I've been stunted. I was babysitting the other day, and the kids were playing "Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time" on N64 or whatever than stupid thing is. And I got thinking, "Wow, I wasn't allowed to have a Nintendo." Seriously, I never experienced the first-hand joys of Super Mario Brothers or Duck Hunt. Dad said he knew people at work who bought Nintendo for their kids, and "As those scores went up, their grades went down." So I was never allowed to have one. It bothered me at the time, but it bothers me more now. I mean, all my friends still know where all the secret objects in the original "Zelda" are, and I don't even understand the concept of the game. All I had to work with was that Super Mario cartoon show with the theme song that went "Swing your arms from side to side...something, something, something, Do the Mario." C'mon, I know you remember it. Well, unfortunately, I graduated at the top of my class, and I'm wondering, would it be different if I'd had a Nintendo? I mean, I've played Quest for Glory until I had a dream where I was that little pixelated guy, and it didn't hurt my grades. Bah.
I do have a Gameboy, though, and I've been debating whether or not to get the Pokemon game. I mean, yeah, it's fun, but do I really want to get addicted to a game about cute Japanese animal pit-fighting? Speaking of Pokemon, I found out all the characters' Japanese names the other day. Ash is Satoshi, Brock is Takeshi and Misty is... Kasumi. Are any other Ranma fans screaming in anguish? I mean... Kasumi? Akane's sweet, peaceful, slightly out-of-touch sister has to share a name with that bratty, whining, bike-riding kid from Pokemon? Oh, my. Anyway, back to video games. Yeah, Nintendo.
Back on video games, I think I'm the only still-living Atari Master. Laugh at me all you want, I'll kick your butt old-school at Ka-BOOM! and Circus Atari. And on the subject of Atari, I also have the Empire Strikes Back Atari game. Does anyone else have this game? And if you do, answer me this: "What the hell?" You don't even get tow cables! Those AT-ATs are harder to kill than Saddam Hussein. I want to jump out of my A-Wing and go medieval on the stupid things with my lightsaber. I will let the AT-ATs step on Dak. I don't care. On second thought, I don't think I'm actually Luke in the game. I don't think I'm Wedge either, because at least Janssen was a competent gunner. I'm thinking I'm supposed to be Hobbie. Or maybe that other guy whose name I always forget. Like any of you care. Seriously, does anyone know what Rogue-2's name was? It's Naz, or Zan or something with three letters.
Speaking of Star Wars, what is up with Biggs? I mean, all over the Internet, everyone's like "Yeah, Biggs!" "Biggs was Luke's best friend from Tatooine!" What the hell? Biggs was in the movie for three minutes, and then he got blow up in the battle of Yavin IV. He had a line with Luke but it got cut. Get over it, people. Biggs Darklighter sucked. Wedge Antilles is the man. Yeah. Now there was an X-Wing pilot.
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