Hey, Tarzan comes out this Friday. I like Disney movies. A lot. Well, except Pocahontas. I hate Pocahontas. But anyway, I got thinking about Tarzan, and the whole Tarzan legend in general, and I thought "Wow, this is even better than when I was watching Mulan and got the idea to crossdress so I could join the Navy and serve on a submarine." Okay, actually, when I was watching Mulan, I actually was thanking "Wow, B.D. Wong sure is hot, even though he's just a cartoon character." I came up with the submarine thing later, when I was sitting in King Buffet, the coolest Chinese resteraunt ever. (Oh, by the way, don't try that crossdressing thing. My sister says they'd find out because everyone showers together.)
Back to Tarzan. First off, this movie has gorillas. Let's face it, nothing makes a blockbuster like animated gorillas. Especially voiced by famouse people like Glen Close, Rosie O'Donnell, and Lance Henrikson. Besides that, though, I started thinking about what if I were living in the jungle with a bunch of gorillas, and some cute guy, like Ewan MacGregor came to rescue me and told me I was a rich British person. Would I go with Ewie, or would I stay with Lance and Rosie? Okay, first it depends on if Ewie's wearing his Jedi robes. And the lightsaber. No, never mind, it doesn't really matter. I'd go with him anyway. Then I got thinking, "Wow, right now, I am Tarzan!" Granted, I don't live in a jungle. I live in Middletown. But let's look at it this way:
Okay, like most Generation Y children, I went through most of my childhood under the impression that my parents weren't my real parents. I had been kidnapped or adopted or was possibly even an alien from another planet. Well, eventually, I got over it, and chilled with my parents. Some days I even get to the point where they're kinda cool. Well, the time has come. I've been living in the jungles of Middletown for a while, and now it's time for me to go. Do I want to go join the University of Delaware Fighting Blue Hens or do I want to go to someplace civilized like Georgia Tech or Tulane? In essence, Jane has come to me and said, "Yo, Tarzie, comin' outta the jungle or not?" Now, like the Johnny Weissmueller Tarzan, I said "City, yeah!" But did I really want to leave the jungles of Delaware? Yes. Well, then I thought about it some more. A lot of my jungle friends like Liz the lizard and Pat the large jungle cat (Pat, if you're reading this...er... I don't mean you.) Well, to make a long story short, I decided to stay in the jungle, just like Tarz. Yup. And if I hear any Fighting Chicken jokes, I'm gonna get the Law of the Jungle on your butt. Man. I really would have liked to see Ewan MacGregor in a loincloth.
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