..... if I get bored enough during the week I'll finish it or better yet I'll pull a CC and switch the eps around and air a monster of the week instead of the third part like we were supposed to see!

THE END